I just have to talk DS into going to grandma and grandpa's house (he still sleeps over there every now and then).

I'm picking up a bottle of wine on my way home tonight!  Maybe I'll pick up two! LOL

Yippee!

The good news is that 90% of people are "cured" with the LEEP.  I say "cured" because it's not cancer, just precancerous cells.  Once this is all over, I'll go on my merry way.

We talked about my sexual history and the doc said because of the timeline and my XH's philandering, he's most likely the one who gave me the HPV.  I know it's so common and blah blah blah, but it was another knife in an old wound.

I managed to make it to my car before I cried.  Mainly because I was scared, but also because my nether regions were burning like a mofo. 

So, blerg.  If you've been slacking on getting your annual exam, stop putting it off.  ::Gives the hairy eyeball to PPD::   

Oscar will be leaving us on Monday. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I knew we couldn't keep him. I never actually wanted to keep him (not to say he isn't awesome, but life with 3 dogs is different than life with 2 dogs), but that doesn't mean I'm not on the verge of bawling right now.

Doglove, please don't let this discourage you. Let's blame this on hormones, mmmmkay. I know in my heart this is awesome all around, but I will still miss the little buggar.

I also filled out our application to foster this morning with a local animal shelter. I'm so excited about this!

I have a haircut today, I am on the fence about whether or not I should continue to grow it out or leave it at the length it is now (chin). It would be nice to have shoulder length hair again, I am getting bored w/ the short cut, but the short cut is easy and suits my face.

About a year after that I developed my first cold sore. NEVER had one before. Never seen H with one. Of course at the time I freaked out, and did all kinds of research. I learned that a lot of people carry the virus and it can lay dormant. So I kind of let it go.

After just having another breakout, I can't stop thinking that the timing of it was...uh...a little convenient. Would you assume, that you just carried the virus and maybe the timing was actually just bad. Or would you assume your spouse cheated. For background sake, H and I have been together since 2001.

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64804264.aspx

I will say, one of my come to Jesus moments with my own stuff was when I went to Six Flags with some friends last summer.  We waited in 90 degree weather for almost two hours for this one ride...and when we finally got to boarding, I didn't fit.  They pushed and prodded me and couldn't get the contraption to click around my chubby belly. 

So the employees said sorry and turned their backs, and I left the ride, with my friends still strapped in and strangers openly staring at me.  I cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes.

But maybe I just didn't know I was fat, and that's why I stayed that way for so long.  Hmm.

So I go to deposit it at the ATM machine. I have BOA and they don't use envelopes. You just put the cash in the slot. So I do this and it spits it out at me, saying it can't read it. I try again and it won't take it. It spits it out and the wind catches the thing and it goes flying under my car. I'm like "SH!T". I open the car door and squeeze my @ss out (I park super close to the ATM so I can reach, I could barely get out of the car) and chase the money down. Of course there is something parked behind me when this is happening.

Moral: Never deposit cash in a drive up ATM on a windy day. YWIA.

"Some men just act this way because they can and you let them."

http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/03/health/obesity-rates-maybe-worse/index.html?hpt=he_c1

Apparently since the BMI number is so arbitrary and not a good measurement of someone's health they're thinking about making a change.  And that change is lowering the threshold from 30 to 24 for women and 28 for men for a disagnosis of obesity.

This makes me mad.  I hate BMI.  Instead of finding something that actually might give people meaningful health information they'd prefer to pick a new random number.  Augh.  No wonder people are so confused.

and you were a vegetarian (or not),

where would you want to go to dinner?

My friend just sent me this... the alternative ending to Titanic.

The movie ended the way it SHOULD have.  This ending would've pissed me off, would've made Rose less sympathetic and was just... clunky.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2tYHcXNwAk&feature=player_embedded

I am slowly but surely getting my disaster area of a house organized and cleaned up. I'm even starting to get Toddler Malibu to understand the concept of picking up her things before bed. I was afraid I'd come home yesterday to my freshly cleaned living room covered in toys, but it was as spotless as it was when I left.

The clouds are clearing out after much needed rain last night and it's warming up outside.

I'm finally starting to get the desire to get back into shape. Toddler will be 16 months on Thursday, it's about time to really attack the baby weight and I'm getting geared up to start losing.

I'm wearing my contacts today because my eye finally feels good enough to do so. I was having trouble wearing glasses, so I'm glad it's finally getting better.

With a healthy little heartbeat and measuring right on schedule.

.

The doctor has diagnosed progressive dementia too. Though, I think if you make it to 91 you are doing awesome if you JUST NOW have some cognitive decline. So she has a hard time staying in the moment and not spacing out a bit. She is in great spirits and is happy to be out of the hospital, but a little bit depressed to have to depend on my mom so much. Thankfully my step-dad is awesome and caters to their every need 24/7. 

We are getting some nice ladies from their church out there to come and be with her when my mom goes back to work tomorrow. My step-dad tries, but my Grandmother simply refuses to let him help her to the restroom or any other intimate function. So she has demanded a female to help with the intimate tasks (getting dressed etc.). This is one of those times I wish I were closer so that I could come over with Abby. It would be trying (for sure) but not so much so that I wouldn't at least try. 

The doctor is not optimist unfortunately. Dr. T is bordering on diagnosing Grandmama with Failure to Thrive. If this is diagnosed then the recommendation would be hospice & (her insurance/medicare) would pay for it. It would also mean that she would most likely have less than a year remaining with us. 

