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I guess it was a long time coming.
Hey, so I generally have come here to post about one relationship in particular that has been hurting me for quite some time. I'm talking about a friend of mine who I used to consider one of my "Best Friends". Over the past year and a half this relationship has deteriorated. I've come here and mentioned it before. It's mostly because she would take these self-proclaimed "social haituses" for months at a time and then pop back whenever she wished. It hurt when she would do this because it usually followed a breakup (she goes with jerks and then after about a month it doesn't work out and she is usually completely devastated by the break up). I could never understand why she would want to isolate from people who care about her to mourn over jerks. But that's what she did.
After one of these "social haituses", I caught up with her over coffee and noticed some things that were strange. In conversation after telling me she was in solitude the whole time, she mentioned being at a club with so-and-so (new friends). Then she was trying to show me a photo on her phone and scrolled through ALLLLL of these pictures of her with a new crowd of friends. It's like she was lying to me and pretneding she was all alone in her apartment being sad, but really she was out with new people. Now it doesn't bother me that she has new friends, but it bothers me that she was hiding it in such a way. It felt very dishonest.
So a week ago, another fall out with a man happened, and she pulled the whole "social break" thing on me immediately. I decided it's time to give her tough love and call her out on this unhealthy behavior. So I wrote her an email just saying how it worries me that she allows jerks to devastate her so much, and that she shouldn't push away good people who love her. Well, she did not receive this well. She told me I'm clingy, that I "interrogate her" every time she sees me about what she's doing, who she is hanging out with, why I'm not invited (this is only true because I happened to ask why I wasn't invited to her recent birthday party...I thought it was so hurtful to see she went out for it when she had specifically told me she wasn't doing anything for it). Again, I don't get whats with all the lies.
We had a few email exchanges, and she basically says I'm pushing her away by being clingy. I find that amusing as I've given her so much space, and this is really the first time I've tried to express how I'm feeling. I guess when it's about the other person's needs in a friendship she doesn't want to hear it.
As of now we're not really friends and I"m so hurt by this. None of my other friends find me clingy (I've asked. lol). It feels like such a rejection and I am sad to have lost a friend. I thought maybe by communicating we could work this out, but I guess not. Sorry for the long vent. I'm just very sad.
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Re: I guess it was a long time coming.
:::HUGS:::
I'm so sorry. I mean, whatever we're supposed to do and act and feel, loosing a friend sucks a lot. But you do sound like you'll be happier without the drama she causes.
my roommate from college did something simliar to me.. after my BF and i started dating we remained friends.. after my cousin died from cancer she spoke to me for about a week and I haven't heard from her since March.. I have reached out texts facebook instagram etc and i hear nothing back.. she got a job out of NY and I was so supportive and as were her friends but all of our mutual friends I speak to have even told me they havent talked to her since her move.. I moved to VA from NY with my bf for job opportunies and we keep up with all of our friends and family. we always have weekends filled with visitors I make the trips back for family affairs and it just kinda of stinks that someone who I was once so close to for 4 years completely shut me out of her life and our other friends.
I have come to realize that people are always out for themseleves.. be with the ones, friends lovers, family that shows you all the love they have.. never be with or around someone who can completely drop you from their lives and then one day think its okay to come back in..
He was not returning calls -- I called him quite a few times: for his b'day, to invite him over here, to invite him out when we were all going here or there.
And after 6 weeks, we got the message.
He disappeared off the face of the earth; we can't figure out how he pulled it off.
Anybody who does this is a little nuts --- cheez; people WORRY; anything could happen to anybody these days --- and not to mention this is childish and rude.
You outgrew her as a friend. You're better off cutting your loss -- if there is one -- and moving on. And I wouldn't leave the door open for her, so to speak. Too many cries of wolf and too many bs kiddie "I"m running away from home and youuuu can't stop meeee" games.
The friend was fine --- he simply decided to cut us out of our lives. We figured who needed him after all.
Either way, let it go. She's not that into you and that's fine. Relationships ebb and flow and this one may have run its' course. That's fine, you've got other friends and people that care about you - you're awesome and enough people value you on an anonymous message board that you surely have loads of people that value you in your real life.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk