October 2012 Weddings
chasemamabear
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
a marriage in trouble :( - long, sorry
Hey Ladies,
I've tried for so long to avoid venting like this online but I really don't have any friends I can talk to and im afraid I might just loose it if I don't reach out somewhere.
My marriage is young but already in trouble. H and I have been together for nearly 9 yrs now and we loved each other so increadably! We got engaged in 2008 and I feel like things have gone downhill since then. Every year I find out new things about him that I don't like.
H is terrible with money and has hurt us by running up a debt behind my back with frivolous spending, I've been noticing some really disgusting habits , he doesn't help AT ALL around the house, he loves our kids but is too lazy to actually do anything with them and he'd rather b on his phone then pay attention to them. He has become so selfish and like a child himself. He really doesn't respect me or appreciate anything I do. He also has a bad temper and he is moody all the time. I think he may be border line diabetic but he refuses to go get tested.
I try to talk to him but all I get in return are. One word answers and grunts. Communication is so important and he just doesn't see it!
The last thing I want is a divorce and I believe a marriage takes work. We do not have money for marriage counseling and we can't go anywhere private without my daughter bcs she is breastfed and has a choking issue and can't take a bottle.
Things right now are the worst they've ever been and I hate it. Im really beginning to resent him....if you asked me to name 3 things I love about him, I honestly don't think I could
when I look at him I do t feel love anymore, I feel hurt, this breaks my heart!
So sorry to vent. I really don't know what else to do or where to start.
Any advice and guidance would be appreciated. Thanks.
I've tried for so long to avoid venting like this online but I really don't have any friends I can talk to and im afraid I might just loose it if I don't reach out somewhere.
My marriage is young but already in trouble. H and I have been together for nearly 9 yrs now and we loved each other so increadably! We got engaged in 2008 and I feel like things have gone downhill since then. Every year I find out new things about him that I don't like.
H is terrible with money and has hurt us by running up a debt behind my back with frivolous spending, I've been noticing some really disgusting habits , he doesn't help AT ALL around the house, he loves our kids but is too lazy to actually do anything with them and he'd rather b on his phone then pay attention to them. He has become so selfish and like a child himself. He really doesn't respect me or appreciate anything I do. He also has a bad temper and he is moody all the time. I think he may be border line diabetic but he refuses to go get tested.
I try to talk to him but all I get in return are. One word answers and grunts. Communication is so important and he just doesn't see it!
The last thing I want is a divorce and I believe a marriage takes work. We do not have money for marriage counseling and we can't go anywhere private without my daughter bcs she is breastfed and has a choking issue and can't take a bottle.
Things right now are the worst they've ever been and I hate it. Im really beginning to resent him....if you asked me to name 3 things I love about him, I honestly don't think I could
when I look at him I do t feel love anymore, I feel hurt, this breaks my heart! So sorry to vent. I really don't know what else to do or where to start.
Any advice and guidance would be appreciated. Thanks.
Re: a marriage in trouble :( - long, sorry
Maybe you could do that and tell him everything and let him know that he needs to communicate more with you.
{{HUGS}} I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know that you have tried talking to him, but have you been "forceful" about him listening? Have you told him specifically that you are unhappy in the marriage? You don't have to say that you want to leave him or threaten that you will. It sounds like he needs a wake up call though.
Have you talked to anyone about this - friend or family? I know that you said that you can't go anywhere private with him because of your daughter. Maybe if you confided in someone that is willing to come over and keep you daughter occupied in another room, you could have some privacy in talking to him.
Do you go to church at all? Sometimes they have counselling there which is another option.
It just seems like he is not listening to your needs. I think that you are going to have to figure out how you are going to fix your marriage, (which it seems like you do) but you are going to have to figure out if he wants to fix things. If he does not, then you are truly going to have to re-evaluate things.
If you ever want to talk privately, you can always email me at cathyl0709 at gmail dot com. (This goes for everyone on the board.)
Communication is key. I don't see in this post that you've talked to him about this. Have you tried to discuss any of this with him? If not, I think it would be a good idea. As PP said calmly in a public place would be helpful.
Good luck and don't apologize for venting and looking for advice. We're all here for you. Keep us posted!
I know it's already been said a few times, but you need to let your husband know your feelings. Although it's rough with the baby needing to be close by, you need to do this. He may not realize that you are unhappy.
I hope you and your H can working things out. I will keep you in my thoughts.
The only person I have that I can talk to is my mother but since my dad left her a few years ago for another woman her view of men and marriage isn't exactly pleasant. She supports me and everything but its not like my husband can talk to her too. I've even tried approaching his mother and asking her how to go about talking to him to see if I could go about it differently but she just makes excuses for his behaviour.
We did have a "conversation" last night and we have come to the conclusion that he maybe depressed. I told him he needs to get help and iI will support him. I've been depressed many times and know the impact it can have on a person. The thing is, I don't believe he will get the help he needs. I feel like this will just be another thing he says he will do later and then not follow through.
I will continue to try and work on things but I don't know at what point to draw the line and say enough is enough. I truley hope we can get through this! At this point I don't even know who my husband is.
Did you do premarital counseling with someone? If so, maybe see if they will sit and counsel you now. I know our pastor would drop everything to help us if our relationship was getting rocky.