Family Matters
catmiss9
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Just furious! Need to vent! MIL issue.
I'm so angry right now. My ILs live out of state, about 6 hours away. Because of this distance, they do not get to see DS as often as they would like.
DH and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary and decided to take a long weekend trip at a later date. DH asked his parents to come out that weekend to watch DS. MIL asked if she could bring DH's niece's 5 year old along. (Please note that I was not a part of this conversation and heard about it later.) DH said no. He told MIL that she sees great niece everyday...MIL constantly watches her and has her most weekends. He told her that this was a time for his parents to have time with DS. MIL said she would let us know.
The next day, I get a birthday invitation via Facebook for great niece and MIL is hosting it.
So...I picked up the phone and called ILs after exchanging pleasantries and talking about some other things, I mentioned the party and asked if that meant they weren't coming that weekend so I could move on with making plans. I was told that they were not coming and could not miss a party.
I bit my tongue because they have missed all but 2 of DS's bdays. Again, I get that we live 6 hours away...but know your audience!
I said no problem. I'd find someone else and suggested 3 other weekends in the Fall that they could visit. That we'd love to see them.
So...on Facebook, MIL posts that she wanted to bring great niece to visit but the party caused a conflict and they're not welcome in our home???
I am furious.
I asked DH why he said no about great niece and he really thinks his parents should come and just have quality time with DS. DS is 6.
Me, I just want to be here if great niece is. I feel bad for her because her mother drops her from place to place, she has no structure or discipline or boundaries. This has resulted in her being a very mouthy, unpleasant child. Which I get is not her fault. Just we have to remind DS that is not acceptable behavior when he tries to emulate her.
But we never said ILs were not welcome.
DH called MIL and called her out. She just laughed it off. I don't see the humor.
Is DH being unreasonable? Am I being a crazed hormonal bi#ch?
DH and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary and decided to take a long weekend trip at a later date. DH asked his parents to come out that weekend to watch DS. MIL asked if she could bring DH's niece's 5 year old along. (Please note that I was not a part of this conversation and heard about it later.) DH said no. He told MIL that she sees great niece everyday...MIL constantly watches her and has her most weekends. He told her that this was a time for his parents to have time with DS. MIL said she would let us know.
The next day, I get a birthday invitation via Facebook for great niece and MIL is hosting it.
So...I picked up the phone and called ILs after exchanging pleasantries and talking about some other things, I mentioned the party and asked if that meant they weren't coming that weekend so I could move on with making plans. I was told that they were not coming and could not miss a party.
I bit my tongue because they have missed all but 2 of DS's bdays. Again, I get that we live 6 hours away...but know your audience!
I said no problem. I'd find someone else and suggested 3 other weekends in the Fall that they could visit. That we'd love to see them.
So...on Facebook, MIL posts that she wanted to bring great niece to visit but the party caused a conflict and they're not welcome in our home???
I am furious.
I asked DH why he said no about great niece and he really thinks his parents should come and just have quality time with DS. DS is 6.
Me, I just want to be here if great niece is. I feel bad for her because her mother drops her from place to place, she has no structure or discipline or boundaries. This has resulted in her being a very mouthy, unpleasant child. Which I get is not her fault. Just we have to remind DS that is not acceptable behavior when he tries to emulate her.
But we never said ILs were not welcome.
DH called MIL and called her out. She just laughed it off. I don't see the humor.
Is DH being unreasonable? Am I being a crazed hormonal bi#ch?
Re: Just furious! Need to vent! MIL issue.
Well, I can see both sides I guess. On one hand they are doing you a favor and when someone is doing you a favor, you can't really dictate it.
However, on the other had, one weekend isn't asking a lot and her little tirade on FB was stupid and childish.
My advice is to lower your expectations of them. The aren't the loving, doting grandparents you want them to be. Accept that this is who they are and work with it.
I think it's reasonable to keep an unruly child out of your house if you're not home.
MIL "ranted" on facebook a lot like you're ranting here. There are two BIG differences though. This is anonymous, facebook is not. MIL exaggerated and lied, you (presumably) did not. You've already called MIL out on lying and it sounds like you and your DH are a united front on these issues.
I don't think you're being unreasonable or hormonal. But you should realize that you can't change people, only how you react to them. MIL said no. Find another babysitter. MIL lied on facebook. Call her out on it and let her know you don't think it's funny.
If it were me I'd reply to whatever she posted saying, "Oh goodness! I think we've had a HUGE misunderstanding. DS would love to see you on (weekends you offered her) but when we discussed it on (specific date and time) you said you weren't available. Unfortunately, those are the only times we're available for a while. When things slow down for us we'll get together. I really wish you would have called me with these feelings. Hope to talk to you soon."
If MIL wants to make it a public issue by putting it on facebook, than respond publicly on facebook.
We asked DS if he would like great niece/his second cousin to come visit. He said yes. So after some deliberation, DH and is invited the 3 of them to come on either of those alternate weekends. ILs happily agreed.
DH is going to discuss ground rules with MIL...such as we are not a restaurant (we expect DS to try the food he is served at others' houses and that you can always find something you like) and will not cater, and that great niece will be expected to follow house rules DS follows.
My parents will be watching DS when we go out of town.
In some ways, I feel like I took the high road here but in other ways I feel like I gave into a tantrum.
Love this board! Thanks ladies!
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12