Work Bully

kss20 · August 2013

I hate to even complain about this because I know that EVERYONE deals with it, but I have a work bully. She is constantly trying make me feel dumb, insulting me, trying to make me uncomfortable, etc. etc. And on top of all of that she makes racist/bigoted remarks that I find extremely offensive even though they are not directed at my ethnic group/lifestyle/etc. She acts this way toward other people too, not just me, but it's incredibly unprofessional and immature. I've dealt with people like her before, but not to this extreme. It's to the point where I'm considering leaving my job because she sucks up BIG time to the higher ups so I know SHE'S never leaving and I feel like it's affecting my productivity and drive to move up within this organization.

My question is- do I go to HR? I've talked to my family about it and they think that could cause more issues for me, but I really don't WANT to have to leave. I just want her to be more respectful to me and EVERYONE! And even if I DO leave, I feel like she is a cancer to this workplace and is bringing morale down. People with attitudes like hers are really hurting our company, right now, and that needs to change.

queenofhearts1728 · August 2013

That's a hard one... i've been in the situation before where someone I didn't particularly get along with was a major-suck up, but she wasn't a bully to me, she was just lazy and worthless. BUT, I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it because management wouldn't have believed it. Do you think she has that kind of influence over the higher-ups in your company?? If she does, it might not be worth it to go to HR. I know HR will always take your side on those sorts of issues, but if management isn't willing to back you up, I don't know that it would truly make a difference.

NestCayla · August 2013

ugh that's horrible, so sorry you're having to deal with it! There are so many people that go through the same exact thing that you're having to live with right now.

You said that going to HR might make things worse... why do you think that? Is the person in HR friends with her?

kss20 · August 2013

Unfortunately, I do think she has that kind of influence. It's disgusting, really. When she's with our CFO she is a TOTALLY different person. Then she comes back in our office and makes fun of the way he dresses and his style of management. I feel like I should just start recording everything she says, but how ridiculous is it for that thought to even cross my mind??

queenofhearts1728 · August 2013

kss20 said:

Unfortunately, I do think she has that kind of influence. It's disgusting, really. When she's with our CFO she is a TOTALLY different person. Then she comes back in our office and makes fun of the way he dresses and his style of management. I feel like I should just start recording everything she says, but how ridiculous is it for that thought to even cross my mind??

I'd do it =X even if only for assurance that I could break her.

now THAT ^ made me sound like a horrible person lol

kss20 · August 2013

I think the fear from my fam is that if I say something, they'll just go to our boss and the CFO and they'll side with her because they've never seen that from her. We're a smaller company so if she found out I said something, she could definitely make my time here even worse. I have heard that people have talked to HR about her before and they never do anything about it. I think that's unfortunate. I don't want her to be fired (I wouldn't want that for anyone) but I do think she needs a reality check.

queenofhearts1728 · August 2013

Honestly, if it were me, I'd probably start looking for somewhere else to work. My experience with suck-ups ended up with me being bitter and angry and turning into a HORRIBLE employee. I resented every promotion or ounce of recognition she received because I was the one doing all the work. I even turned into a gossip.. I'd badmouth this girl any chance she got and I've NEVER been like that. It completely changed me while I was there.

I'd much rather cut my losses, if i'm unhappy, than stick it out. Plus, for every horrible job you have, i fully believe there's one equally (or perhaps more) amazing job out there.

NestCayla · August 2013

I think the fear from my fam is that if I say something, they'll just go to our boss and the CFO and they'll side with her because they've never seen that from her. We're a smaller company so if she found out I said something, she could definitely make my time here even worse. I have heard that people have talked to HR about her before and they never do anything about it. I think that's unfortunate. I don't want her to be fired (I wouldn't want that for anyone) but I do think she needs a reality check.

Isn't your time with HR supposed to be confidential?

queenofhearts1728 · August 2013

Nest Cayla said:

Isn't your time with HR supposed to be confidential?

I think management usually gets involved for disciplinary action type scenarios. I don't think HR can disclose who the complaint was from, necessarily, but I would think management would have to be involved in some capacity.

jmberube · August 2013

Ive been in a situation where management did get involved. Yes, it was because of a disciplinary action. I would say, if you reported anything she did that was misconduct in your company, they would start an investigation immediately. Chances are, she would have a private talk with her boss, and their boss to confront her about the anonymous accusations and there would be pending judgement. Im assuming this meeting alone would scare her enough to stop. Hope that helps reassure you to utlize your resources like HR. goodluck.

