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Flameful/Confessions/Whatever
*I daydream about owning a bakery at some point in my life. In a perfect world, I'd actually just be responsible for the desserts at a Brewpub owned in part by my boyfriend and one of our friends. Ha! If one of us wins the lottery (yeah right), we're so doing it.
*All the talk of eloping and weddings has kind of made me think of the what-if's. If I get married, I will be asking for a destination wedding. I will be requesting that it be very small. I will be begging to have it on a beach. I can just imagine my daughters, parents, brother and his family...and the immediate family of that lucky guy I'd be marrying standing on a beach, no stress...no one to impress...just love. And it feels awesome to think about.
*The fact that I even think of these things scares the CRAP out of me.
*The "L word" has been exchanged, and the feeling I got when he said it was something that has only been topped with meeting Ava and Lily.
*I bought an elliptical. It is still in the box. I trip over it almost 4 times a day.
*ExH has a girlfriend and I'm very happy for him. I am worried about the girls, she is apparently spending a lot of alone time with them. She has a child of her own, and I worry about how the girls will be treated. The one saving grace is that Lily is a master nark and I have no doubt that if anything takes place that is out of line, she will tell me.
*I wish today was over.
Re: Flameful/Confessions/Whatever
* ordered business cards and started a blog for a business I want to get going. I have had it all for over a month, but I'm scared to put it out there because it's still borderline "hobby"
* I have an entry in the blog in my siggy. I want to tell the world about it because not many people (besides you ladies) gave me any encouragement or support, and that was very hard for me. HOWEVER, I am very proud of myself for making it this long.
* M is still sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed. I have no desire to put him in his crib. He has about 4 inches until he will be too long for the bassinet.
* The house next to us is being foreclosed on. I want it to be condemned and then someone can knock down the house and we can buy the lot.
I cannot stand when people say or type things like, "be still my uterus!" or "my ovaries ache" when they see babies. WTF says that in normal conversation?? Same goes for "my outside baby" vs. "my inside baby".
I have a goal weight to reach by Labor Day that is probably unattainable, considering we are nearing August. Agh.
*I love DS1 with every single ounce of my soul, but that child's neediness is exhausting. I let him sit in the car (with the radio and a/c) while I held DS2 for a few minutes because I feel like I never hold him anymore.
*DH's bff is moving back to town next month. Those two love nothing more than to binge eat together. I'm scared that DH is going to treat every weekend like a vacation together and gain a bunch of weight.
*I was seriously considering running the Omaha half marathon. Today I find out from this guy I had a crush on a million years ago that his wife is running it, and now I'm on the fence. I'm pretty sure she'll be faster than me because she doesn't work and can let her kids play at LTF all day while she works out.
*I'm insanely jealous of people who don't work and can let their kids play at LTF all day while they work out.
I just bought my neighbors treadmill and am canceling my gym membership. Paying 20 bucks a month to go once or twice just to walk on the treadmill is driving me crazy (waste of money). Now I can get in a 20 minute walk during Lyra's naps or while she plays in the exersaucer. I just want to do this 3x's a week.
My house is still a disaster, I was supposed to go out of town this weekend but that has all been canceled due to an unforseen event in my friends life. Boo!
I am predicting this project will not be done till right before the sale then I will be busy with it, then gone for 2 weeks and my house won't get cleaned till late sept.
I am probably going to fly down and get my mom before the sale, I'm slightly worried that I may be pushing myself trying to run the sale care for Lyra and help my mom.
DH is working the next 10 days straight and will probably be working till at least 3 am on 5 of those days. I feel bad his sleep may get interupted since Lyra is so darn loud in the mornings and up with the birds and we can't leave because of the construction guys.
4 weeks till the sale and this is going to be a big one!
I still need to sell my car but with everything else going on it hasn't been my focus.
*I think the steps are developing a butt print from Owen practically living there the past week or so. He's really testing boundaries. It's tiring.
*I feel more hurt than I could've ever imagined. I told my older brother that if he ever pulled that sh!t that I would be cutting out that side of our family. Include me if or I'll be done with you.
*I unloaded on my dad and I think it may help.
*Amelie must be teething because she's just been so sad. I forgot how hard it is to have a baby in pain that doesn't understand. I feel so helpless so I just let her sit on the boob for comfort pretty much all day.
*My house is a massive disaster due to the above mentioned activities and I don't care.
*I haven't been to Jazzercise in a couple of weeks because I feel guilty just leaving my kids to go. I feel really selfish that I'm taking time on my own when we could be doing things as a family of 4.
*Owen is back on his obsession with The Backyardigans and I could not be happier. I love that show far more than any adult should.
*Ginger left us a while back and it totally broke my heart. We adopted 2 brother kitties last week and while they're adjusting fairly well, I just want them to cuddle up with me. They'll come around but seeing them play with each other and snuggle up makes me want to join them but they're not ready for that.
*The thought of going back to work makes me really excited, but the thought of leaving my kids kind of makes me want to throw up. I'm not sure why it seems so hard for me. It sucks.
I wish DH would get a better job. He was self employed until the end of last year and it is so hard to find something that pays good without a college degree. He works his a$$ off and I'm sad he can't find some type of career.
I can't stand this girl I'm friends with on fb who has a pitty party everyday. Her and her DH have 2 kids no money and a ton of debt. Its their own fault they are in the situation they have and I get tired of her looking for handouts.
