Father keeps overstepping the boundaries...

nauticallife · August 2013

Hey All,

This is my first post So a little background, my father is really into technology - invented some kind of internet thing and sold it in the 90s, then retired. He's a genius which can be awesome. However, he's also extremely paranoid - always thinks of the worst possible scenario and wants to be prepared for EVERYTHING!.

Onto the issue:

My H and I just bought our first house in June (yay!). It's a definite fixer upper, built in the 1950's - it's really cute but needs a lot of help. My dad offered to do the electrical for us as a housewarming present (he's good at that). We agreed, but we soon found out that no matter what we want, he's just doing things that he wants. The electrical needed a new fuse box, but instead of just doing that, he's making our house a "smart house". He keeps saying this will increase the resale value, and we keep telling him thats not what were concerned about - we already got it for way below market value. We've had numerous talks with him about the fact that we dont want phone and email jacks in every room, he says fine and then does them anyways. He keeps doing things without asking and he's been in our house since June doing things we specifically asked him not to. He's even getting angry at me and my husband saying we're being ungrateful and it's a gift, we should appreciate it. Although that's true, it's our house and if we don't want things, we should be able to say no.

This wouldn't bother me so much except that my H is going crazy - if it was a regular electrician we would just fire him, but of course he's not. It's putting a lot of pressure on our relationship AND the relationship with us and my parents. I really don't know what to do...

Thanks for reading! Sorry it's long...

Candyce

EastCoastBride · August 2013

You need to back your DH up. Let your dad get angry. Better him than your DH. this is your DH's house, NOT your dads. "fire" your dad and hire someone who will do what you want.

nauticallife · August 2013

Thanks, I was thinking this - I just hate confrontation!

Disneygeek77 · August 2013

Just part of growing up. My parents didn't like it when I told them we wouldn't be there on Christmas morning, but ya know what ? They got over it.

MLE2010 · August 2013

Your Dad has a point. It's your house but if he's doing these improvements for free, I don't get it.

moonprincessd · August 2013

And this is why you don't hire family members...

He's doing it for free, so not sure why you're complaining? So you don't need phone jacks in every room, is it really a bad thing if there are? It definitely would increase the resale value.

I think I would be more on your side if you were paying him.... we just had to fork over $950 in order to get our house rewired because the idiot who owned it before did a crappy job, most likely they tried wiring it themselves, it was a complete fire hazard.

mcskatcat · August 2013

I'm posting as someone who has a similar situation - my dad is very handy, but lives out of town, so most of the time when he visits he wants to do things around the house that are not always necessary.

That being said, I just forked out a lot of cash for a handyman that was far and away more frustrating than my dad. If extra jacks and outlets or your concern, I would get over it for the price it would cost you to hire an electrician. I get that it can be frustrating, but I don't think any of the things you mentioned will cause any "harm" to the house or the value, so you will probably just be better off going with it. If you don't want to use him, then I certainly hope you realize what an electrician can cost. Just like accepting money from family, accepting an offer of service comes with strings attached. If you want things done a certain way, you probably should have hired someone in the first place.

nauticallife · August 2013

I'm still torn... but thanks for the advice - have to think on it. Definitely understand that electricians are expensive, but it may be worth it so my H isnt so stressed out. We shall see, keep you guys posted

Manther1222 · August 2013

Why is your H so stressed out?

PrincessVegan · August 2013

It sounds like your FI is doing it for free and buying the parts himself. If it's his hobby then let him at it.

However if what you are really annoyed about is him always being at your house and not getting alone time then you need to talk to your FI about that aspect of it.

2012FutureMrsB · August 2013

PrincessVegan said:

It sounds like your FI is doing it for free and buying the parts himself. If it's his hobby then let him at it.

However if what you are really annoyed about is him always being at your house and not getting alone time then you need to talk to your FI about that aspect of it.

FI means fiance. She's married and her H isn't doing the work. Did you mean her father?

tiffanysbride · August 2013

I have a hard time how, added jacks and outlets are the same as a smart house. He is right about the outlets BTW. We ruled out several homes b/c they just didn't have proper hookups for modern amenities. Phone and "email" jacks (do you mean CAT5) are standard things to add when updating electrical.

Is the problem your father helping or the fact that your FI wishes he was doing it and doesn't like accepting the help? I would think about the issue and what it actually is. If you don't want a smart house then draw that line, I would. If he is adding jacks within reason, its not worth ruining a relationship.

kartish · August 2013

My dad helped us remodel after a flood and he definitely went above and beyond what I wanted. He has been in the business for years and pretty much is of the mind that he knows best. I didn't want half of the things he did, but once he was done, I saw how it all worked and my house looks amazing. I wouldn't change a thing! I think that you have to think about the end result, about how you are never going to have to worry about limiting where you can put a phone, computer or television.

EclecticEsoteric · August 2013

I guess your father and I must be cut from the same cloth, because I don't see an issue with what he is doing, especially since he is doing it for free as a gift. Having a phone jack and cable hook-ups in each room is actually a really good idea, not just for resale, but for future use. However, I am a bit biased haha (I have one phone jack - right outside of the bathroom in the hallway, who thought of that?)

What needs more clarification is why your H is so upset about it.

Father keeps overstepping the boundaries...

Re: Father keeps overstepping the boundaries...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards