October 2012 Weddings
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Being a Bridesmaid after being a Bride

goatlady12goatlady12 member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
edited August 2013 in October 2012 Weddings

This weekend, I'm a bridesmaid for the first time since I got married.  Has anyone else had the honor of being a bridesmaid since their own wedding?  Has your expectations of the bride changed since your own wedding?

I talked to the bride at her bachelorette party about 3 weeks ago.  I asked her when pictures would be so I could schedule my hair appointment, or if she wanted all of us to get together beforehand for breakfast or whatever.  She said that she didn't know and would let us all know her plan when she did.  I just said ok and waited to hear back.  Finally a week before her wedding I finally gave her a call and ask about morning of.  She gave me the time and that we are meeting at the ceremony venue for pictures.  But also that she booked transportation from the ceremony to the hall (hotel) for the wedding party, and that we can't leave cars at the ceremony hall and to plan ahead. 

Then the bride went on about how her brother, a GM, didn't schedule his morning off and would be an hour late for pictures and that people from his family would be late too for the same/similiar reasons.  She was mad that they didn't automatically schedule the whole day off for her wedding.  I bit my tongue but thought, "How are people supposed to know if you don't tell them?"  I would never say something like that to a bride a week before her wedding, unless I wanted to be screamed at.

I'm sharing a hotel room with another BM, and I asked her what her plan is for her car.  To see if we could carpool and have her BF and DH drop us off.  She didn't know anything about the transporation from the ceremony, and not being able to leave a car and was annoyed about it.

I don't expect other brides to be as ridiculous and type A as I was.  I guess I do have an expectation of knowing the bride's expectation of me the day/morning of more than a week in advance though.  I couldn't book my hair girl.. :(

**Also when did updos get so flippin expensive?!  What is the average in your area?

Re: Being a Bridesmaid after being a Bride

  • It is a bit ridiculous how your friend is acting.  No one has to go out of their way to accommodate someone just because they are getting married.  Hopefully this isn't an insight to how she scheduled everything for rest of the wedding day...

    I'm a bridesmaid for a friend that is getting married next October, actually the day before our anniversary.  She loved the way our wedding came out and knows that I can plan a good event (I had a wedding and event planning company a few years back) so she is looking to me for a lot of tips and advice.  They are having a Sunday morning ceremony with a brunch reception.  I think the idea is really cute, but I hate that we are all going to have to get up super early to get hair and makeup done.  I really hope they opt for pictures after the ceremony!
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  • I am not in the wedding but DH is in a wedding in November.  He can't get anything from the groom, (his brother) about the tux rental or time schedule.  He kept asking about hotel info and got nothing until we got the STD about a month ago. 

    I guess after getting married, I have higher expectation.  I am sure I did some things that annoyed other people too.  lol

    As for the updo, I think they are about $75-90 around here.  Brides are at least $150.

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  • Neither of us have been in a wedding since ours. We've only been to one since, and it was kinda sorta a last minute thing. (They'd planned the wedding for July, split up two or three weeks before, got back together and got married in November). 

    I'd be frustrated too. The things you're talking about have nothing to do with whether or not the bride is being anal...unless I was more organized than I thought ;D If she wasn't sure about those things when you asked, she should have taken care of them since most were pretty big concerns. I let people know stuff asap. Hopefully it'll all go off without a hitch. Good luck!!

    I think up-do's are around 70 or so here as well. Bridal ones are 120-200 I think .
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  • I've been in so many weddings before my own that the bride didn't take into account transportation of the wedding like just like this. Example - we're all going in the limo from bride's house to church (hour away) , but find your own way to reception and home (I did not get +1 like everyone else, nor were my parents invited).  REALLY?!  I walked to the reception, which wasn't too bad, got a ride on the shuttle that was an hour later than the reception ended, and had to get my parents to pick me up at the hotel the next day.

    That being said, I made it priority to make sure our bridal party had transportation for the whole day.   They are my favorite people, why would i do the above to them.  I should add I was MOH in the wedding above, and am no longer friends with the bride 4 years later...

    Updos are about $60 bm, $100  bride here.

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  • mana8503 said:

    I've been in so many weddings before my own that the bride didn't take into account transportation of the wedding like just like this. Example - we're all going in the limo from bride's house to church (hour away) , but find your own way to reception and home (I did not get +1 like everyone else, nor were my parents invited).  REALLY?!  I walked to the reception, which wasn't too bad, got a ride on the shuttle that was an hour later than the reception ended, and had to get my parents to pick me up at the hotel the next day.

    That being said, I made it priority to make sure our bridal party had transportation for the whole day.   They are my favorite people, why would i do the above to them.  I should add I was MOH in the wedding above, and am no longer friends with the bride 4 years later...

    Updos are about $60 bm, $100  bride here.

    OMG I would lose it on my friend if she stranded me an hour away without warning!! I also made sure my wedding party had transportation the whole day.  I don't expect, being in a wedding that my transportation is taken care of, but I do expect a heads up if there is only partial transportation.   

    Updos around here are $65-85 and bride is usually the same, but some are starting to charge more.

  • I've actually never been in someone else's wedding...but
    I would be so annoyed if I was in a wedding and the bride didn't send out any details, arrange transportation, etc. I sent out emails to my wedding party all the time (whether they read them and actually responded was a different story). The organization has to start with the bride. As my Day of Coordinator said to me, weddings are unique in that you are both the host and the guest of honor at the same time. She was so right!

    For weddings, bridesmaid's hair is about $80 and the bride starts at $85. That didn't include makeup, that was a separate charge...$75 for the bride and $60 for bridesmaids.



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  • @seipel12 - I mean she told me, but there wasn't a good solution for me besides having my parents pick me up at midnight an hour and a half away...  The other BMs ended up on the shuttle too, since them and them and their SOs drank too much, so we took turns drinking at the tiki place until it came. 

    I didn't give the BMs transportation just talked with them on what would be best.  We didn't have a limo or anything, since our venue was ceremony and reception.  But I make sure the logistics was ironed out MONTHS before the wedding. 

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  • mana8503 said:

    I didn't give the BMs transportation just talked with them on what would be best.  We didn't have a limo or anything, since our venue was ceremony and reception.  But I make sure the logistics was ironed out MONTHS before the wedding. 

    Exactly! We didn't have limos either since the venue was both the ceremony and reception venue and the hotel was right in the same state park. However, we did use the hotel shuttle to take us to and from the venue since that was too far to comfortably walk in a wedding dress. Those details were worked out well in advance. And, if someone chose not to take the shuttle (I had 1 BM stay at a different hotel, and my 3 cousins are younger who were BMs went home with their parents), then I knew ahead of time how they were getting to where they needed to be after. Nothing was last minute.



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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
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    edited August 2013
    I've been a BM twice and h has been a gm since our wedding. I've definitely changed my perspective since lurking in the knot and getting married. A few etiquette things I've seen I let slide but with this last one, which was a last min DW, I had to voice my opinions about having a shower at home to make people feel included and inviting my grandma, whom she isn't that close to. I did find myself trying to help my friends with the things I missed out on the day of, like bridal poses and stuff. The last one, she only had her photographer for an hr (Hawaii wedding, real expensive) so I made sure I took pre wedding pics if her getting ready and of her dress hanging since she wouldn't otherwise have them, and pictures of the cake cutting etc at dinner. I was way more conscious of costs too and glad that I tried to make it as affordable for my girls.

    And yes updos are really expensive. Silly expensive.

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