I eventually couple years ago gave up on trying to get him to take care of himself. Last year he developed advanced diabetic retinopathy and needed two major eye surgeries. He has little vision in his left eye and some damage to the right one. He has had numerous laser surgeries in both eyes and there is a real chance of blindness eventually.. You would think that would scare the hell out of someone. he still refused to test, still ate cupcakes when his sugar dropped..

 For years, I have been watching him slowly kill himself and not care. Its a depressing thing to think of.. possibly having a H on disability at 35 or maybe burying them in the next 5- 10 years. Not only was this a major issue but there were other things with lack of affection on his part. He NEVER hugged me, held my hand, gave me a kiss.. He did a little when we first met but it completely stopped.  At a party once, I told him to put his arm around me. he awkwardly did for 5 mins and took it off,..he would never just put his arm around me, snuggle up to me on a couch, nothing.. If I would aproach him to hug him he would push away or make a joke of it and yell for our daughter to save him from mommy.  very strange. He would only want to come near me if he wanted sex. I eventually stopped sleeping in bed with him. I would sleep with our daughter.. at least she hugged me..

I was growing so lonely and wanting something more..  A couple years ago I began talking to an old friend(guy i used to like in high school) on facebook. we started chatting and talking alot. It was so nice to hear nice comments like i'm beautiful (these things were never told to me. not even on our wedding day did he say you look beautiful) It was nice.. I met the guy a few times, just met and kissed. I had not kissed anyone in years. well things didn't advance but then last summer I began talking to someone else from hs. Things progressed further and we saw each other alot. I ended up getting caught with a pic of him with his arm around me. Mh left and went to his parents in another state. Everything went super fast and I ended up getting a lawyer. So did he. I filed for divorce.

Since then he is begging me, crying to please take him back.. He is texting me his sugars daily (which are majorily scary cause he has these massive swings btw low and high from never managing it for years) he has become what they call a brittle diabetic.. (uncontrollable) he promises to exercise, eat right.. he tells me he sees what he did wrong and he wants to snuggle with me. hug me etc.

The only prob is now is I dont know what I even feel. I can't kiss him and I don't know why.. I don't have a desire to snuggle with him. and I also don't trust that he is going to suddenly maintain his disease.. which honestly I don't know if he can if he wants to now.  I am so conflicted w my feelings.. I worry about him and get so scared at the thought of him dying.. i have this need to call to check on him every mornign to see if he is alive. If we do go through w the divorce I know that can't continue and he tells me that he will move back home out of state to his parents. We have a 5 year old who he does adore and love. He was always affectionate to her.. just not me. If I leave him what does this do to her? Since we have been separated I havent been able to afford the mortgage and we are now in foreclosure status. I am losing the house, unsure where we live, taking my daughter out of a wonderful school if I go through with this.. and how do I leave him sick? he says he will completely stop everything if i continue the divorce. He will stop testing, drs etc,..

So then I have that guilt on me.. feeling like i am responsible for his life.. My daughter's father's life... Yet, if I stay, I truly don't know that I am still in love with him. Are my feelings just compassion or am I in love with him. Don't you want to kiss and touch the person u are in love with??  I am torn between keeping a stable home in a good neighborhood for my daughter and leavign and maybe finding the right person, if there is one. I don't know if I will ever be happy ..

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/61742264/ShowThread.aspx

Thanks to GP board for finding this gem! I brought it to you from this thread.

Please note the update for the OP contained therein.

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61742371.aspx

This problem doesn't pertain to our marriage or relationship, well not directly. A few months ago, a childhood friend of mine (she's 6 years younger than me, our parents were best friends) hit a rough patch, got in a fight with her mom and left home. She lived in drug house and was using drugs herself.

About 2 months ago, she moved back in with her mom and was trying to get her life back on the right track she went to rehab for 6 weeks and came back. She did ok for the first week, but her and her mom got into another fight and was about to move back to the drug house. Her boyfriend called and asked if she could stay with us and of course we said she could. It was only supposed to be for a few months, until she got back on her feet. We didn't ask her to pay any bills, only to help around the house. The only real "rules" we set up were asking her to be in by 11 on week nights, call if she wasn't coming home, NO drugs, and she couldn't hang out with the people she was living with at the drug house (because of the no drug rule).

