Alabama Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
>=O worst day evar
I hate mornings when you wake up and just the date on the calendar is enough to push you over the edge.
4 years ago today we lost my dad. I'm not really looking for sympathy... but if you've lost somebody, how do you deal with the anniversary of their death?
I'm just so angry today. I'm not really sure why... and I don't know what to do with my emotions.
Thanks for letting me semi-vent.
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Re: >=O worst day evar
Oh AM, I am so sorry. I've never lost a relative that close to me so I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'll be thinking of you today.
I can TOTALLY understand and COMPLETELY relate. I was 16 when I lost my dad and while it's been 18 yrs (it's been longer in my life without him than with him) it's never easy on his bday or the anny of his death (esp b/c his is around T'giving). But I usually just try to pray about it, surround myself with positivity and remember all the joy he brought to my life and to others. He is not sufferring anymore and has a better purpose now, watching over us. Which is what your dad is doing. Just know he'd want you to be happy and not sad or reflecting on the sad parts but the joy and good times that you had with him while he was here.
Hope that helps and I'll be thinking of you.
I am so sorry! I lost my father on July 13, 1996 (I was 13), so that day does it for me. I know it sounds easier than it is, but I just try and remember the good times and focus on the happy memories that I have of him. If I need to laugh, I laugh, if I need to cry, I cry, if I need to scream, etc, etc.
Everyone is different in how they handle these situations, but maybe it would help to talk to someone about him today? I usually can't even think about my dad without crying, but sometimes that's all you need. I really hope your day gets a little easier, come vent anytime!
Thank you guys so, so much. I called and talked to my mom for a little bit and it made some of the anger go away... now I just want to cry.
You guys are totally right, he is healed and whole now. He was a wonderful, godly man and I know he's in heaven. I just reserve the right to be selflish today and wish he were still here... you know what I mean?
How long did it take you guys to visit your parent's gravesites? I'm ashamed to say that I still haven't been ready to visit it since we buried him. I just have this fear that if I go visit it, it will somehow mar remembering him alive and well.
While I haven't lost my parents, I understand. My sweet great-grandmother died on my birthday in 2000 and my favorite uncle died on March 14 of last year unexpectedly. It took me awhile to not be upset on my birthday every year since, but that day was the worst birthday I've ever had. I still think about her often and especially on that day. My uncle... I'm not over his death yet. On our next trip to Huntsville, I think we will just go out to the cemetery and put flowers on both their graves. Now that I think about it, I should take some to multiple family members who are resting there. I've never gone alone as an adult, but maybe that will help me feel a little different about their passings.
I'm glad talking to your mom made you feel better and hope you continue to feel better throughout this day.
I haven't lost a parent, but just wantesd to say don't feel bad about the cemetary issue-everyone deals with that differently.
My mom needs to go to my grandmother's grave, she goes every time we go to her hometown and she cleans the stones (it's right under a tree). It's cathartic for her.
My MIL, on the other hand, was the opposite. Her mom died in 1995 (same year as my grandma) but never went after the burial....until her father died in 2007. That was the first time she saw the marker that her parents now share. And now she hasn't even been back to Ohio since then. :-/
I think it's okay to have that feeling about the gravesite- though personally I think that eventually (whether it be now or 10 years from now) ?it would be good to not that physical place be a burden for you. ?You don't have to go, but you shouldn't let it have any power over you either. Does that make sense?
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This is a good point. It's a personal decision for you to make. I personally don't want to be buried at a gravesite b/c I don't want anyone to feel guilty for not visiting "me". Everyone has lives and things to do, and I don't want them feeling guilty for not taking time to go out of the way to sit and talk to my head stone. I would rather they just think about me every once in a while. But on the other hand, I've got to consider what my DH and family would want. Would it make them feel better to have a grave site to visit? Would they feel cheated if they don't? Maybe DH wants us to "rest" beside each other. I don't know. But all this to say, you remember your dad however you want to remember him, in a way that you feel would show respect and make you happy, and that will make him happy.
Yesterday was the anniversary of when I lost my mom. ?It has been 12 years and it never gets easier. ?In fact, sooo many things reminded me of her yesterday which I wanted to believe was her letting me know she's with me. ?All the way down to her favorite songs randomly coming on in our hotel yesterday. ?What are the odds? ?The night ended with "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton which was her absolute fave. ?I lost it- it just hit me so hard and I miss her terribly.
I hope today goes easy for you and maybe he'll send a little reminder that he's with you ?:)
(((hugs))) from the Las Vegas airport! ?:)?
I completely agree that visiting/not visiting the gravesite needs to be on your terms. My dad is buried literally right across the street from my mother's house (there is a big cemetary there). I never actually go "visit" per se, I go see the flowers when they are put on for decoration and that's it. I know he's not there, he's in a much better place.
I also agree that you deserve the right to be selfish, angry, sad, whatever your feelings are today! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise either. To each his own. I'm glad talking to your mom helped out a little.
You guys are awesome. Thank you so, so much for the words of encouragement! Today is so much better, I just have a huge emotional hangover right now. I ended up leaving work at 12 and going home for a while and I went with my mom, stepdad, and dh to visit my sister and her boyfriend in Jacksonville last night. My sister was having a rough go of it and it was nice to be able to hug her and talk about everything.
This year was so much more different than in the years past. The past 3 other anniversaries, the pain was so crippling the only thing I had the strength to do was lay in bed and cry. This year I was finally able to actually get myself out of bed, get dressed, and go to work but it felt like all of that weakness (for lack of a better word) that I had the past 3 other times was replaced by anger. It was odd. Anyone else experience this?