Would you want to know?

samkephart

It has been a long time since I have been on here, but I need advice.

I work with the husband of one of my best friends and found out th at he has been seeing one of the new hires at our company for a few weeks now. I see my friend once a week usually for a night out or in and she has not mentioned anything about it.

I have recently heard that things have gotten serious and she has kicked him out of their home and he is living with this other woman. Im concerned that a lot of what I am hearing is hearsay. But my other concern is that he's sneaking around and she has no idea.

Should I ask her about it or let it go until she says something? If your husband was cheating and one of your friends knew, would you want them to tell you? And if I should say something, how do you even start that conversation?

doeydo

Yes I would want to know.
You could start by saying something just like "So, how are you and Steve?" and then if she says "Good" or something, then I would say "Well, I don't know if it is true or not, but I have heard from some people at work that he is seeing someone else.".

ReturnOfKuus

If she already kicked him out anyway, then is it relevant?

samkephart

The issue is I don't know how much of what I was told is the truth.

cloudymeatballs

If one of my friends knew and didn't tell me, I may get upset if I found out later that she did know and didn't tell me.  I would want to know.  Yes she did kick him out, but she and he were having problems, who knows what.  I would ask her something like how are things going with you two.  If she says anything then just tell her what you know. 

 

cloudymeatballs

samkephart said:

The issue is I don't know how much of what I was told is the truth.

What do you mean?  Like you just heard it thru the grapevine? 

samkephart

What I mean is I have not heard this from my friend or her husband, until I hear it from the horses mouth I don't know the truth.

The person spreading this around work is the woman who he is supposedly seeing. Now it could be totally true or it could be a woman scorned situation spreading rumors because he turned her down. (I hope it's the latter , but I'm not that nieve)

cloudymeatballs

Oh, hmmmm....  That's kind of a tough one then.  Have you seen anything at all?  I'm sure if she's saying something, there is SOME truth to it.  Where does his wife think he has been staying??

Sillygirl45

I'm with @doeydo. See what she says. 

I can't gauge how close you are with the wife, but that makes a big difference. I have some friends who will pretend all is well when it clearly isn't. I would leave them alone since they probably would not appreciate my intrusion into their denial. 

Other friends I would tell what I heard in a heartbeat because I know they are not in denial and would want to know.

Proceed with caution since you aren't certain. 

Sillygirl45

Also, keep in mind that while this is all interesting gossip, that's all it is. It is really between them and none of your beeswax. You don't want to be the proverbial messenger (but also don't want to keep thing from her) , so weigh you options carefully.

TarponMonoxide

samkephart said:

It has been a long time since I have been on here, but I need advice. I work with the husband of one of my best friends and found out th at he has been seeing one of the new hires at our company for a few weeks now. I see my friend once a week usually for a night out or in and she has not mentioned anything about it. I have recently heard that things have gotten serious and she has kicked him out of their home and he is living with this other woman. Im concerned that a lot of what I am hearing is hearsay. But my other concern is that he's sneaking around and she has no idea. Should I ask her about it or let it go until she says something? If your husband was cheating and one of your friends knew, would you want them to tell you? And if I should say something, how do you even start that conversation?

I would want to know.

Simply because I do not wish to be exposed to who knows what disease and it would be over the second I found out he was cheating.

From experience:

Women do NOT wish to know that their boyfriend or SO or H is out on the loose with other women. They hear only what they want to hear and see only what they want to see. Life is all laughter and rainbows and unicorns with the bum --- the signs are all there but they still refuse to see it.

Plus the bum will say "Oh no, it's not like that; she's only trying to break us up. The relationship is platonic" or whatever he wishes to say -- and the person he's cheating on will buy it hook line and sinker.

I've seen it from recent experience: you cannot tell them a thing. They don't want the laughter rainbows and unicorns to disappear. They want you to blow smoke up their nether region with "Oh he's a great guy. It's not what you think I am sure."

Tell the person nothing.  It's a sad state of affairs with the cheater, but there is nothing you can do.

samkephart

I have another friend currently in the begging part of divorce and she was all sunshine and rainbows until he finally told the truth.

Would it be wrong to ask of she would want to know the "rumors" from work?

moonprincessd

I'd want to know ONLY if you were positive. If you're basing it off a rumor or gossip, then no. No proof. No need to make me freak out if there is no evidence.

RenoisPrettierThanYou

I'd want to know regardless of whether it was true or rumors....both are worthy of further discussion.

cloudymeatballs

If you and her are close friends, go about what deoydo says.  Start about it and proceed with caution.  They are separated, and obviously having problems, she may have an idea, she could totally be clueless.  If you are close with her then say something...  Just my opinion. 

Let us know what happens...  good luck

samkephart

I will, thanks you for all of the suggestions.

My friend and I are going out tonight so.I will let you know how it goes.

Leftie22

Good luck! I would want to know, even if it was a rumor. Something like "hey, there's this woman at work who's been saying xyz, and I just thought you should know." She can decide if she wants to take it further, or she'll probably let it drop if she already know about this woman. I hope it goes well!

samkephart

Ok, so I talked to my friend about what I have heard, she already heard somr of the same rumors. She confronted.him about it a couple weeks ago and he denied it. After hearing from me she decided to sleep.on it and confronted him this morning. He is still denying it and is assuring her that he is not cheating and never would. He is claiming "woman scorned" as the reasons for the rumors. She wants to believe him but obviously has her guard up and she said if I see anything or hear anything she wants to know.

cloudymeatballs

I was just looking to see if you had posed.    Well, it sounds as if I had figured.  You mention it to her, she knows about it and the guy is denying it.  No surprise here.  Sucks to say, he most likely is lying to her. 

Oh, where does he say he is staying?  Since the "other girl" claims he is staying with her??

And that's good you said something to her.  It may have opened her eyes about the situation a little more. 

samkephart

Apparently he says he had stayed a his friends place after a night of drinking, (yeah right) and she definitely has not kicked him out. She says if he is cheating and comes clean they may be able to work through it. But He is holding on to what he has been saying. I feel like he is a liar, but for her sale I hope he is being honest. (but as I said before, I am not that nieve.)

cloudymeatballs

Well, you did your part.  That's all you can really do. Just be there for her when she finds out he's been lying to her.  I had a friend who I knew her guy was cheating on her.  I told her, she is still with him.  So to each is their own.  Just stay there and be a friend.   It really sucks seeing a friend go thru this. 

samkephart

Thanks for all of the advice