Duties around the house

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

Hi ladies,
Thought I would put a question out there to get the conversation going this morning. How do you and your husband divide up the work around the house? In our case we both work, so we knew we both would be taking on some of the responsibilities. We both clean, but I tend to more of that. However Dh tends to do the lion's share of the cooking. He is a great cook.

I am also the one primarily dealing with our finances/bill paying at the moment. What about you guys?

MrsS728 · August 2013

Right now (Summer) I do most of the work because I'm a teacher and I'm home during the day. Once I go back to school in a week from Tuesday (Shoot me now!!) it will be more evenly divided with the exception of when my husband is away on business.

smbenevides1989 · August 2013

I do most of the house work/cleaning/cooking/laundry while my H takes care of the trash and washing the dog. I'm a complete OCD neat freak, so everything has to be done in a certain way, hence the reason I do it. He does wash laundry, but when he does he over stuffs it (like he did this week), but he will do dishes, wash the bathroom, and vacuum if I ask him to.

Food wise, I make the meals, because he doesn't cook many things. But he will make himself something to eat if I won't be home in time to cook.

vpine · August 2013

I do the bills (online mostly), cooking, cleaning, laundry. He does the yard work (including maintaining my garden) and car washing.

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

smbenevides1989 said:

I do most of the house work/cleaning/cooking/laundry while my H takes care of the trash and washing the dog. I'm a complete OCD neat freak, so everything has to be done in a certain way, hence the reason I do it. He does wash laundry, but when he does he over stuffs it (like he did this week), but he will do dishes, wash the bathroom, and vacuum if I ask him to.

Food wise, I make the meals, because he doesn't cook many things. But he will make himself something to eat if I won't be home in time to cook.

This is me too! I feel so bad that my DH has to put up with it sometimes. I seriously found myself getting annoyed the other day at water spots left behind on the counter when he washed up. He has his habits too, though, and so we just laugh and try to compromise.

quiltedinky · August 2013

I take care of everything every day except for 4 days a month when DH is home. When he's home he'll do his own laundry, cooks a bit and will clean up after himself. I handle the money all the time. We do discuss what the budget is and where money needs to go though.

amandamarie2 · August 2013

We never sat down and divided things up but it just seems to work out that DH takes care of the garbage every week and I clean the bathroom. Everything else depends on who has more time to do it that particular day.

anssett · August 2013

We've had a few rounds of trying different arrangements. After 1.5 years of living together we've got a good rhythm now. We both work full time.

I do money. He does 90% of the cooking. We both clean the dishes/kitchen. We both shop for food as needed. I do more clutter management because it bothers me more. We both handle laundry as needed. I do more trash/recycling detail, but not all. He waters the plants (or they'd die). Mostly chores get done by whoever sees that it needs to be done.

I like a house that's cleaner and with less clutter than him. At first I put a lot of expectations on him, and made lists but without his buy-in it wasn't working. Unless you both agree to it it doesn't work. IF you both agree, it doesn't matter what the arrangement is, it can work.

Sillygirl45 · August 2013

I do most things because he works 50 hours a week and I like things done my way. He cooks in the summer on the grill. Love summer!

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

anssett said:
We've had a few rounds of trying different arrangements. After 1.5 years of living together we've got a good rhythm now. We both work full time.

I do money. He does 90% of the cooking. We both clean the dishes/kitchen. We both shop for food as needed. I do more clutter management because it bothers me more. We both handle laundry as needed. I do more trash/recycling detail, but not all. He waters the plants (or they'd die). Mostly chores get done by whoever sees that it needs to be done.

I like a house that's cleaner and with less clutter than him. At first I put a lot of expectations on him, and made lists but without his buy-in it wasn't working. Unless you both agree to it it doesn't work. IF you both agree, it doesn't matter what the arrangement is, it can work.

Amen! It has to be something both agree with. I was guilty of trying to just assign him tasks too. I am really trying to work on this.

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

Sillygirl45 said:
I do most things because he works 50 hours a week and I like things done my way. He cooks in the summer on the grill. Love summer!

I love summer bbq's too!

moonprincessd · August 2013

My husband does garbage and cat litter. If I don't want to cook, he takes a frozen pizza and sticks it in the oven. He will occasionally do things if I ask him like sweep the floor or wash the dishes, but other than that he's not much help... we have a house now, so he's going to get all the yard work...

He has a full time job and I have a part time job. Before I didn't work, so I didn't mind so much, now that I work, it does bother me that he doesn't seem to care how clean the house is.... but that's men for you! If I want a clean bathroom, I have to clean it. I don't know how he can live in such a pig sty...

