Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
He admitted he cheated.
2 weeks ago my husband said he was taking my daughter to target. They didn't come home until 130 in the morning. When I asked him about the next morning he said he had an emergency at work and had to go up to his store. (He's a store manager for dominos). And after that they went to his mothers where they fell asleep. I already don't like his mother for more than your typical MIL drama. Then the next night he said he had a project to do but needed Internet connection so he was going to his grandmothers. When my alarm went off I noticed he wasn't home. I text him asking where he was and he said his grandmothers. 20 minutes later I text him again asking where he was and he said the gym. Not even 5 minutes later I received an alert saying our card had been used in spring. When I confronted him he said while he was at his grandmothers his mother called him needing a ride home because her boyfriend left her on the side of the road after a fight. Then last night he told me that he was with an ex high school CRUSH who is married to man that adopted her daughter and they have one together! He took our daughter to her house to play with her daughters while her husband was out of town and they all fell asleep. So talking turned into SEX! Then the next night he went back for more. I don't know which is worse being lied to several times or that my husband cheated on me with a married woman? He said it was jus sex, but I went through his phone. He texts her good morning my love. How did you sleep baby? What the hell am I supposed to do!?!?! Forgive and move on or leave him? I knew this would happen. That's why 6 months I asked him to cut off any form of communication with her. Then out of nowhere she sent him a friend request on Facebook. And now all this. Do I confront her? Do I tell her husband? I'm rambling because we had this conversation not even an hour ago and I'm a mess of emotions.
Re: He admitted he cheated.
Cheating = deal breaker
Lying AND cheating = deal beaker x 1000
I'm seriously shaking my head at the amount of lies AND the ridiculousness of the lies. Wtf. I'd kick his a$$ to the curb and not look back.
She didn't cheat on you. Your husband did. Confronting her may make you feel better but it won't solve anything.
I would not be an adult if I was faced with this, I'd absolutely tell her husband. This whole thing is gross. It did happen in the house she shares with her husband and her children with your child in the home? GROSS.
Your H is an a$$ and I would kick him out, throw his crap on the front lawn and file for divorce. Look at the absolute lack of respect he has shown, to your marriage and hers, down to the kids. I couldn't make this work if I wanted to try. Good luck, it's your choice to make.
Make sure if you go my route to think. Transfer money out of your joint account, get financial documents and if you can screen shots of all the texts, phone calls and FB crap.
Ugh the texting "good morning my love" would burn me even more than (or at least as much as) the sex part. And he brought your kid over to her house? Sigh. I would be so pissed. Sorry you are going through this.
I would tell her husband, because if I were that guy I would want to know. As far as your husband, it is far too early to forgive because he hasn't taken responsibility for what he has done and for lying to you and you have no reason to think this was only a two time deal, as he refers to her as "love" and all that.
I would screen shot those texts and forward them to yourself. I would keep any and all evidence and i would take the evidence to her husband because he probably won't believe you (and she'll try and lie her way out of it) if you don't take evidence with you.
I would leave. Absolutely no way would I stay. You told him of your concern months ago so he went in willingly and knowingly. He took your CHILD into that environment. That would upset me more than the love/sex stuff. If i were her husband I would be pissed that it happened in MY bed and MY house in front of OUR kids. Not to mention when he wrote those texts to you about where he was, he was WITH her. Doing goodness knows what. He had sex with another person while you were texting him asking his whereabouts. He can't claim he was drunk, or forgot where he was, heat of the moment. He went in knowingly and purposefully.
I would not confront her. She is nothing to you but the woman your husband had an affair with. You can't blame only her, much as you want to, because HE is the one that's supposed to have loyalty to you and supposed to love you. HE betrayed you. You wouldn't blame the alcohol if he were an alcoholic, so don't blame the woman. That's HER husbands job. Yes I'd feel angry towards her, yes I would call her all sorts of names in my head, and to my friends and family, the woman who slept with a man she KNEW was married... but ultimately, though she's a horrible person too, it was your husband that cheated on you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I would file for divorce, sole custody of the child/ren and to keep the house (even at least while the divorce is pending). I would also file for financial support while the divorce is pending. You and your children deserve better.
Well, if you knew this was going to happen six months ago, that means you know if you stay it'll happen again. Are you willing to continue forgiving and forgetting while he continues sticking his d!ck into random women? Just remember that if you do choose to stay and he cheats on you again, you've lost the right to complain about it. I mean, you know the guy is a cheater. If you're willing to stay married to a cheater, you can't get upset when he cheats on you.
