Etiquette for a funeral

kennyjb

My husband's grandmother just passed away. We are flying out to the funeral this weekend (my husband's mother is already there, she left a couple of weeks ago to be with her mother in hospice). My MIL and I are not very close and I haven't been to a funeral since I was a teenager, so I'm not sure about proper etiquette. I thought I could bring a card for MIL along with me, but my husband thought that was a little weird. My other thought was to send her a letter to let her know I'm thinking of her once she is back home, things have settled down, and the other condolence cards and gifts stop coming in. Any advice or other suggestions?

EastCoastBride

I'd send a card to her home for after she gets home.  AT the funeral. just pay your respects.  Acknowledge her loss.  If there is a gathering afterwards, don't OFFER to help- actually get up and help. 

Just be there. 

chrisnjay05212010

You being there is a big help, just help her and the family with anything they might need while you are out there. Sometimes just a hug or a talk is all they need.

cloudymeatballs

Exactly what at pps said. Just go and be there, be supportive. If anyone, I mean anyone needs to talk, just listen. Help out if there is anything to be helped out with. Is your H a pall bearer? If so, stand by your MIL and just be there. My H's gpa just passed away, my MILs father. It is very hard for a person and I just stood by her side, held her hand while the men carried the casket. She will really appreciate it. It is such a sad time. I'm sorry for your loss..

TarponMonoxide

Send a nice arrangement to the funeral home.
 
I suggest something that can be taken home, like a dish garden or a potted plant. Perhaps your MIL can take it home after the funeral is over. (lots of funeral directors suggest that the plants and flowers be taken home since the arrangments wind up thrown out after the burial).

Donating to a worthy cause the deceased would have endorsed is a nice gesture, too.

blondii428

When my boyfriend of 2.5 years comitted suicide my co-workers all signed a card and gave it to me at the funeral.  Looking back I realize it was sweet of them to think of me but at the time it made things more painful.  I'd say skip the card and just be there for support.

amaryann210

It's not inappropriate to bring a card to the calling hours, if there are any, or to a gathering after the funeral.  Giving it to her at the funeral is less appropriate.

jt305

I hope everything went/is going ok.  I like the idea of sending a note or a "thinking of you" card later this week or next week, when things have settled down some.  It shows that you are still thinking about her.