I have a 2nd pt job and I hate it. I hate having to deal with customers and getting paid shiit. I'm for sure quitting the end of the year. Just need it now to get this last dang credit card paid off.
I need to cut shopping for awhile so I'll stop using my credit card.
I have a gym membership paying $40 a month and I go once a week to Zumba. I was going more but working 2 jobs cuts out a ton of time. I need to cancel it soon and get into running again. I also have a treadmill at home that collects dust but it is hard to run inside when its summer.
As much as I want kids and am glad my mom has offered to watch them a ton in the summer since she is off, I'm scared to leave them with DH's parents. I know they will just plop them in front of the tv and feed them crap.
This pregnancy has me being a worry wort about EVERYTHING. I changed the morning sickness regimen I was doing around and now I have no morning sickness and I LOVE it, but it worrys me since the whole thing this weekend.
I have an appt with my OB next week and secretly hope she does and US (Even though there isnt one scheduled)...maybe she can "slip" me in!
I'm having a hard time not telling my "pregnant secret".....but trying my hardest to not spill yet.
My DH has been AMAZING through everything lately!!
A couple more months left of school and I CANT WAIT!!!
The ones who've been here a few weeks longer because of her "I don't just trust anyone to watch my babies" and who wouldn't let her daughter eat a pear off of our pear tree without washing it first, she puts both kids in no back booster seats and puts the shoulder strap seatbelt behind their backs (kids 3 & 5). I also get a small feeling of competition from the wife, like schitt I could give a rats asssss about and don't want to argue facts for the sake of arguing.
the newer neighbors because they home school & I can tell by watching their 4 kids play and interact with others.
*I actually feel kind of bad about it, because both families are really, really nice and I don't hate spending time with them and am looking forward to R getting here and playing with their kids.
*Dh and a co-worker finally got the brakes changed in my car. I've been driving dh's car since the middle of May waiting for them to do it. It's finally done and today it became my car again!! Also, I was playing around with car seats. I have E's convertible rear facing in the middle and a no back booster on both sides just to see if it'll work when this baby gets here, and I think it's going to work. I really did not want to have to give up this cute little car.
*I feel effin huge already, where it's difficult to bend because this baby is ginormous and gets in my way. I haven't had an OB appt since I was 16 weeks. Not that I've been skipping them or anything, but the 20 week appt is just the ultrasound, then you have a 24 week appt. I had to push back the ultrasound a bit while i was in the states, so that screwed everything else up. I do have an appt on Friday, so we'll see what they have to say.
I have a project manager that does this. I want to drown the mouse in her pocket.
1. My MIL drives me nuts. I dont trust her taking Owen out to places in public. I always fear something bad is going to happen to him, she wont buckle him in his carseat right, she'll lose him, he'll drown -- all justified fears because she a)doesnt buckle him in well b) has lost him in a restarant c)wanted to take him swimming when she doesnt even own a swimsuit - and wanted to know if he was too little to go down the big waterslides.
2. It bugged me today in HyVee when I saw a really obese teen that works there, walking around with a plate of 3 slices of pizza and a huge cup of ranch - I'm assuming he was on his lunch break. I want to grab him and say "Dude, there is a really nice salad bar RIGHT HERE" -- it makes me sad. I guess you just kinda give up after a while, and say fvck it, I'm already obese, I'm just going to eat this pizza anyway. I shouldnt care, but I do. I want to spare them all these health problems they will get later in life.
3. I''m not ready to have another baby. Mentally, I'm not. I'm scared, shittless. I'm scared when dh goes back to work, and I am on my own for 24 stretches with both of them. I dont just want to sit here and cry and be miserable.
I dont want to feel like that again. I hope its better this time. But I am scared.
4. I cant sleep. Ever. Its stressing me out. Everything hurts. My mind races. Owen snores.
You know Chloe & I will come help you anytime! You'll be just fine.
I want to strangle my MIL. She doesn't get that DS HAS to burp after every feeding, no matter what. If he doesn't, he will get major gas pains and scream for 3 hrs. And her version of burping is barely tapping him. I've asked her several times, and told her she needs to burp him harder, and she says "I don't want to hurt him." You aren't going to hurt him. He has to burp. If he was going to get hurt, we would have hurt him by now! She went with me to my hair appt today so Jess could see DS and so I could watch MIL - she tried to give him an almost ice cold bottle because "the hot water ran out." Um, no. The hot water won't run out. Promise. I love Jess - she let her go back in the break room and use that sink, and she STILL had to go back 2 more times and make it warmer. And she thinks he can't play - all he can do is be rocked and sleep.
DH was up for a position today, and he'd be really good at it. He's worried because they questioned his work experience, and is now majorly doubting his abilities. I want to shake him and say "Have confidence!" And now I'm worried he's going to sink back down into depression.
Picture courtesy of Heidi Keene Photography
I was able to find an in home daycare for Joey that we will be paying less for 2 kids than what we were paying for just Joey at the center she attends. While I loved the center we were at, their prices are astronomical for more than 1 kid. My coworker takes her kids to the same in-home daycare and raves about her, so I'm looking forward to Joey going there. DH and I will officially be TTC on my next cycle and I am beyond excited.
I hired a cleaning lady and feel really guilty about it. Between working full time and teaching 4 classes, something had to give. She is going to come every week. I hope it works out.
I miss my kids like crazy when I am at work.