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

kss20 said:

I hate to even complain about this because I know that EVERYONE deals with it, but I have a work bully. She is constantly trying make me feel dumb, insulting me, trying to make me uncomfortable, etc. etc. And on top of all of that she makes racist/bigoted remarks that I find extremely offensive even though they are not directed at my ethnic group/lifestyle/etc. She acts this way toward other people too, not just me, but it's incredibly unprofessional and immature. I've dealt with people like her before, but not to this extreme. It's to the point where I'm considering leaving my job because she sucks up BIG time to the higher ups so I know SHE'S never leaving and I feel like it's affecting my productivity and drive to move up within this organization.

My question is- do I go to HR? I've talked to my family about it and they think that could cause more issues for me, but I really don't WANT to have to leave. I just want her to be more respectful to me and EVERYONE! And even if I DO leave, I feel like she is a cancer to this workplace and is bringing morale down. People with attitudes like hers are really hurting our company, right now, and that needs to change.

This is a tough one. Going to HR is certainly an option, but I'm not sure I would do that at this point. I would try to talk to my direct bosses about the situation first. (Maybe you have and they haven't been responsive.) If that didn't work, then I would go to HR. That's a tough situation. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

Sillygirl45 · August 2013

I think the fear from my fam is that if I say something, they'll just go to our boss and the CFO and they'll side with her because they've never seen that from her. We're a smaller company so if she found out I said something, she could definitely make my time here even worse. I have heard that people have talked to HR about her before and they never do anything about it. I think that's unfortunate. I don't want her to be fired (I wouldn't want that for anyone) but I do think she needs a reality check.

Isn't your time with HR supposed to be confidential?

I don't know about other work places, but I can tell you our HR is far from confidential. It may be wrong, but it is how it is. If I were you I would start looking for a new job. I don't know if I would even tell them why you're leaving once you do quit if she has this much pull. I've never seen it do any good in all the places and all the years I've been working. I once quit a job because I felt the patients were not being properly cared for and there were some real violations going on. When I quit I told them exactly why. Another location contacted me a couple of years later to recruit me and they cancelled the interview stating my old file stated I had quit because I couldn't handle my previous job and it was "too hard". That was not even close to what happened and I have no recourse. I learned a lesson to be very careful about who I am honest with. Good luck!

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

Sillygirl45 said:

Nest Cayla said:

kss20 said:
I think the fear from my fam is that if I say something, they'll just go to our boss and the CFO and they'll side with her because they've never seen that from her. We're a smaller company so if she found out I said something, she could definitely make my time here even worse. I have heard that people have talked to HR about her before and they never do anything about it. I think that's unfortunate. I don't want her to be fired (I wouldn't want that for anyone) but I do think she needs a reality check.

Isn't your time with HR supposed to be confidential?

I don't know about other work places, but I can tell you our HR is far from confidential. It may be wrong, but it is how it is. If I were you I would start looking for a new job. I don't know if I would even tell them why you're leaving once you do quit if she has this much pull. I've never seen it do any good in all the places and all the years I've been working. I once quit a job because I felt the patients were not being properly cared for and there were some real violations going on. When I quit I told them exactly why. Another location contacted me a couple of years later to recruit me and they cancelled the interview stating my old file stated I had quit because I couldn't handle my previous job and it was "too hard". That was not even close to what happened and I have no recourse. I learned a lesson to be very careful about who I am honest with. Good luck!

That makes me angry FOR you. Sorry you dealt with that ish for standing up for patients. I totally agree with you though. I have never trusted any employer HR for fear of this exact thing.

NestCayla · August 2013

queenofhearts1728 said:

Nest Cayla said:

Isn't your time with HR supposed to be confidential?

I think management usually gets involved for disciplinary action type scenarios. I don't think HR can disclose who the complaint was from, necessarily, but I would think management would have to be involved in some capacity.

That's horrible. At least, I would have thought that it would be confidential if you requested it to be that way!

queenofhearts1728 · August 2013

Nest Cayla said:

queenofhearts1728 said:

Nest Cayla said:

Isn't your time with HR supposed to be confidential?

I think management usually gets involved for disciplinary action type scenarios. I don't think HR can disclose who the complaint was from, necessarily, but I would think management would have to be involved in some capacity.

That's horrible. At least, I would have thought that it would be confidential if you requested it to be that way!

It might be confidential in really good companies... but knowing that her work environment is a little twisted, I would just assume their HR department isn't as up to par as we think it should be

kss20 · August 2013

I'm thinking that's a safe assumption (HR not being up to par). For now I'm just going to suck it up and try to live out a little more time here until I can move jobs at the start of the new year. Thanks for all the advice and support! ^:)^

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