Newly pregnant: DH won't stop bringing up his 1st baby experience

      Tonight as I lay in bed i began to try to sort things in my head but the more i tryed the worse my anixety and stress got. for a moment i thought i was having a heart attack ... pain in chest and back, hard time breathing, feeling clammy and like vomitting, slight dizzyness. So i got up and walked around for a moment then decided instead of thinking to myself and not wanting to add more stress to my husband i would blog my feelings and get it off my mind. So here i am.

has anyone experienced these symptoms??

Happy Columbus Day! 

I don't have any weird fears about snakes (I'm not super fond of them, but don't freak out over them either).  I've held snakes and put a huge python over my shoulders before when DS had a snake party once.

I wouldn't even get up to use the bathroom because I was afraid I would step on a snake.  I've never seen a snake in the house and only garden snakes outside.

What's my deal?  I rarely remember my dreams, but I keep thinking about this one.  I did google it and it appears that snakes in dreams often signify creativity. 

What's everyone up to today? DH and I went to lunch, got cat and rat food at PetSmart, and bought some groceries. Now I'm playing with the rats. Pretty lazy day. 

Here's the thing: I have outright refused these items for many reasons. 1.) I have no where to put them or display them. They would sit in a box. 2.) I have no attachment to the items. When I was younger they sat on top of my giant bookcase. I wasn't allowed to play with them & they scared me.

The rest of the box is random crap that she wants to get rid of it seems. I begged her not to send it to me, but for some reason she thinks that it "means so much to me" ? I know it means a lot to her (at this stage, she is 91) to have her possessions with someone she cares about. I am irritated that she didn't listen to me when I am having space issues as it is.

So why don't I just Ebay the damn things? I feel guilty for selling them when she believes that she is giving them to me for safe keeping. My mom just tells me to take the items, tell Grandma whatever, and then do what I have to do. I am kind of in the same mode of thinking, but I feel like it makes me a shytty human being to Ebay the dolls & display items. I'm sure someone else could get way more enjoyment out of them than I would (rather than having them just sit in a box)...

My absolute horror would be to have my Grandma show up in the future & wonder where the dolls/display items are. Imoan, do you remember that Episode of GG when Emily is flipping out about displaying every item that her MIL gave them? Right on in this situation. I just hate it that I have these items that I really don't want cluttering my house when all I want to do is clean it. *sigh*

I should be out partying, having some wine, having fun, right?

Yeah. I just finished five hours of homework. Probably the worst, most boring, pathetic excuse for a kidless Saturday night like...ever. I kind of want to slap myself in the head for being so lame. Well..I guess at least I can enjoy tomorrow now that the homework's out of the way!

- she married him at 19 - that was 13 years ago - and he took her away from a bleak place that was Russia in the 90s and brought her to the exciting US of A. He works in finance; he paid for her college (vocal performance); they have a great big house; they travel to exotic places and have expensive hobbies, such as sailing, diving, and flying planes. They even love each other in their own way.

The not-so-enviable part of their relationship: he shows nothing but contempt for her career, belittles her singing, and demands that she be at home with him all the nights and weekends (umm, guess when most of rehearsals and shows take place). All he would have her do is have a baby and stay at home; all she ever wants to do is sing opera on stage. Every time we girls hang out, she complains about his lack of respect for what is, to her, the entire life. In fact, if all she says is true, it very much qualifies as emotional abuse. 

She has said many times that she is ready to leave him and that she experiences enormous relief when she thinks her decision is final; next thing you know, she and H are gone sailing to French Polynesia. The saddest thing, to me, is that she'll probably never leave. She is completely dependent on him financially - her name is not even on any bank accounts; she is not that big a star to support herself through opera singing; she doesn't like teaching, and she is afraid she'll have to wait tables or whatever. Much as she'd love to have her freedom and her dream career, maybe she realizes that she may not ever have the kind of life she is enjoying (?) now.

It's tough. I listen to her and sympathize, but the only advice I want to offer is to lawyer up and leave not empty-handed. But I don't know if this is what she really needs. Thoughts appreciated.

I'm considering burning it to the ground, any takers?

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/58881759.aspx

OP knew her husband for a month before they got married. They've been married for five months and they haven't met each other's families yet. OP's husband is talking to exes and promises he will stop and never does. It's a lot of awesome. 

Anyone have any ideas for something cold and yummy? Helll, even luke warm could work since I don't think my crockpot will stay that hot once it's unplugged. Or will it, if it is insulated?

Over the last few months I have been very distant and unaffectionate towards my husband, mostly because I feel like I have fallen out of love with him,( or realized that maybe I was never is love with him to begin with and it took me 2 years to realize) we have been married for one year in July and dated for one year before getting engaged and then married a month later. We are both young I am 21 and he is 20, he is in the army and we are stationed overseas... I didn't feel the need to post on military post, because I don't think it's a military issue.. 

The first "mistake" I think I made was getting married way too young and thinking that it was the right thing and he was the one. I now realize that what I wanted at 19 is not what I want now.

