Loss and religion

ILoveRedVino · August 2013

I read this blog and feel like I could have written it. Thought some others may appreciate (enjoy is the wrong word) it too.

http://www.bethmorey.com/2013/02/this-is-what-i-know-and-it-not-much.html?m=1

Also, Still Standing Magazine has a FB page. I recommend "liking" it if you are struggling with loss. Many of the posts are incredible.

thecuddleeffect · August 2013

I feel like I had this struggle, but now theres nothing left but to put all my faith, worries, fears and desires in his hands. If only I could actually listen to myself and fully give over my anxiety!

Uptowngirl2009 · August 2013

I haven't experienced a loss myself but I appreciate that you posted this. I just try to remember Romans 8:28. We may not understand it now but I believe that God is unraveling a plan for our lives that we won't truly understand until we look back on it. This song sums it up best for me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qtg9axTtNLg

brij2006 · August 2013

Thank you so much for posting this!

H and I have struggled with how to deal with our emotions about God, regarding our loss. We could've easily written this article ourselves. I was thankful that H piped up and said he needed to talk to our pastor about our loss and quit being angry with God about it. I can definitely say that we wouldn't currently be TTC if we hadn't talked to him about it.

Panderp · August 2013

I always feel like I am the odd one out in these things. I don't find comfort in religion. I often feel like we're the only ones who don't mention God in our adoption or loss posts.

ILoveRedVino · August 2013

I don't know why God hands out miracles to some people and not others. I felt betrayed and angry for a long time. I've attempted church TWICE since our loss... once, I walked out, and once stayed (because I was with family) but sobbed on H's shoulder the whole time.

I read Why Bad Things Happen to Good People and while I didn't love the book, I chose to take the message with me - that God doesn't allow things to happen, but grieves with us when they do. Like @panderp, I don't find comfort in it. I do turn there, because where else will I turn? Family and friends are sick of hearing about it.

It's a year later and I still struggle and go back and forth. I believe in God, but I don't know what I believe when it comes to this kind of stuff.

Panderp · August 2013

@ILoveRedVino - My blog helps me a great deal, sometimes more than my therapist. Because I can put all of those words out there and let people know that I am feeling sad, or wistful or anything-- and those that are available and that know what to say or have time to offer to listen are there for me in that moment. This has helped, because often people are busy in their lives and if I call, I might catch them at a time where they can't talk, and my feelings are hurt because they turned me down in a moment I needed them most (unknowingly, but it still hurts).

Listening and reading about finding a way to honor our children, connecting with others who have lost their children, seeing their tributes to the memory of their loved ones, etc have helped me a lot also-- but nothing ever referring to God has ever helped. It's not helpful for me, and most often I find it offensive. Even as I reject faith in these discussions, people usually believe I just don't understand, that I haven't explored it for myself, that there is another God based explanation. I wrote a post on my blog even, in the hopes that it would get people to realize that listening is the best comfort and crying with me is the best "i see how much he meant to you and he means something to me because he was"-- and that religion can do none of this for me.

Loss and religion

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