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

moonprincessd said:
My husband does garbage and cat litter. If I don't want to cook, he takes a frozen pizza and sticks it in the oven. He will occasionally do things if I ask him like sweep the floor or wash the dishes, but other than that he's not much help... we have a house now, so he's going to get all the yard work...

He has a full time job and I have a part time job. Before I didn't work, so I didn't mind so much, now that I work, it does bother me that he doesn't seem to care how clean the house is.... but that's men for you! If I want a clean bathroom, I have to clean it. I don't know how he can live in such a pig sty...

That is tough. Hopefully he will pick up on the fact that he needs to pitch in a bit more now that you are working. Just be honest about it with him, and set new expectations now that the situation has changed. I would hope he would be respectful about that. Congrats on the new job. What do you do?

Leftie22 · August 2013

I do most of the cleaning: vacuuming, mopping, bathrooms, laundry, because I'm at home with our son. I also do money because DH is hopeless with paying things on time. I do about 80% of cooking, also because i can start meals earlier, because I'm home. He does half of the grocery shopping, and all the car maintenance stuff. And he does a lot of fix-up stuff around the house. I'd love it if he cleaned more (and left less mess lying around), but I've accepted that it's not going to happen. I just make sure he does other stuff that I can't do.

moonprincessd · August 2013

SaphireCounselor said:

My husband does garbage and cat litter. If I don't want to cook, he takes a frozen pizza and sticks it in the oven. He will occasionally do things if I ask him like sweep the floor or wash the dishes, but other than that he's not much help... we have a house now, so he's going to get all the yard work...

He has a full time job and I have a part time job. Before I didn't work, so I didn't mind so much, now that I work, it does bother me that he doesn't seem to care how clean the house is.... but that's men for you! If I want a clean bathroom, I have to clean it. I don't know how he can live in such a pig sty...
That is tough. Hopefully he will pick up on the fact that he needs to pitch in a bit more now that you are working. Just be honest about it with him, and set new expectations now that the situation has changed. I would hope he would be respectful about that. Congrats on the new job. What do you do?

He's one of those where you have to ask him to do it, but I hate that because if I ask him and he doesn't want to because he's tired or something, then what's the point? Ask him tomorrow? the next day? Then I'm just nagging, which I already do when the garbage is full. He does it on his own terms, just not when I want him too... We're working on coming up with something, maybe a cleaning schedule and circle things he has to do by the end of the week. And switch it up so we're not doing the same chores all the time.

I just work in retail. It's basically just extra money for saving up to travel or buying gifts.

chrisnjay05212010 · August 2013

i do just about everything-bills, laundry,cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, taking care of the cat and dog, etc. Im also a bit of a neat freak and like things tidy and cleaned up. Plus my husband works a ton of hours and strange hours, I work a regular 9-5 M-F so I really dont mind doing it all. He takes care of the yard, cars, fix it stuff, and snow removal in the winter. If i ask him to help with something he would do it.

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

moonprincessd said:

SaphireCounselor said:

moonprincessd said:
My husband does garbage and cat litter. If I don't want to cook, he takes a frozen pizza and sticks it in the oven. He will occasionally do things if I ask him like sweep the floor or wash the dishes, but other than that he's not much help... we have a house now, so he's going to get all the yard work...

He has a full time job and I have a part time job. Before I didn't work, so I didn't mind so much, now that I work, it does bother me that he doesn't seem to care how clean the house is.... but that's men for you! If I want a clean bathroom, I have to clean it. I don't know how he can live in such a pig sty...
That is tough. Hopefully he will pick up on the fact that he needs to pitch in a bit more now that you are working. Just be honest about it with him, and set new expectations now that the situation has changed. I would hope he would be respectful about that. Congrats on the new job. What do you do?

He's one of those where you have to ask him to do it, but I hate that because if I ask him and he doesn't want to because he's tired or something, then what's the point? Ask him tomorrow? the next day? Then I'm just nagging, which I already do when the garbage is full. He does it on his own terms, just not when I want him too... We're working on coming up with something, maybe a cleaning schedule and circle things he has to do by the end of the week. And switch it up so we're not doing the same chores all the time.

I just work in retail. It's basically just extra money for saving up to travel or buying gifts.

That seems like a good compromise! Actually that is similar to what dh and I have worked out too. Lol the last time I felt like I really nagged him I just said he could have control of the tv all night and watch football. All was forgiven quickly.

