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Dear Community,

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unethical?

Hi! Just moved over from the Knot. I have a question about a job I am up for. I am an attorney, and my current contract ends at the end of this month, so I have been frantically looking for jobs. I had an interview that was really promising, but it is about an hour away from home. I am fine with doing that commute for a while, but I don't know how I feel about it long term. I expect to have a baby in about 3 years, and my H's job (which is triple my income) is 15 minutes away from home. We have no real desire to move away from this area, and H obviously won't want to leave his job. I am undecided about whether I will want to work after baby, as well.

The problem is, the firm really stressed that they want someone for the long term, and I feel sort of icky about assuring them that I am fine with the commute and may possibly even move in the future. If they offered it to me, would it be wrong to take it? I really need a job, and I would have no problem with the commute for at least a year and more likely even 2 years. I kind of feel like its nbd, b/c life happens all the time. They could hire a lifelong resident who never wants to move and wants her name on their door, and she could get an epiphany and go live on a commune, or decide to stay at home, or drop dead. I don't feel like I should be unemployed bc my heart isn't necessarily in it forever and ever, but I don't want to lead these very nice people on either.

What do you think?

Dreaming of our Hawaiian honeymoon! Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: unethical?

  • I'm confused about someone who goes to school and studies for bar exams to become an attorney then says they want to be a SAHM. Why did you work so hard for this career path if you don't want it?

    I don't think considering maybe having a baby in 3 years is a reason not to take the job. If you were already TTC and lying, that's not ok. You don't know how you'll feel in 3 years or how long it will take you to actually get pregnant anyway. Consider the position.
  • I never said I don't want this career path b/c I want to be a stay at home mom. I am just saying that I understand I won't know how I feel about motherhood vs. career until I actually have the baby. I could feel that pull to stay home with my child, or I could get bored and want to go back to work. I am trying to be flexible since I can't predict the future. I am also just concerned about the commute in general, even if we don't have a baby for like 10 years or something. I just don't know how long I'd be willing to commute that far.

    I chose the rigors of the profession because that is what I wanted to do. I wasn't going to skip law school on the chance that I might want to be a stay at home mom one day. Also as an attorney you always have the ability to go out on your own, do contract work, etc. Staying at home for a few years wouldn't kill a career (although this economy might)

    Dreaming of our Hawaiian honeymoon! Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • If you were already TTC I'd say maybe you should consider not taking it.  But, if you aren't planning for another few years and, at this point, you aren't even sure you'd want to stay home, just take the job.

    They may want someone to stay forever but, realistically, that doesn't happen all that often, either.
    image
  • A close commute is everything. Bear that in mind.
  • If you think it would be a good fit for you, go for it! When it comes to jobs it (unfortunately) needs to be about you! What would you do until you had a baby? If this is what you like to do - take the job.  Life happens, and they will be able to move on.  Who knows maybe they'll work with you after you have a baby with some sort of flexible working arrangement.
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