I also now feel that I have really really really gotten to know him after getting married, when it should have been before as to prevent this situation...

We are also going to marriage counseling to "work" on our relationship, but I feel that it is doing nothing for me or the way I feel.

Okay so now here are my problems I have towards him:

Lately over the past 2 months or so, I have noticed that he is showering less and less, this past week(and my sister is here visiting as well) he went 5 days without showering, I kept asking him when he was going to take one and he would say "oh when I get back to work" etc, lame excuses...After about 3 days his side of the bed reeked, like it was a smell that just came out of the blue( I obviously washed them when I noticed it) and also he tends to not brush his teeth, I honestly don't think he as brushed them at all this week, because I haven't seen him do it.. His breath smells so bad it's embarrassing, and I am so ashamed that my sister has to witness this because it makes me and her feel so dirty. I try so hard to not be a *** toward him when I tell him to take a shower or brush his teeth, because I don't want to be like a mom to him but at the same time I can't stand that he does that.

My husband over exagerates every single thing that comes out of his mouth,like he is trying to prove stuff to people, have the things he says to people isn't even true, and sometimes I have to bite my tounge  so I don't call him out on that stuff. I think that people are starting to realize it too because a lot of people are starting to hang out with him less and less. And it doesn't help that he has an attitude problem either.

I talked to my mom and she says that I should go back to the states immediately and finish school and make myself a priorty for once, which I'm not opposed to, but I know my husband is going to say something like "how can we work on our marriage if we aren't together" because this has been a topic i have brought up a few times, to which my mom says that how can I work on something, when I can't even get my own self together.. I have brought up the issue of divorce a couple of times, but my mom thinks that I should wait until he gets back to the states before I start that process. My issue though is that I will feel like I'm using him because regardless I want to leave him. I have reached my limit here with him and I am almost at the point that I am going to start disliking him and get annoyed with everything he does...

Do I tell him I want a divorce now or wait until he gets back in the states? 

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/58886244.aspx

2 am BF texts me (from London) to please wake up hubby because his wife answered his phone and made an appointment for him for this morning and never told him. (He owns a business that had a fire and he needed several things done before some inspector could come and assess damage. Business is a sister sort of business to what hubby does and the original equipment Dh's former company supplied.)

So we wake up and go to Skype him and DH is half asleep while crunching numbers with him and giving him models and examples, etc. I'm in background helping where needed, his wife is in background talking to herself about how she doesn't really see how it's her fault. (She answered his phone. Made appt. Did not tell him. okayyy)

They've been married less than a year. She hovers over him. He can never be left alone I guess. She asks him 50 times to pause to have brekky. He about loses his shiit.

I'm off camera, tapping the calculator & writing notes. She keeps walking by and asking what they're doing. What kind of glasses are those? Is that a photo back there? Where did Dh get his shirt? BF has vein throbbing. Dh is about to fall over.  Then she says, "Why is Maven hiding? Does she look like death or something?"

I yell, "NO. I just look like BeeBeeEater's fat ugly stepsister right now and I'm not wearing a bra. Done yet boys?"

I have no idea why or where.. but.. yes. I said it.

Kitty Bath Video: Very cute!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend! Relaxing with H & J, planting some flowers in my big pots this weekend, and lovin' on my furs. 

We obviously crossed wires somewhere along the way.

He just tells me that his parents are supposed to come up Monday afternoon to see DS.  As they don't get to see him a ton (even though they did see him yesterday), I know it's important to DH.

BUT - it's just not what I mentally had planned for on my day off.  His parents coming over is always a cluster.  They always show up late, then they want to do lunch - even though its WAY past our lunch time.  And then they spend most of their visit eating and watching TV and not really spending it w/ DS. 

DH is like "well, I like your plan for Monday too".  Well, dude, maybe if you had bothered to LISTEN to me when I told you my plan for Monday, you could have talked to me about it in more detail before calling your parents. 

Seriously- this almost makes me want to come to work instead. 

The cabin was super super cute, a storybook castle theme. However there were some issues with the cabin's maintenance:

Though we notified the rental company (per their request) two days in advance, the hot tub was 60 degrees when we got there and we had to wait until the next night to use it.

The gas fireplace didn't work

And there were mice in the cabin.

In talking with a friend who used to manage rental properties, I took her advice and emailed the company. I really expected a "We're sorry for any inconvenience" ...I don't know, something with some remorse or sincere apology.

This is what I got in response:

A very happy imoan will be glued to her tv tonight!

http://perezhilton.com/2011-10-06-hey-dude-is-coming-back-to-teennick

SAD

I found out through Facebook that a woman I graduated with started an "upscale handbag line."  I think bags start at about $200 and go to a few thousand dollars.  We were not really close in highschool.  I sent her a FB message saying I would love to catch up with her, her family is beautiful, and congrats on the lovely handbag line.  She sent back a message asking nothing about me and telling me to buy something with my 15% off coupon code.  P.S.  I still can't afford anything on her site.  Maybe I can learn from her about tacky ways to market myself.  Maybe the whole thing wouldn't have bothered me so much if she had asked thing one about me.  My mom joked that her assistant probably sent the mail.  LOL!  So what is the verdict- tacky or not tacky?

