Family Matters
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Am I over reacting?
So my DH and all his siblings refer to their parents as Mommy and Daddy. I think they never made the change to something like Mom or Dad because my ILS still refer to themselves as Mommy and Daddy. I don't want to be a b!tch and know that I have no control over what my husband calls his parents. I also want to respect what my ILS want their own children to call them. However, I can't help it. I cringe whenever I hear my H call his mom/dad "mommy" or "daddy", or when my H is asked to go get his Mommy/Daddy.
Should I just ignore this? I don't even know how I would bring it up to DH without sounding controlling, so I am leaning towards just ignoring it. Is this normal?
Re: Am I over reacting?
Yes, ignore. This isn't your call to make.
However, I do agree with you. Grown adults calling their parents "mommy" and "daddy"? I can give a little lee-way if it's a woman calling her dad "daddy", but even that will make me pause.
My IL's started, in the past few years, calling THEMSELVES mommy and daddy when talking to DH. He finds it really weird himself. He's almost 40! He calls them mom and dad. why they reverted to mommy and daddy when talking about themselves has both of us baffled.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
An American Girl's Travels
I agree that you probably should ignore...
BUT..
I probably wouldn't. I'd probably call him out on it one night after going over to visit them, and just ask "Do you think it's weird that you still call your parents mommy and daddy instead of mom and dad?" and see what he says. I'd let him know that I always think of little kids calling parents that but never adults and just thought it was funny.
The negative is that if he doesn't see it at all he'd probably get mad. Or he might get it but can't change 'cause "that's the way it is".
OR he might be "yeah I hate it...I'm not doing that any more"
East Coast- that is really strange! That would weird me out to.
Thanks for both the previous posts, I kind of knew that's what I should do but it really bugs me sometimes and I needed this feedback
If your H is not the argumentative type, then I don't think it's out of line to bring it up when you're both in a good mood: "Just curious, H, why do you guys keep saying Mommy and Daddy now that you're adults? Does that feel weird to you?" I wouldn't approach it from the standpoint of "That's weird as hell and you shouldn't do it anymore" (even though I'd agree with you), though, because it's not your place to tell him that.
But if your H is the type who'd immediately get defensive about this or see it as you trying to start an argument, then I'd just save yourself the headache and not talk about it.
I don't think he'd get defensive because it's something he doesn't think twice about- everyone calls them that, they calls themselves that. The whole "Just curious..." line is a good way to approach it if it ever comes up.
I guess it only really bothers me when we are all out in public, because it's weird and embarrassing to me! We went out the other weekend and FIL didn't have his wallet, so he asked DH to go get some money from "Mommy" and it's just embarrassing in front of people!
To each their own. I still find it weird. But I don't see how it's embarassing to you, though.
Now, your DH saying "yes, I'll go ask mommy" - THAT would embarass me.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
i really dont see how this is an issue. he can call his parents whatever he likes.
so yes, imo, you are over-reacting.
I think it's embarrassing because I know DH calls her mommy also, so even though he isn't at the time I guess I just feel like it's the same? I think it's my overall feelings about it coming out.
Of course DH calls her Mommy in public, because that is what he calls her, but I need to shift my viewpoint of FIL referring to MIL as Mommy to what you said- something that will just be viewed as a cute quirk.
Could the be regional / cultural? Where I'm from, most everyone refers to their parents and Daddy and Mama. They are terms of endearment. I honestly think that I'd hurt their feelings if I started calling them Dad and Mom. As long as he's not raising his voice up a few octaves to sound like a toddler whining for his Mommy, I really don't see an issue or why it's something for you to be embarrassed by at all.
It could be, my MIL is Mexican.
Thank you for everyone's advice- I don't know why it bothers me, it just does, but after everyone's comments I think that if I just try and look at it differently I can move past it.
In my parents' culture, this is the norm. They feel that "Mom" or "Mother" (Dad/Father) is cold and unemotional.
My 89 year old great aunt still refers to her mother as "Mommy."
I agree with this. H calls his parents mommy and daddy. I actually found it cute. I like it when he says mommy or daddy. I feel like it's showing a soft-side of him.
This. We still call our parents Mummy/Daddy. Sometimes just mum/dad. In my culture though, many people say Mummy/Daddy though mum/dad is common as well. No one says mother/father.
Trust me, this isn't a Mexican thing. I don't know any one in my family that calls their parents "Mommy & Daddy", except children.
Every once in a while, I slip and call my Dad "Daddy" but then I get embarassed.
Ignore it.
While it is unusual, if it is an endearment you shouldn't mess with it. There are bigger things in life and it's silly for this to even be a blip on your screen.
Weird; but don't comment. No good can come of it.
There are certain parts of La/Ms that I have been in where it is VERY common for adults to call their parents mommy/daddy. Not only do they call them that, but it's also how they refer to them to other people. For example, I have a friend, who will say, 'daddy's coming to visit' of 'daddy made a pot roast for dinner' lol. At first it sounded SO strange, but now I think it's kind of cute. Imagine it being said with a very heavy southern drawl.
My H is latin and he calls his mom 'mami' but when it's said, it sounds like 'mommy'. At first i was like, ha, you call you mom, mommy, but then when I saw the spelling I realized that's just how it sounds in English.
Yes to above quote! my family is Mexican. I call my mom and dad "mama and papa" or just mom and dad. One of my SIL is from Coasta Rica and she calls her parent " Mami" and " Papi" with spanish accent on the " i " . But IMO even though I know I know it's cultural it's sounds funny to me
But again I say mom/mama or dad/papa. So who am I to point fingers 