Because I know this place won't change, I am applying for jobs, but not hearing back from anything which makes me feel discouraged and worthless. The fact that the other woman in this position has a family and is married to the IT guy has gotten her several perks and considerations that I do not get - the option of working from home being one of them. I feel like they are more likely to give her a raise than me which again makes me feel discouraged and quite bitter. She has just given them an ultimatum - pay me what you pay the men or I'll quit. But I can't afford to do that - I don't have a husband to fall back on if I storm out when they refuse my demands, so what can I really do? Not much. Mr. Bang and I don't live together yet but even if we did, his company is still growing and beyond basic living expense they can't draw salaries - he could not support himself, the little dude AND me right now. 

So I feel trapped, angry, bitter, depressed, and broke. Most days I just slog through it and deal with it but today it is really bothering me. And the heater in the office isn't working today so I'm cold to boot and I want to cry and go home.

/ventyrantyboohoofest 

What do I do? I dread talking to friends or family for fear of being compared to K.K or being told "you just need to be happy".....because I have tried but it is NOT working

How was your New Year weekend?

We almost got into a head-on collision with a drunken idiot who tried to "enter" the exit ramp around 8pm on Saturday. We were running errands and after the near miss, decided to spend New Year's Eve at home. Other than that it was a great weekend! The little dude's 3rd birthday party was Saturday afternoon, fun, crazy, and loud. He had a blast, and his mom and I got along fine, and I'm glad we got to break the ice. 

Not ready for reality to set back in though. We don't have another long weekend till Memorial Day!  

Later at home, H and I were talking about how his parents were the same with the birth of his niece (their first grandchild). I said something about how awful the alternative can be and I've heard horror stories about MIL's from helll wanting to be in the delivery room, etc.

DH said, "well, that's not a mother in law problem, that's a husband problem."

 Yesterday we moved my Grandma into a nursing home.  (good move and she was all for it!)  But as my aunts and I were going through things I was given a BUNCH of family heirloom type stuff.  A pearl necklace my grandpa gave grandma on their wedding day, a quilt made by my great grandma, a scrapbook that my grandma made for my mom's elementary years full of pictures, news articles, and all kinds of other stuff, my mom's wedding dress, cookbooks from WAY back (the oldest date we found was a leather bound 1907 one), and some other things that mom had made during her 4-H years and old doilies grandma made, pillowcases and towels my mom embroidered before she passed away and all kinds of stuff. 

But now that I have all this, i would like to keep it in good shape for obvious reasons.  My mom passed away when I was a year old so this is the first I have seen some of this stuff.  Other things I have seen, but she wanted to keep until now. 

So do you have any storage tips on how to keep some of this good??  TIA for ANY help you can give me. 

/AWing of my kid.

1) What was it about your husband that you loved when you met?

2) Now that you are married, what is it about your husband or your relationship that you love or that makes it 'work'?

3) Ever thought about separation or divorce? What made you contemplate it?  

4)  If you've been divorced, what led to it?

5) Do you believe in the saying that says something along the lines that -- love is when being with the other person makes you a better person than without?  Why or why not?

Thanks... 

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61807050.aspx 

http://createyourgreatlife.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

Here's our problem: he is 100% different from the man I met, dated and married. He suffered a traumatic brain injury which literally changes the personality. His physical injuries are fully healed but he lives with some degree of chronic pain. His personality is totally different-- he is labile, reactive, unreasonable at times and honestly I feel numb/anger towards him more than anything these days because it has been so long. He doesn't really help around the house or with the kids (example: he is still asleep and it is noon, my girls have been up since 7am), he is very disatisfied with our relationship because I never want to have sex (vicious cycle since I feel overworked/overwhelmed with works/kids/home and lack of support/help form him).

I think about separating reguarly-- but am scared for several reasons. First off money: I work, but part time and make decent money as a nurse but would not be able to afford our mortgage/bills on my own. We are upside down so could not sell right now. If we separated, he would leave and probably go to his mother's in the midwest-- we are in the northeast. He has his own work income plus full disability income from the VA. Our insurance is free through his disability. We also have a pretty substantial savings account-- largely from a insurance payment from his injury. I'm afraid he would walk, leave me with the bills, mortagage (in my name, only), and take the cash-- he'd be fine and I'd be up a creak. He has also casually mentioned that he could/would take the girls-- I don't really think this would/could happen but the fear of them being away from me makes me willing to stay for almost anything.

We have tried counselling together but he says he's "over it" since he's been in counselling off and on for years. I still go. He says the only problem is my never having sex and if I'd put out he'd be 100% happy. I'm just lost.

Sadly, him being a jerk is more the rule than the exception.  I've offered my bff a place to stay.  About a year ago, I encouraged her to really examine her relationship. I have told her in the past that he is not good for her. 

This afternoon I got a text from the bf saying that he was sorry if he made me mad.  So far I haven't responded.  I know that he sent the text because my bff told him he needed to apologize.

I really want to send something back saying I'm used to him being a *** and I don't know why bff is even with him. 

In the end, I love my bff too much to do anything to make things harder on her.  I'm just reminding her that she always has a place here if she needs it.

Multiple times throughout our marriage, I have found either porn or photos of half-naked models on the computer.  I have spoken to him about how it makes me feel and he always apologizes and says it will stop.  The problem mostly lies in the fact that our sex life has been hot and cold.  He knows I always want sex but he never initiates and frequently when I do, he turns me down with an excuse.  So to find out that he is doing this instead hurts.

