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What Would You Do?
I work with a girl who is of Indian descent and has been dating a guy for 4 years and now they are talking about getting married. The only catch was she hadn't told her father that she was dating this guy. To add some insight into the situation, she is from a very traditional family and apparently they don't accept long term dating, you're expected to date for a short amount of time and then marry. She finally told him on Saturday, he blew up and he said a lot of hurtful things, couldn't believe that she was dating someone below their class station (which is only true back in India, he's a computer engineer w/ an MBA) and now won't speak to her and said he never wants to meet the boyfriend. I hope he'll calm down and come around. I can understand that he's angry about her keeping her boyfriend a secret for 4 years but she doesn't know what's going to happen. She said her father can be very stubborn and not back.
So my question is, what if this was your situation? What if your family didn't approve or what anything to do with your DH? How would you handle this? It's completely hypothetical...I thought it was an interesting topic for discussion.
Re: What Would You Do?
Wow. Very difficult. I don't even know if I can hypothesize this situation.
I am so close with my family and I cannot imagine choosing anything to distance myself from them. However, I couldn't ever keep something from my father for four years either. He's the first person I tell everything.
But, if my relationship was not like this with my father, I could understand following my heart.
My BFF/MOH is Indian. She has not dated anoyone for this reason. She dated briefly while we were in college but could never tell her parents. She's hasn't met any Indian guys she's liked at all romantically. It's really terrible because all she wants to be able to do is meet someone and settle down. I guess it doesn't help that her sisters are both married to very successful Indian men. All you can do is follow your heart.
I had another friend in college who was Indian as well. He was dating a sorority sister of mine. After awhile he told his parents about the relationship and they pretty much disowned him. My friend and sorority sister ended up moving in together and from what I hear his parents still won't talk to him. This has been like 5 years.
It's pretty common from what I've heard but these are only 2 situations. I guess it depends on how traditional your family is.
I love my family and I know that if they didn't approve of DH, I wouldn't have married him. But my parents would never not approve of DH because he wasn't the right background.
Wow.
I can't imagine picking between my family & my DH.
If I knew my family doesn't approve from the beginning (dating), the relationship is probably doomed. but on the other hand, if I marry DH and he and my family have a falling out....I think I'd side w/ DH....
In her situation, it's totally different, she's presumably fallen in love and has spent a considerable amount of time w/ this bf so to pick must be impossible.
Diagnosed with High FSH, low folical count, and absent anti mullerian count 08/11
I think she handled this all wrong. If she had been with him for 4 years but kept him a secret, she could have introduced him and had a "short" courtship ( in the father's eyes) then marry. Also, what kind of man does not ask the father ( or mother ) for the woman's hand in marraige. No wonder the father is mad. The BF showed no respect, in relation to the engagment.
As for the question, the relationship probably wouldn't even last long enough to engament if my parents didn't approve. No, I don't only date people my parents approve of but they are good judges of charrectors. When they first found out about the age difference between my Dh and I they were very skeptical and told me to leave him when he turned 40. That would have been one year after we met. Once they met him, they loved him.