From the mouth of the woman who calls her landscapers the Mexicano Tacos.

It looks like this one:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pickypuppy/5045247975/ 

Yes, like a dumb ass I married this guy. We spent the year of our engagement fighting about him not wanting to have sex and all the abuse I had endured/ allowed to happen. I was finally starting to find my inner strength again and he was not happy about it.

We got married in Jamaica and spent 1 week with our family and 2 weeks for our honeymoon. He would barely touch me. I cried myself to sleep many of the days that we were there. I will never forget those lonely nights that we were supposed to be spending together. We had sex one time after I cried and begged. It was awful. Once we returned home the fighting picked right back up and we spent 8 months not having sex. I cried, begged, bought sexy lingerie and cried some more. He blamed the whole thing on me..I had emotional issues, my idea of marriage was wrong whatever..

We began to go to counseling.. I drew a lot of strength from our secessions and I started going to deal with my issues and the PTSD that resulted from my near death accident.  For some reason, when things started to get better I decided with the constant input of my controlling husband that we were ready to have a child. The year I was pregnant was worse than the first year of our marriage. We fought all the time. I was belittled and talked down to and then the cursing and name calling began. I went in to labor 12 weeks early and I will never know if it was the stress or some other factor but my son was born very early. I dove into motherhood with a new found strength to do what was right for my child which was to be there for him to teach him how NOT to be like his father.

We dove back in to counseling once my son was a year old. The cursing and name calling stopped and now being a few years older my perspective has changed quite a bit. I realized that among all the fighting the real issue was a lack of connection, intimacy, trust and honestly sex.

Nothing really changed in the year of counseling that we attended except that I gained clarity and learned about healthy interaction and he stopped cursing at me. We still had no sex and when we did it was completely unsatisfying for me. He treated me like a hooker. He would bend me over pump for 2 minutes and take a shower. On any other level of intimacy I wouldn?t consider him an acquaintance let alone a friend.

He has anger issues to add to this whole mess and a flat out refusal to express any other emotion..happy, sad, empathy are not expressed by him ever.

Tomorrow we have another secession in therapy scheduled. He knew the topic that we were going to discuss was our sexual relationship and intimacy. He asked me today to refresh his memory about what we were going to discuss. I told him. He decided to try to get me to change the topic of discussion and tell me that I was ?inventing? some issue that was not there. That many couples don?t have fulfilling sexual relationships and that he felt ?sorry for me? that I placed so much importance on it. Then he began telling me that I haven?t tried to keep this relationship together. He then told me to go sleep with someone else and that all I ever wanted was to have two babies by the same father (WTF).If you noticed my ticker we decided/I decided to have another baby. That is how good things had been going for us in spite of a crappy sex life. He kept trying to twist my words around and make me the ?bad guy? Thank God for therapy because I have learned how to not get on someone else?s emotional rollercoaster.  He then said he was not going to therapy because all I do is tear him down and he is not letting me have power over him?Um?yeah..

Once he came home with our son he sat on the couch and ignored my precious little boy and stared blankly at the TV. This is typical for him..he will ignore me for days but play video games and watch TV. As a mom it made my blood boil. It also, made me want to put my son in a situation where he can see healthy interaction and not this dysfunctional mess that it our life. This is not the first time I have wanted to leave. I have left 3 separate times. The last was when he picked up our 8mths old son and said ?your mommy is a stupid biitch..she is a dumb ***?

As I was washing my face tonight he came in and said that he would go to therapy if we didn?t talk about ?that? topic..Ummm..no. Then he said he would go but he was no longer going to plan a future with me. Again?Ummm..no. I tried one more time to explain to him that while sex and intimacy was not on his priority list that it was on mine and if he cared for me he should respect the things I care about. Not, ridicule or belittle me for feeling or viewing things a certain way. Well, he started all over again and said ?That?s it?you can?t have any power over me..I quit..I am done..I am not going to therapy?

I am tired of trying, tried of the fighting. I know this whole thing comes off like I am some defenseless person but I am not. Part of the reason we fight so bad is because I know myself worth, I know what I deserve and I will not allow myself to be so beaten down, as I was after my accident. He says that I have an overly inflated ego..He says that I am not a good person..He says that I am not worth it..I say I am..

Tomorrow, I will go to therapy. Tomorrow I will FINALLY send in the paper work for legal aid..Tomorrow I make a decision that will save my son from becoming his father..tomorrow I start taking it one day at a time?just like when I started to learn to walk again. Tomorrow I stop saying I am worth it and I prove it..

I have tried to be a good wife but sometimes I think you have to admit that it just wont work..I am an AMAZING mother and my son deserves me to be happy and I do too...

thanks for listen if you made it this far...

Just a horribly sucky weekend for me.