A week ago we had gone away for our 10th anniversary.  I am pregnant with our first and things have been going well.  While the sex has still been infrequent, I understand that it likely has something to do with the pregnancy.  But I have been "taking care of him" if you know what I mean.

Anyway, we were out at a restaurant and we both had our cellphones out.  I was getting spotty reception so I asked if he could open the Internet browser in his phone for a minute.  At first he didn't want to, which was weird, but then he finally did and tried to turn the screen away from me.  I leaned over and the page he was trying to get away from had photos of a half-naked model.  Things went downhill from there.

We left the hotel early the next morning.  On the day of our anniversary.  On the way home in the car I told him I can't believe that just when I start trusting him again the same thing happens.  I don't know if I will ever trust him again.  He keeps getting upset saying that it won't happen again and can't understand why I can't just let it go.  I can't understand why he is feeling sorry for himself when he brought it on himself--instead of caring that he hurt his pregnant wife.  Yes, my hormones likely make everything feel worse now, but I really feel like he will never change.

I just don't know what to do. 

I just wanted to let you both know that I'm going through some very similar experiences.  I've recently reached the conclusion that I don't love my husband anymore.  I know I did once but it was never that once in a lifetime kind of love.  It was a "I want to get married because it's the next step and the guy I'm with now is pretty good" kind of love.  14 months ago we had a daughter and ever since then it's become more and more clear to me that I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this man.  He is a good man with a good heart, but he is a little self-absorbed (like, only thinks about making his own life easier, never mine) and frankly a little annoying.  But I think the annoying part is just a symptom of my own feelings.  He annoys me because I want to get away from him.

I've had these feelings before, to a lesser extent, as far back in our relationship as I can remember.  I would consider breaking up with him, but he was my first/only serious boyfriend and I didn't want to start over.  It took me 20 years to find him, how long would it take to find someone else???  He was nice and made me laugh and had a great job (which is the only thing we have in common, both pharmacists).  He got along with my friends and family.  What more could a girl ask for?  So I kept him around, and then I married him, and then I had a baby with him.  And now I'm faced with the choice of whether to break up my family or not.  I know, deep down, that I can't stay with him.  I can't teach my daughter that this is what love/marriage is.  She deserves better.  But she also deserves a whole family, not a fractured one.  And so I start doubting myself again.

Anyway, I have told him how I feel, but then I backpedal and say maybe we can work on it.  Then he asks me if I still want to be married, and the best I can muster is "sometimes I don't", when really the answer is "no".  It's so so tough to say something so horrible to someone and set that ball rolling when I know that there will be no turning back. I know I'm being a horrible person to string him along like this.  I always put it off because we're going on a trip or it's Christmasor we have a double date scheduled or whatever.  I need to stop putting it off.  I'm going to stop putting it off.  

So, this long, rambly post is just meant to say I know how you feel, don't have babies with these men, and if you ever want to commiserate, I'm here! 

A baby is EXACTLY what they need, right? 

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61784123.aspx

The PIP imoan threw in the thread below (which was fantastic) made me wonder.  How many other people are married to their prom dates and don't think they settled?

 http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61737931.aspx 

Husband tampered with condoms, and now she's pregnant. She thinks he did it to get back at her for a previous affair of hers that resulted in a pregnancy.  

On Starting Over...woman's XH calls, she puts BF on, then sends XH a picture of BF's peen.  

Super excited that I finally got a crockpot with a timer.  We were having to hold of on many crockpot recipes because we are gone for too long during the day but now I can start to experiment! 

What do you love/hate about dh?

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61775163.aspx

He treated me terribly.  I've told TIP most of it over the past few years (years!)  Calling me names, screaming at me and then acting like I was crazy for being upset, telling me I wasn't worth anything, etc.  He always said if I tried to leave him he'd tell everyone "the truth" about me.  Ending the relationship for good was the best decision I've made in a long time, and I'm so glad I had the strength to finally do it.

He (who does not have an attorney) has been emailing my attorney all these threatening e-mails, how I'm going to have to support him, how I'm going to have to pay all his bills, how I have mental health problems and he has proof, how she [my attorney] had better watch herself because he knows people at her firm, etc.

All this is, of course, just more proof of what an as$hole he is.  But - it still stresses me out, and I don't know how to not let it affect me.  I do struggle with mental health issues (have been hospitalized for depression, but years ago, and have been going to therapy since then), I'm a recovering alcoholic (2 years sober), since we spilt I've gotten a better paying job.  I have this fear that he will embarrass me, that because of some freak rule I'll have to pay him, that my attorney will quit.

These sort of fears are what kept me from leaving him, and they still plague me months later. I wish I knew how to turn them off.

Vent over.  I miss you, TIP.

Well, I printed out the post with the replies because I got some really good feedback and wanted to re-read some of the posts.  MY HUSBAND FOUND THE PRINTOUT TONIGHT.

He is crushed, disappointed.  He didn't yell - he just seemed extremely sad and said he wanted to be left alone.  He doesn't want to be in a marriage with trust issues, but obviously I have created a TON.

He's in our bedroom now. I was in shock and didn't know what to say when he brought this up.  I cannot try to justify something that is unjustifiable. I have been extremely careless and selfish.   And he deserves so much more.

I don't know what to do.  HELP? I feel like scum of the earth (well, I am).

Anything happening around here?  How was everyone's holiday?  What's the drink of choice for tonight?

Just wondering,,,,