The first two weeks were good, we had no issues. She helped keep the house clean, came home when she was asked, and she stayed away from the old friends. Last weekend she ended up at the drug house. She told me she didn't use, and she wouldn't go back. I explained to her then, if it happened again we would have to ask her to leave. I nor my husband were going to deal with anyone staying with us using drugs. She said she understood.

Saturday night she ended up back at this house again. She told us she was staying with a friend for the night and they were having a movie night, and I believed her. My grandma came to dinner at our house that night and when my husband went to take her home, he seen her car at the drug house. He slowed down and wrote down her lisence plate number, just to make sure it was in fact her car. Sure enough, the plates matched.

The next day when she got home we asked her about where she was, and she lied. We told her he saw her car at the house and she came clean about everything. She said she had been sneaking around down there and was using drugs again. So we asked her to leave. I called her mom and told her the situation, and she came and helped her pack her stuff. She was just as nice as she could be to us.

She forgot a few things in my car so I called her mom to let her know she could come and get them. When her mom gets here she looses it on me. Calls me every name in the book. Tells me how bad of a person I am and how my friend never should have came to live with me in first place, like it was my fault this happened. Her entire family has stopped talking to me. I had an appointment to get my hair done with her SIL Thursday and she won't answer my calls or texts about the appointment.

I don't understand where I was wrong here. I haven't told anyone other than my mom why she doens't live with us anymore. As far as I know, no one really knows she moved out yet, it just happened Sunday.

Edited for grammar.

"Yeeeeah, maybe I'll show up during a meeting.  Maybe during the gym. Maybe I'll wait a few more days instead, betch.  Wear a pantiliner 24/7, sucka, because I'll pop up whenever I want."

Gah. TAKE ME OUT OF MY MISERY, ALREADY

Yeahhhhh...

Long story short: my BIL and his GF visited DH, the baby and I on Sunday. I cooked, baked up a STORM and we had a really nice day. The GF proceeds to post a pic of herself holding the baby (not a fan of that, she didnt ask me first..but she's a nice girl, and I decided to let it go) and DH's sisters proceed to write on the picture "how does everyone get to see her, and noone sees my kids?" "I love how they dont even concern themselves with seeing my kids"..things to the effect that I only keep in touch with people who kiss my ass (huh?) - that I think Im better than other people (wha?)  that Im selfish and dont care about other people's kids, all kinds of CRAZY Crazy things, it was escalating and fast. 

His family is HUGELY toxic, confrontational (to the extent they enjoy fist fighting..oy) and he stays away from them.  He also doesn't and will not argue with them, he ignores. He says they are crabs in a barrel (in that they will try to bring you down) he lives differently and wont acknowledge it. Says in the past, he used to fly off the handle and argue with them, and says ultimately they will never change and he's tired of it.

I call bullshyt on that (its been a source of our arguments) because I see it as being passive/doormat. I'm not that way. I admit to not running from a fight, and typically wont tolerate shenanigans. They know where I stand, because Im very upfront. Its ugly. I could be wrong in how I view his position, but this is also 5 years of dealing with trash.

So, I commented on the picture "SISTERNAMEHERE, Im not sure why you're airing dirty laundry on FB and especially on a photo of my daughter, but your niece is almost 8 months old and you've never met her, and you've never asked to meet her. And thats your right, and fine with me HOWEVER you dont get to complain about other people spending time with her OR how we dont see your sons because you do not keep in touch. Further, I feel like FB provides a platform for people to spew shyt they dont normally have it in them to say once face to face. If you have anything else you feel you need to get off your chest, feel free to contact me directly"

Im pissed at myself because I fed into it, but I really want to scratch her eyes out. I hate them all. So, of course thats all it took and the rest came out of the woodwork like cockroaches to jump in on the fun. LOLOL. I didnt respond, I wont say another word but Im fired up.

DH agrees with me and feels my position is right but I shouldnt have fed into it. He pissed me off by saying a couple of things I interpreted as not really "having my back" (ok, partially childish I know) and so I went bananas on him. 