I think my mom would prefer hospice-- but only for the help, pain management, professional bit. I think she wants the help, but not the ultimate meaning of what hospice would be. 

So we are doing our very best to make these last months/years as happy as possible. My mom takes her on trips to the coast and around to shop/eat/sit in the park. We skype and facetime so she can see Abby. She even got to help read a bedtime story to put Abby to bed over the Iphone. I am also trying to be better about writing letters so that she gets mail that is not bills all the time. 

So that is where we are. Thank you so much for all of your positive thoughts, prayers, private messages and other very nice things to remember our situation. End of life stuff is really sad, ya'll. 

Recently, she's been "popping up" on family e-mails, etc.  She also wanted to send DS a b-day gift and after DH and I talked, he nicely but rather bluntly was like "You've never even met him - don't worry about gifts.  Come meet him....". 

Even saying that, though, we're FINE w/ her not being in our lives.  She's a nutjob and life is just easier w/o her.

About 3 or 4 weeks ago we (us and the IL's) went to NYC (where they live) for a family wedding. We all got together for lunch - including SIL.  This is the first time in 5 years any of us have seen her.  And it was "fine".  Fake, but our relationship w/ her has always been fake, so... whatever. 

Last weekend, we went to the ocean w/ the IL's (that's a whole other story....).  FIL just sent us some pictures of DS from that weekend, and I noticed that he included SIL on the email list.

I told DH that in the end I know it's harmless, and I'm not going to tell his dad to not do that, but....  I actually REALLY wish he wouldn't send pics of DS to her.  We've seen her ONCE in 5 years, she hasn't met DS.  I don't really give a $hit about her recent efforts to "reach out" to us.  I simply don't want her to have even this much access to DS.  I just don't.

I'm not going to make a stand on this.  If DH is as bothered as I am and he wants to say something, then he can.  But I'm being careful of my "battles".  While DH is largely on the same page as me, these ARE his parents and in the end, I know that FIL's motives are genuine.  She's BIL's girlfriend and as long as he's with her - FIL is going to include her/ "love" her, etc. 

Hence the vent - just need to get it out because I'm going to sit on it.

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/64802082.aspx

His cousin, the only thing I know via Facebook is that she's at the hospital.

My cousin....she's 80% effaced and almost "dialated" to 4, via her SIL's constant status updates.

I don't feel like I needed to know about the state of my cousin's ute. I also feel like I'd be punching my SIL in the face if I found out she was giving the play-by-play of my labor on Facebook.

I'm blocked from work, so I'm curious what it is.

Anyone?

But, I just need to talk (write)

My Dad called me last night asking if my Husband and I could come over. He said he had to call 911.

My Mom went to bed to rest yesterday afternoon and when my Dad went to get her up so they could go to dinner, she wouldn't wake up. She was unresponsive to him. She is Diabetic so he tried getting some orange juice down her but she wouldn't come to so he called 911. When the paramedics got there, they had to do an IV and give her a glucose medicine in order to wake her up. By the time I got there, she was awake, but had no idea what had happened.

She only remembers eating breakfast, sitting on the couch looking at cookbooks and that is it. She lost about 6 hours of her day b/c she can't recall what she did after that.

After the paramedics left, we had to take her to the ER to get checked out b/c she didn't want to go in the ambulance. We spent hours there until 1am then she was able to go home.

I'm still freaked out about what happened. As is she. This has never happened before. All I can think about is all these "what ifs". It really scared me. I keep replaying last night in my head. It was so scary seeing my Mom laying on the bed with tubes in her and medics on either side.

My Husband tells me to try to think of something else b/c everything ended up being OK. But I can't. I don't know that. It could happen again. I'm just scared for her right now.

It's been hard today at work trying not to cry thinking about it. But, I decided to leave early and go to her to spend some time and check up on things.

It helps getting my feelings out there and talking/writing about it. So that is what this is.

Thanks for letting me post.

This month, by popular demand, we'll read "Flowers for Algernon." (note: it's not really about flowers.) So get reading, TIPers!

Also, because of busy schedules (ahrumph, imoan's international cruising), we were thinking of a shorter turnaround this time (because let's be honest, only 3.5 of us will actually read the book, and none of us will start more than a few days in advance!) . . . So how does Friday, April 20th work? Feel free to celebrate 4/20 in whatever way you deem appropriate, but just make sure you READ THE BOOK! 

I am now in a jean size that I was wearing in HIGH SCHOOL!  On top of that, when I posted about it, I said "although the people who went to high school with me probably wont find this as impressive as I do".  And then three of the most popular girls (that I spent 12 years wishing I could be... because I was a loser like that) responded that THEY knew me in high school and I was beautiful.

Sixteen Year Old Imoan almost peed her pants.  Now all that needs to happen is the boy I had the crush on from kindergarten to sophomore year of high school (who constantly rejected me) to find me and tell me that he should've married me... and I can die happy.

(please note:  I realize how pathetic this post is) 

And I don't care if you don't want me to bash your decisions.  Your decisions NEED bashing because they were flat out stupid.

Make a GOOD decision for once and get away from that lying, cheating scumbag.  

Otherwise, you deserve all the hardships that come your way.  Because he wont stop cheating.  he wont stop lying.  You basically just told him that anything he does is acceptable.