Rainzzzy · August 2013

Has anyone ever hired a cleaning person? I do most of the housework as my husband doesn't mind messy and I do. It would be about 60-75 dollars every other week in my area. I would hire someone in a heartbeat if I could trust them alone in my home, if we could be less cluttered so the cleaning lady could get things cleaned, and if I didn't cringe thinking of the other things I could do with 120-150 dollars a month! We can afford it, but there are so many other uses for that amount of money. It would certainly save me getting annoyed at him for not helping more. I just don't know many people that have a cleaning lady and I am a bit embarrassed that as a couple without kids we can't run a tidier household. We do have demanding jobs and work well over 40 hrs a week each, but still I feel like we should be able to handle housework on our own more effectively than we do.

Sillygirl45 · August 2013

Rainzzzy said:

Has anyone ever hired a cleaning person? I do most of the housework as my husband doesn't mind messy and I do. It would be about 60-75 dollars every other week in my area. I would hire someone in a heartbeat if I could trust them alone in my home, if we could be less cluttered so the cleaning lady could get things cleaned, and if I didn't cringe thinking of the other things I could do with 120-150 dollars a month! We can afford it, but there are so many other uses for that amount of money. It would certainly save me getting annoyed at him for not helping more. I just don't know many people that have a cleaning lady and I am a bit embarrassed that as a couple without kids we can't run a tidier household. We do have demanding jobs and work well over 40 hrs a week each, but still I feel like we should be able to handle housework on our own more effectively than we do.

If you're both working over 40 hours I would suggest breaking duties into pieces. Clean bathrooms one day after work, kitchen another, laundry can be done a load a day, vacuum every other day (I really like vacuuming). Anyhow, you have every right to hire a cleaning crew. It's your money, your business what you do with it. I like cleaning my house because I am very picky and don't think anyone else is going to do a good enough job. I would try a cleaning service and see how it goes. You can always go back to doing it yourself. Good luck! (I really love my dyson...)

anssett · August 2013

Rainzzzy said:
Has anyone ever hired a cleaning person? I do most of the housework as my husband doesn't mind messy and I do. It would be about 60-75 dollars every other week in my area. I would hire someone in a heartbeat if I could trust them alone in my home, if we could be less cluttered so the cleaning lady could get things cleaned, and if I didn't cringe thinking of the other things I could do with 120-150 dollars a month! We can afford it, but there are so many other uses for that amount of money. It would certainly save me getting annoyed at him for not helping more. I just don't know many people that have a cleaning lady and I am a bit embarrassed that as a couple without kids we can't run a tidier household. We do have demanding jobs and work well over 40 hrs a week each, but still I feel like we should be able to handle housework on our own more effectively than we do.

Is the removal of your stress and tension with your husband worth more than the cost for a cleaning person? Probably. Don't worry about other people's opinions. If that's right for you, do it. I decided to when I got a huge promotion. More work, less quality time together. Now we pay someone the 150. Use a professional service or get references. You can do it safely.

moonprincessd · August 2013

Rainzzzy said:

Has anyone ever hired a cleaning person? I do most of the housework as my husband doesn't mind messy and I do. It would be about 60-75 dollars every other week in my area. I would hire someone in a heartbeat if I could trust them alone in my home, if we could be less cluttered so the cleaning lady could get things cleaned, and if I didn't cringe thinking of the other things I could do with 120-150 dollars a month! We can afford it, but there are so many other uses for that amount of money. It would certainly save me getting annoyed at him for not helping more. I just don't know many people that have a cleaning lady and I am a bit embarrassed that as a couple without kids we can't run a tidier household. We do have demanding jobs and work well over 40 hrs a week each, but still I feel like we should be able to handle housework on our own more effectively than we do.

I never personally have, but I knew someone who did. I had a friend whose parents hired a cleaning lady and she cleaned once a week.

If you want to save money, I would suggest just hiring someone once a month and maybe do some light cleaning yourself. (wipe down using paper towels, get a duster and dust, etc...) and have her/him do the deep cleaning (scrubbing, mopping, etc...)

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

Rainzzzy said:

Has anyone ever hired a cleaning person? I do most of the housework as my husband doesn't mind messy and I do. It would be about 60-75 dollars every other week in my area. I would hire someone in a heartbeat if I could trust them alone in my home, if we could be less cluttered so the cleaning lady could get things cleaned, and if I didn't cringe thinking of the other things I could do with 120-150 dollars a month! We can afford it, but there are so many other uses for that amount of money. It would certainly save me getting annoyed at him for not helping more. I just don't know many people that have a cleaning lady and I am a bit embarrassed that as a couple without kids we can't run a tidier household. We do have demanding jobs and work well over 40 hrs a week each, but still I feel like we should be able to handle housework on our own more effectively than we do.