Wow. Not only did he lie and cheat, he showed unbelievably poor parenting skills. Not sure how old your daughter is but I doubt she was oblivious to the fact that her father was doing something inappropriate with another woman (I am sure they were flirting in front of the kids). Then he went back again the following day, no remorse or guilt. I do not buy that the kids just fell asleep and talking turned to sex. He went there with a purpose and put your child in a dangerous situation. What would have happened had her husband come home?
I agree with the poster that suggested collecting all the text messages, emails, etc. Get your records together and head to a lawyer on Monday. I do believe some couples can survive infidelity but it is rare and I don't think holds true for your marriage. Your husband just doesn't care.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Holy crow --- what a damn three ring circus THIS is!
His mother was left where by who???
How disgusting --- he had YOUR DAUGHTER out until all hours of the night while he was up to his own little hijinks.
What you need to do:
Secure an attorney and file for divorce. Do it TOMORROW. Don't delay.
Please protect yourself and the kiddo. Protect your assets so that he cannot secure them and take that money; get child support and visitation settled with the attorney --- and I say push for no visitation since your H is not only a liar, a cheat and a skank, he's damn irresponsible and immature.
Heavens only knows what really came down when he had your daughter out at that hour and who knows where she really was.
He also stinks on ice.
Get rid of him posthaste. He is NO example of a husband and less of an example as a father. GL and stay safe.
Better yet:
This is your post from October and since he loves somebody else and apparently did, long before you were married, marrying you constitutes fraud on his part.Get this sham of a marriage annulled.
My husband and I have been married for 6 months. He recently admitted to me that he still loves a girl from high school he never actually dated. It's a very long story. But many problems have emerged from this situation.
He's gone to see her alone in her apartment. Hes lied to me saying he was going to work when he went to see her.
He told me that he hoped that his love for me would be so great that it wouldn't matter that he wasn't with her.
Well, excuse ME!
He's told her that he misses her and the puppy love they shared. Everytime we fight he calls her "to vent". So now that some of the background has been presented, am I overreacting by asking him to completely cut off any form of contact with her? Everytime I bring it up he has a different excuse as to why he feels that I'm being crazy or insecure for no reason. I don't want my marriage to be over because I'm actually asking too much and handling this wrong. Any advice would be appreciated. I want to know both sides. Should I stand firm with my request or should I drop it?
He's a piece of trash. Says he never dated her? Methinks he's lying again and he's full of crap and this is another story he cooked up.
Why are you asking for advice?
Your douche bag h took YOUR child tuo another womans house and F'd her while your d was in another room.
He lied about it a million different ways
He went back for more
he lied a million times more
and NO woman texts a man after just sex and says good morning my love
please please tell me you cant honestly think staying is an option?
I recommend www.survivinginfidelity.com
Go to the forums and click on the "Just Found Out" forum. You will read a lot of stories like yours there.
Some couples can move past infidelity but only when the betraying partner is truly sorry for the pain and hurt they have caused and they commit themselves fully to repairing their marriage. Your husband has not shown a bit of remorse or understanding of the depth of the hurt he has caused you. The prognosis is not good.
Go and consult with three of the best family law attorneys in town. (They can't represent him if they have already met with you - even if you don't hire them) Find out what your options are. You can file for divorce and withdraw the petition if you guys change your mind, but seriously, why would you want to settle for the dregs of his love and affection?
Take back your power. Don't wait for him to decide. Decide for yourself that you deserve a man who is in the marriage 100%.
Then file for divorce, and custody..
So ya didn't really "kick him out" --- he's still LIVING with you. Great move.
Who keeps a very small child out until nearly dawn?
Look: you don't need him. He's worthless to you: he's a poor husband and a worse father.
I can't figure out why you haven't seen the light on this: he needs to go, no questions asked -- and you need to file for divorce, LESS questions asked than that.
There's nothing here for you. Cut your losses and go. 2's company and 3's a crowd...loves somebody else? Then let him get the hell lost. YOU are worth much better than that.
All I can say is why would you ever want to be 2nd in the first place? Sucks but just knowing that my H has feelings for another woman, I would rather just NOT be in his life at all. You deserve better and should want to be with someone who YOU are his 1st and only choice. He is a horrible man and you should not stay with him. That is my opinion anyway. He showed being a bad father by bringing your daughter into this and obviously a crappy husband. I would tell her husband, like everyone else said and get a great lawyer and kick his butt to the curb!
A liar and a cheater are the 2 worst things a spouse can do. Dealbreaker for me definitely. If you choose to stay you are basically telling him its okay. I couldn't stay even if I wanted to, it would eat at me forever and I would probably never be truly happy. I'd always wonder if he was EVER telling me the truth... Good luck and so sorry you are going thru this..