I know he has no real relationship with them, but I refuse to have them in our lives. He agrees and doesnt want anything to do with them, and at the same time is hurt by their behavior and says "I wish everyone could get along" - um, not going to happen Pollyanna!  All around it stinks and Im fed up.

Thats my TIP for the day.

*ugh*

Being omniscient in the matters of TIP, I knew it was only a matter of time before the poo hit the fan, but of course I felt terrible for my sister.

Immediately, ex-BIL posts on FB that he "broke up" with my sister.   Uh huh.   You don't "break up" when you're married.  Idiot. 

Anyhoo, my sister is definitely the type of person to hide her head in the sand.   She just avoids things.  That "thing" she's been avoiding is actually being proactive in ending the marriage.   They're still married.   Neither one has taken any steps to end the divorce.   Loser is now living with another woman and her kid (and that was an area I saw future TIP, because my sister really wants children and my ex-BIL seems like the type who eats children).   Yeah, they were an odd match for sure.

My sister finally just asked for my help last week in starting the divorce process.  I am licensed to practice law, but I'm a real estate attorney.  I've never done a divorce in my life, which means I'll have to spend some time researching the local rules and reviewing all the document requirements.   Bleh.    And I'd do it all for free just to finally get her free of that a-hole.   

To cut to the nitty gritty, a friend of mine (P) just found out her H has filed for divorce.  They have been married 9 years, she does not have a job but is going to school FT to get her masters.  They own a home together (that they are upside down on).  According to the lawyer, he is only going have to pay P $400 a month, forcing her to go down to PT at school and get a job, not to mention get rid of all of her pets.  Since she is not working, she can't afford a lawyer.  What rights does she have? What can she do?

She's the type of person to roll over and let this stuff happen without fighting, so I am trying to come up with ways to help her help herself and not get completely screwed. 

And I'm VERY happy.

Now, how much of it to tell H I'll be using to buy myself something pretty? Hmmm... 

I have a sick sense of humor.  I fall more than the average person.  Everytime I see the commercial for that Lifeline thing where it can automatically detect when you fall, I think about how much they would hate me as a client.  Even though 98% of the time I am fine, it would be great for the other 2% of the time.

I had a job interview the other day.  For once I thought it went well.  The job would make a huge difference for us financially.  I suck at waiting to hear.

I am irrationally upset about the fact that Words With Friends won't load.

Now GP is flaming her further. But now it's about the affair her husband had last year. Is it me being sensitive or would TIP be nicer about this?

Anyway I actually feel bad for fmil because she wanted to have the reception somewhere and was going to pay for it all but fsil said no absolutely not. So fmil is going all out to make the 3 car garage look decent and I feel awful for her since this is her only daughter.Normally my fmil isnt so bad but with this i am seriously giving her the then face.

She was talking about black napkins being tacky at a wedding and I had to bite my tounge that it wasnt near as tacky as the reception itself let alone that fsil wore a black dress to get married. 

In case you were wondering no I am not worried one bit about this wedding or fsil stealing my ideas. 

70 pounds lost! YAY! 

It's weird (and awesome) to try on a shirt that fits too tight...and then try it on again three weeks later and have it fit perfectly. 

It's also weird to go to the plus-size section out of habit and pick up the tops that used to fit you, only to realize you just tried on a tent.

This happened at Kohl's this weekend.  I bought a size large shirt at the end. LARGE.  It's partially vanity sizing, but holy crap.

Currently, she is getting a divorce but planning a big expensive wedding without the consent of her boyfriend. Yep, he says "I am  not even thinking about marriage for the next five years" and she is saying "Right, that is why I am planning it now!" when inside she is planning to ambush him into marriage and two babies by that five years. To make matters worse she told me this gem today: She and her ex decided to get a divorce six months and 3 days ago. She started dating her boyfriend exactly six months ago.

He has no job, he blames the economy and the fact that he can't drive until he pays his 5 grand court fees. He brings in 300/a month in under the table cash her family gives him to fix things around the house and 100/a month from his food stamps. She thinks this is the perfect situation because she has a high paying job with great benefits from the State. This way she makes all the money and he takes care of the babies. Expect that he doesn't want kids for the next six or seven years. She wants them before she is 28. Which given her age means she has three years to get there.

