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Is my Boyfriend gay?
Been dating for a year…engaged. We are both very shy/reserved. He is OCD…he house is always neat and orderly, nothing out of place. He has many routines and he never deviates. He works in finance so he is very detailed. The reasons I believe he could be gay:
It takes him over an hour to get ready in the morning and about 30-45 minutes at night. He showers at night. He has specific creams/face washes …pro active, tretonin…stuff for acne (although he doesn’t have acne). Brushes/flosses/mouth wash every morning and night. He always gets upset with his hair if one little strand is out of place. He had braces a few years ago and still wears his retainer every night. I’ve seen him pluck his eyebrows before (although he tries to hide it). He shaved his legs (not all the way, more trimmed) in March for “biking” season. In all fairness…his whole family has extremely bushy uni-brows. He is not flamboyant in anyway. He likes nice/high end things. He dresses “basic”…same t-shirts/shorts from jcrew. Owns 2 pair of shoes only! He is very plain jane in clothing and food…only eats strawberry/vanilla ice cream. The other thing is our sex life. I feel its kind of awkward…but I feel it could be me. He likes sports…watching..we have season tickets to our college football team. He isnt emotional... no crier. He won’t watch Dancing with the stars or cougar town with me…he gets bored from them! He is not “manly” in my opinion though. He is VERY shy…although he always initiates. We do it 1-2 per week. I’ve never noticed anything on his computer…just started checking. He deletes is Ipad history frequently…but he does have a playboy account and over the past 8 months (the history only goes that far) he has visited the site fairly frequently. Please help…do my mans grooming habits and our awkward sex life mean he’s gay. I’m divorced (married too young) and don’t want to get divorced again I’m scared.
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Re: Is my boyfriend gay or shy?!
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Mellbell22
10:10AM
Also ... I think it has been a long time since he's been in a relationship. Although he's been on eharmony off and on since 2010. We met online. He did tell me he was engaged once but she left him. We don't really talk about past relationships.
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It takes him over an hour to get ready in the morning and about 30-45 minutes at night. He showers at night. He has specific creams/face washes …pro active, tretonin…stuff for acne (although he doesn’t have acne). Brushes/flosses/mouth wash every morning and night. He always gets upset with his hair if one little strand is out of place. He had braces a few years ago and still wears his retainer every night. I’ve seen him pluck his eyebrows before (although he tries to hide it). He shaved his legs (not all the way, more trimmed) in March for “biking” season. In all fairness…his whole family has extremely bushy uni-brows. He is not flamboyant in anyway. He likes nice/high end things. He dresses “basic”…same t-shirts/shorts from jcrew. Owns 2 pair of shoes only! He is very plain jane in clothing and food…only eats strawberry/vanilla ice cream. The other thing is our sex life. I feel its kind of awkward…but I feel it could be me. He likes sports…watching..we have season tickets to our college football team. He isnt emotional... no crier. He won’t watch Dancing with the stars or cougar town with me…he gets bored from them! He is not “manly” in my opinion though. He is VERY shy…although he always initiates. We do it 1-2 per week. I’ve never noticed anything on his computer…just started checking. He deletes is Ipad history frequently…but he does have a playboy account and over the past 8 months (the history only goes that far) he has visited the site fairly frequently. Please help…do my mans grooming habits and our awkward sex life mean he’s gay. I’m divorced (married too young) and don’t want to get divorced again I’m scared.
Flag Quote · Love it Reply
Re: Is my boyfriend gay or shy?!
Options
Mellbell22
10:10AM
Also ... I think it has been a long time since he's been in a relationship. Although he's been on eharmony off and on since 2010. We met online. He did tell me he was engaged once but she left him. We don't really talk about past relationships.
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Re: Is my Boyfriend gay?
That a guy is meticulous about his appearance and skin doesn't mean he is gay -- and the leg shaving is a biker thing. THey say it is for aerodynamics.
What I would do if I were you:
Put the wedding on hold --- you need to ask him why his engagement broke up (that's a must and that's no ifs ands or buts in his end; he needs to be honest why that was over -- it may have a bearing on YOU and your future) and you also need to ask him if he is gay or bi.
I would ask him flat out.
If you are having doubts of any kind at all, don't marry this guy until you get a solution that is 100% satisfactory to you. Wedding on hold until you get answers. Wishing you luck.
Don't marry a guy if you are not 100% happy and satisfied with him and don't marry a guy is you are not 100% free of problems with him, either unresolved, pending or "maybe".
Communication is key here.
As it is in every relationship.
You need to ask him why the engagement ended (and maybe I am a bugger for suggesting it but perhaps it would be prudent to talk to her if you can find her and get her side of the story -- I don't know what the chances are of that.) Who knows why it ended? Maybe he wasn't ready, or she was not, or any one of a thousand things.
Whatever it is, you need to get the reason why it was over and he needs to be honest.
If he balks at revealing the reason and he isn't immediately forthcoming with it, rethink him based on that. There should be NO secrets in a relationship -- whether it is one with your FI, your friends, your family or anybody you are close with and have a relationship with.
As I said, I'd ask him no holds barred if he is gay or bi.
And trust your gut --- it never fails.
It might also help for you to talk to a therapist and perhaps a sex therapist. See what kind of advice you can get from them.
If you are not sexually compatible with him and your sex life hasn't spiced up, despite the fact that you suggested this or that or got manuals and did your personal best, maybe it is time to move on. Sex isn't everything in a relationship but it is IMPORTANT. If you have no common intimacy, what good is this to you?
Marriages fail for many reasons other than just cheating!
Have a look at these boards and others --- marriages fail because of abuse, drug use, addictions, one or both partners checking out, there are huge differences in the way each do things --- a family/couple crisis can do it too -- and other reasons are many: Guys who cannot unfailingly stand up for their wives, spouses with spending problems, cultural differences.
I've only named a few.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
We had somebody here awhile ago whose husband was a peeping tom. YOu bet that marriage was over in a hurry when she found out what his game was.
There was somebody else here whose marriage ended because of horrible cultural problems --- and the famiy did not like her. She knew all of this before she married the guy -- the marriage lasted about a year and a half before she finally called it quits.
When your relationship got serious, that is when he needed to say why he and the other FI broke up.
It's not like he went out with her a few times, or for a few weeks: this was an impending marriage and for an engagement to end, something serious had to happen.
And if you cannot talk to your SO, it's bad news. Rethink him if he won't be forthcoming about why that engagement is over.
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