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Am I wrong?
Seriously, I need someone to tell me if I'm really being wrong and selfish here. I think this is going to get long.
My cousin is getting married in San Antonio next month.
For DH and I to go to this wedding, it would cost us around $400 (at least) for hotel (only one night), gas, food, and boarding two dogs for two days. We feel like we didn't even spend that on ourselves to get married/have a honeymoon, so how can we justify the expense here? So, DH and I decided that we could not both afford to go. DH said I could go without him and since my stepdad will be out of the country, my mom said I could stay in her room.
Problem is I really don't want to go without him. This is going to be a really big, fancy wedding. Dinner, dancing, the whole nine yards. Maybe I'm being weird, but I just don't feel like going to an event like this without my husband. Sitting at a table with my mother and teenage brother and watching a wedding I didn't get to have. While I am perfectly fine with our choice not to have a big wedding, it still stings a little that weren't able to have the experience.
So, I told my mom my final decision this morning and she seems kind of upset with me. I'm pretty sure she thinks it's my DH not wanting me to go (it's not; this is completely my decision). I know I shouldn't care what she thinks, but you know how mother's like to pull those guilt trips.
Should I suck it up and go? Or should I stick to my guns on this and just let my mom be mad at me?
Re: Am I wrong?
This cousin you speak of...are you really close with her. Like do you talk them on a regular basis? Did they come to your wedding? I think the answer to these two would help me make the decision.
That being said I wouldn't want to go with my out my DH. That just seems weird.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to decline the invitation if you simply can't afford to go.
I love her to death, but I would not say we are particularly close. She is seven years younger than me, so it's not like we really grew up together. And it's not like I think she will care one way or another if I'm not there. And I really don't think the rest of my family (grandparents, uncles) will give it anymore than a fleeting thought that I'm not there.
I feel bad that I'm not going, but I don't think I would regret it.
I guess, I'm in the minority here. I wouldn't go. I'd also feel werid about not being able to take DH to such a huge gathering. If you really look at it, weddings are like HUGE parties. Sorry, but they are. I'd want to spend that time with my DH, rather than sitting at the table with my mother just so she won't be mad at me. She'll get over it.
IMO - do what makes you happy & stick to your guns.
Well, IMO you sound pretty juvenile. I don't know why you can't go to a family wedding without your husband. If it was a random friend, maybe - but this is your cousin so you will have plenty of family and people to talk to there.
If you really "love her to death" as you say, then I can't imagine you don't want to be there on her special day. But if you're going to sulk about it all weekend then definitely don't go.
I'd go. It's not that big of a deal to go w/o your DH, especially since it's a cousin and you'll know people there. Sure, it'd be more enjoyable with DH there, but not the end of the world. Look at it as an opportunity to spend time with your mom. Not trying to be rude, but yeah, I kinda see it as silly to skip out on something like this because your DH can't go. That's life!
I also agree with Meg - Carpool and share a room with your mom. We've done this before! It's just for one night so not a big deal.
Honestly my DH would be begging me to go by myself to a family wedding!
See? This is why I'm wavering. I think I know I'm being silly.
I do have a great time with my mom and brother. We are very close. That's not the issue at all.
And it's NOT like DH and I are the type of couple who feel the need to do everything together. Quite the opposite, actually. And his first suggestion when we ran numbers and knew we couldn't both afford to go was for me to go with my mom.
I think part of it too is family dynamics. My brothers and I and my mom and even my stepdad (and it's his family) sort of get ignored when we were all together because my cousin and her brothers and my uncle are clearly the favorites. So, I'm sure part of my apprehension is it only being me and my mom and one of my brothers without my stepdad and husband. If we were all there, we would have a good time by ourselves and not worry about the rest of them.
I'll probably go. I just needed a wider variety of opinions. A lot of my friends have agreed with my initial decision, but they know the full backstory of my family. I needed to see how it looked to the general public, so to speak.
"Re: Am I wrong?"
Yes, you are wrong.
You should go without dh. I'm sure your Mom would enjoy some time with just you.
It sounds like to me that you want to hear that Nesties agree with you about not going.
Your cousin might want you there more than you think. I had one first cousin not come to my wedding because he had to work and he was definitley missed. In all the family photos he's the only one missing.
I don't see what you have to loose by going. It'll be a fun weekend getaway with your mom. San Antonio is a fun town. Just go and have a good time!
No, I wasn't trying to get you Nesties to agree with me. I had a feeling these were the responsed I would get. It is why I asked. I do have my reasons for not going and I think my feelings are valid given what I know about myself and my family, but I did have enough sense to realize that I might be wrong. So, I asked the question. Really, I probably asked because I've been conflicted and really do want to go. My best friend told me last week that she wouldn't go without her husband, so that validated my feelings of not wanting to go without him, but I still had the nagging feeling to go. You guys confirmed my feelings.
missywong--We cannot afford for both my husband and I to go. If we could, there would not even be an issue. I would love nothing more than for us to turn this into a romantic weekend, but we literally cannot afford to do that.
have you already rsvp'd that you are going, that should be another big factor. especially if it is a big fancy wedding, they have probably already turned in head counts and paid a lot of money for you to be there
i think if you and your dh can't split the hotel with your mom and brother, then go with your mom. if it is not her family she is probably going to be very glad to have you there.
I do want to thank you all for the blunt, smack me in the head responses. That's what I wanted because, like I said in the previous post, I think I knew what I should do and what I really wanted to do, but I was having trouble sorting out all my feelings.
I would personally go, with or without your husband. If you want your husband to go then maybe you could split a room with your mom or stay in a different hotel. You could also ask around and see if a friend would be willing to housesit and take care of your dogs rather than paying for boarding.
My DH is a resident and because of his schedule he hasn't been able to go to any family events for the past 2 years and probably won't until we are done here (3 more). I am not going to miss out on things in either of our families just becaue he can't come so I go to most things like that by myself right now. In fact, one of my BM is getting married in Scotland this summer and I am going there by myself as well. It's not ideal but it's the way it is right now.