You would think with their conflicting views, she would just cut her losses, find some commitment hungry baby machine out there right? No, instead she is always trying to think of ways to have an "oopsy" baby without going as far as to poke holes in his condoms. She is looking up bizarre symptoms, like headaches, and connects them to someone's pregnancy, so she can say she has the same thing.

Her favorite show is 'I didn't know I was pregnant.' She tells me all the time "I hate to watch it because it scares me, but I feel I have to because this is exactly how everyone in my family gets pregnant." Mind you, she comes from one of those doesn't show or test positive until six months kind of families, but she has tested positive before at 1.5 months. She m/c early on though.

This is gonna end badly. She is either going to trap him into marriage and kids before he is ready (cue in the resentment), she is going to end up pregnant and alone, or left at the altar with a huge loan to pay. That's right she is going to get a loan to pay for the wedding. She plans on using the house she is planning in the three months before her lease is up as equity. She really has no idea about money but she does have family that are semi-rich and bail her out all the time. It enables her to do one dumb thing after another. I doubt this far on if she is ever going to learn how to be a healthy adult.

I am originally from the UK, now living in the US. I am a competent driver, but am still a bit nervous driving on the other side of the road, having the driver on the opposite side of the car etc and I like to have someone in the car with me, just for the next while, until I get used to how the roads are here. 

We only have one car at the moment which my husband drives. If I want to go somewhere, say the store (we live in the middle of nowhere), a lot of the time my husband will say no. He works from 7am till about 3pm, and I am currently unemployed, so I'm stuck in the house all week by myself. Sometimes I just want to get out during the week and I feel like I have to beg him to take me somewhere. I know he is tired from working but he questions me every time I want to go somewhere. We were supposed to go and look at a car for together when he had finished work today and he decided to go by himself. He didn't tell me this until he had finished work, so I was sitting here ready to go.

Earlier, I wanted to go get some soap, some juice for the house, practice my driving and just get out of the house in general. He said no, they aren't things we 'need'. I understand that, but what about things I 'would like'. Is it unreasonable to ask him to come with me (a 15 min drive) for my own wants? We would be out of the house an hour at most, and I only ask once a week, if that.

How do I address this situation? Apart from this issue our relationship is great, and we are actively looking for a vehicle for me to drive.

Status of a FB friend: Hi, I'm XXX and I cheated on the man that I've been with for the last 8months. KNowing he was going to ask me to marry him. And I have no conscience about it. That's how I roll.

Then people got upset and the BF started posting:

Boyfriend: for a week she has shared my bed, eaten my food...and behind my back plotted to be with him while telling me she wants to be with me.

Boyfriend: lied to my face about it and so many other things its unreal..facebook is a *** when you give your username and pw to your BF and forget he has it.

Boyfriend: yeah...well I spent a couple grand on a ring..spent months sending her gifts and making her as happy as I could...and she's planning on a trip to WY to go see her other guy while telling me she is mine.

My favorite, though, is this girl's response:

Stupid girl: All I can say is this, my fiance and I went through a similar battle. It was intense pain, we almost didn't make it through. But true love is seeing past a persons mistakes no matter how painful. It won't be easy but in your heart of hearts if love is still there, don't regret not forgiving...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/the-periodic-table-of-cupcakes

I'm sure you all know what blog I'm referencing.

Oh, and she only has enough concentration to watch episodes of Charmed. Yeah, just like I only usually have enough concentration to watch episode after episode of Gilmore girls.  But as a FUNCTIONING ADULT, I have other responsibilities and have to turn off the f00king dvd player occasionally.

Oh, and she's glad she's no longer here because all she was doing was "judging people who didn't need judging".  Wow, it's amazing how she could so easily dish it but not take it.  And she thinks this is making her a better person. Actually said that.  So we were a-okay when she was a reg here and judging the ever loving shyte out of people.  But now she's better than us.  The thing is... if we weren't honest about what we thought about her "issues", she'd still be here... dishing it out.  It's amazing how that works. 

Oh, and she's got more of an excuse because her loser azz sister is only Bipolar II and she's Bipolar I.  I guess that now level of bipolarness is a competition, y'all!  What a thing to be smug about!