Spouse's holiday party

dutchgirl76

Anyone find going to your spouses holiday party is akward? We went to one this weekend for my husband and it was weird. A lot of the wives don't know each other (it's all men at his department, he's in civil service) so we got stuck making small talk. Overall we survived, but I'd rather the men just go out for drinks one night (which I suggested to my husband.) Thankfully we don't go to a lot of events with these folks but then on the other side I don't get to know them. Any tips for surviving the party if you're not the employee who knows everyone?

I do get this is something all married couples go through, I just wish it didn't have to be so awkward. He hopes to stay at this job for the rest of his career, so I know I"ll see these people again and it would be nice to have something to talk about instead of how many pets do you have and can you believe the weather?. I don't have a lot in common with the wives as I don't have kids, nor do I want kids. We don't live in the town where he works and I'm not from the state. A lot of these people grew up in the town and stayed there when they got the job so it's a "what HS did you go too?" "What street did you grow up on, do you know so and so?" I also feel like a pain having to hang on my husband because I don't want to to stand around by myself, at least he knows people.

englishtrish1

I work for the federal government so I think my holiday party is probably pretty similar to your DHs. My husband doesn't love it but he tolerates it for me, it helps that my direct supervisors husband and he are very alike. Could you reach out to the other wives during the year, make more than a once a year thing.
As to why the guys don't just go out for drinks, if it's anything like my department, the boozey employees only party is subtly discouraged.

dutchgirl76

Thanks for the advice. I wish I could hit it off more with these ladies. Some of them were discussing books and I love to read. That might be fun, even an email book club if everyone's schedule is so different.

I think part of the boozey party too is that the work schedule sucks. They rotate every week and work at least 2 nights a week. I'm sure the wives would be upset to lose a Saturday night near Christmas with their husband when we have to plan literally 6 weeks in advance during the year just to go on a date night. 

VOR

dutchgirl76 said:

I don't have a lot in common with the wives as I don't have kids, nor do I want kids. 

Well, you're selling these women short.  I'm a mom and quite honestly - when I'm w/ my friends (sometimes the moms of DSs friends!), we HARDLY talk about our kids.  Yes, there is some kid talk - but we're all PEOPLE too who have interests in our lives outside of our kids.  A large majority of our conversations have nothing to do w/ being moms. 

I know you don't mean it this way - but this train of thought is almost offensive.

They like to read - work with that.  Do they work?  Ask them about that and how they got into it that field.  They live where they grew up, but "hey, where have you traveled to?". 

I also live in the area where I grew up.  There can be some "where did you go to high school/ what neighborhood did you live in?", but that's, again, only a SMALL part of how people make connections. 

Open your mind about these people.  You seem to make assumptions about them based on their parental status and where they live.  Don't put them in a box.

One of my closest friends is single and has no kids and probably will never have kids.  But she's a great person who I get along with really well.