Our household is just my dh and I, and I can tell you without a doubt that if I had the money I would hire a house cleaner in a heartbeat. I'd much rather not have to deal with housework and just pay someone else to do it. I also work a full time job and commute two hours to my office everyday though, so it feels like a lot right now even with dh's help.

That said, pp have given you good solutions to consider if you can't afford/don't want to hire someone. The real issue is just to negotiate a system of responsibility that you both are okay with, that means that you aren't stuck doing everything.

erollis · August 2013

I used to do it all. Bills, cleaning (litter, dishes, etc), shopping and cooking no matter if I was SAHW, working, going to school or work & school. H started helping out by us doing things together. I got sick and we hired a maid service because H tried his best but was horrible at doing it all himself. I started to feel better and we do the chores together now 90% of the time. I've talked with H about hiring a maid service to do an occasional deep clean because no matter how good I feel now it's still to much work (with me working). The only thing I do still that H is not involved in is the bills.We're happy with this arrangement.

srgw · September 2013

H:
takes out the garbage & recycling
vacuums

I:
do the laundry
most car stuff (oil changes etc)

We together/take turns:
clean the bathroom
pick up around the apt
grocery shopping
cooking

Brickette2013 · September 2013

Well, up until the day we got married we both were military and obviously working full time. DH did the bills and lawn care while I did the majority of the household chores (laundry, cooking, cleaning) now DH does the bills and outside chores and some of the cleaning while going to school and working. I do the rest. It works pretty well for us.

Brickette2013 · September 2013

Was it easy hiring a maid service? I've thought about it before (for an occasional deep clean) but DH doesn't want someone we don't know in the house with us not there. Our schedules don't really work for us being here while someone is unless they would come on a weekend.

erollis said:

I used to do it all. Bills, cleaning (litter, dishes, etc), shopping and cooking no matter if I was SAHW, working, going to school or work & school. H started helping out by us doing things together. I got sick and we hired a maid service because H tried his best but was horrible at doing it all himself. I started to feel better and we do the chores together now 90% of the time. I've talked with H about hiring a maid service to do an occasional deep clean because no matter how good I feel now it's still to much work (with me working). The only thing I do still that H is not involved in is the bills.We're happy with this arrangement.

erollis · September 2013

Brickette2013 said:
Was it easy hiring a maid service? I've thought about it before (for an occasional deep clean) but DH doesn't want someone we don't know in the house with us not there. Our schedules don't really work for us being here while someone is unless they would come on a weekend.

erollis said:

I used to do it all. Bills, cleaning (litter, dishes, etc), shopping and cooking no matter if I was SAHW, working, going to school or work & school. H started helping out by us doing things together. I got sick and we hired a maid service because H tried his best but was horrible at doing it all himself. I started to feel better and we do the chores together now 90% of the time. I've talked with H about hiring a maid service to do an occasional deep clean because no matter how good I feel now it's still to much work (with me working). The only thing I do still that H is not involved in is the bills.We're happy with this arrangement.

It was easy since I went with a chain maid service, Molly Maids. They did well but they stole one of my hardcover books. Also wrecked a fog less mirror in the bathroom. They did reimburse me for the mirror. And the rep said it was recommended no one be home so I complied. I personally wouldn't go with them again but try another maid.

My Aunt has a two maid team who do the best job I've ever seen. They don't care if you are or arent home. I've been over a few times while they were working. Sadly they don't service the area I live. I would love to have them clean my place.

My advice is find someone you feel you can trust. And most importantly has fantastic recommendations.

Jaje09182010 · September 2013

I do the majority of shopping and cooking and cleaning as well as paying all the bills although I work full-time also- I work from a home office so my husband expects me to pick up the slack there. he helps out when i ask or assign specific tasks and since I'm now 7 months pregnant I ask a lot more! We also have a cleaning lady come every other week for the deep cleaning.

ybear7 · September 2013

I work full-time and my husband is in grad school. He almost always takes out the trash and does the litter box. I do the cooking, he helps out sometimes. We unofficially take turns doing the dishes. We both do the cleaning together, but I do the day to day organizing. I do the laundry.

DaBearsBride · September 2013

I am very OCD and he is all Let It Be so to compromise we made a chore draft chart where we wrote down all the chores then put them in three categories based on difficulty. We 'draft' the chores each month to keep it fair.

Duties around the house

Re: Duties around the house

Choose Another Board

Search Boards