wife to be

rikimarie123 · August 2013

So I am enlisted in the navy and have met this amazing man, we have only been dating for about a month and a half now and are already talking about marriage. Iam completely in love with this man and ccouldn't imagine my life without him. But is it too soon? Should I wait to see where we go first?

SapphireCounselor · August 2013

The beginning of a new relationship is always so exciting! But, that's where you are...the beginning of a new relationship. While every couple has their own time table, I can tell you that most people aren't ready to commit their lives to each other after a month, even a great month. This is especially true considering that you (and possibly your SO too) are in the beginning stages of your military careers. I say that because being in the military adds some tough dynamics to relationships that test even the strongest couples. All said, I would slow down and just enjoy the relationship if I were you. Just enjoy learning about your new SO and cherish this special time in the relationship without adding additional pressure.

moonprincessd · August 2013

Marriage is a huge commitment. I would wait at least a year. My husband and I knew but we waited because we didn't want to rush things and he proposed on our one year anniversary. Even then we waited another 2 years before getting married because I wanted to finish school first and it just so happened our 3 year anniversary fell on a Saturday

that year.

We probably could have got married sooner but didn't and I don't regret it. We were living together and nothing changed afterwards. I sometimes can't believe we got married and have to watch the videos to remember, lol!

So to sum up, I would wait. Give your relationship time to grow and to learn more about one another.

spikeinc · August 2013

Take your time to get to know each other. As pp said, you do not need extra pressure which is exactly what getting married too soon will give you. Though you may work out through time, there is always the chance that you might learn something about him that you don't like too.

My BIL married his new girlfriend after two months of dating. Within weeks, she was over at my house complaining about his behavior and what she didn't like. They spent the next 6 months constantly fighting because now that they were married, their dislikes about each other were magnified by the thought of living with these behaviors for the rest of their lives. They broke up and separated at least 9 times in a 6 month period until they "accidentally" got pregnant by not using any birth control. We only hope that this works out for them.

My point of telling the above story is that they were both so ecstatically happy in the first two months of their relationship and felt the same way you both do right now. It wasn't until month three that she started to notice certain behaviors that she did not like.

Give yourself the respect and time to get to know him better and vice versa. If it is meant to be, it will happen and you will be so much more secure and happier that you waited knowing all about him. Wait until two years at least to get engaged and at least one year after that to get married.

SmrBrd2012 · August 2013

What's the rush? Take your time.

Sillygirl45 · August 2013

There is no rush. You need to know a whole lot more about a person that what you can learn in two months before you commit the rest of your life to them. I think you know that.

Enjoy the fun of dating and being in love, but keep your eyes open.

Once you're engaged and involved in the excitement of planning a wedding and "forever" you may find yourself overlooking things you shouldn't.

So, slow down and wait to put that added pressure on your relationship until you know much more about each other.

GilliC · August 2013

rikimarie123 said:

So I am enlisted in the navy and have met this amazing man, we have only been dating for about a month and a half now and are already talking about marriage. Iam completely in love with this man and ccouldn't imagine my life without him. But is it too soon? Should I wait to see where we go first?

I think it's healthy to discuss marriage that early. If you do end up getting married, it's good to know that you have good communication and can talk openly about some of the tough/serious issues without getting scared that you might make each other uncomfortable.

I'm all for talking about getting married. If you were married, where would you live (what city, what kind of house, etc)? Would you have kids? How many? How would you arrange your finances? Would you travel? How would you divide the housework? How much time would you spend together? What kinds of things would you do together? IMO it's much better to talk about these things up front and ask yourself honestly if you can deal with the differences, rather than being blind-sided later and hoping you can sort it out in marital counseling.

PS...

I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and assume your question, "is it too soon" was "Is it too soon to discuss marriage?" rather than "Is it too soon to get married?" Because hell yeah it's too soon to get married! Why do you want to get married? What would it change? What would be different if you waited a while longer?

TarponMonoxide · August 2013

S L O W D O W N ! ! ! ! !

That's my suggestion.

Give it a good year!

At one month this is still infatuation and horniness.

You don't even know if he'll be in the picture tomorrow, next week or next month, at this rate --- you only know him a month!

kss20 · August 2013

I would wait and I would always recommend you wait, but only YOU know where you are at in your relationship and how you feel. No one can tell you when the right time for this is.

short+sassy · September 2013

I've often heard the "at least wait to see the person through all seasons", i.e. one year. I think that is a good rule of thumb. Generally speaking, there is no harm in waiting. So why not make sure there are no nasty surprises? I know I've certainly had relationships that start off so amazing and starry...only to wonder what alien took over that awesome guy three months later.

My good friend met for the first time, got engaged, and then married a guy all within six months. Oh yeah, and was laid off six weeks after they met. I really tried to talk her out of the wedding from a logical standpoint...it's too soon, wait until he is working so he can help pay, etc. But none of it mattered and she proceeded into 2-3 years of hell before she finally divorced him. Not a doubt in my mind that if she had just waited longer to get the stars out of her eyes a bit, she would never have dated him for even a year much less get married.

Oh! And if you can't name one personality trait, habit, or belief that you dislike and/or disagree with and he can't do the same about you...then you all don't know each other well enough to be talking about marriage. Know what I mean, lol?

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2013

Definitely too early. What's the rush OP? Take some time to really get to know one another.

Kimbus22 · September 2013

I told my best friend I was going to marry H the day I met him. I still waited 4 years to actually do it though. I don't regret that for a minute. You need to know one another better. You need to learn how to argue with one another, how to work together, what your timelines and goals are and if they mesh. You don't have to rush it.

Leftie22 · September 2013

Meet his family, talk about some tough subjects like religion, kids, money management, and we e how you feel! I also feel like going on a trip together and going through a home improvement project together are also essential to see how you really feel! I knew I liked my DH a lot after we renovated my garage together. Because it was no fun, but we still didn't break up. Same for vacations. Do you like him after you miss your plane, are hungry and crabby and can't find a hotel? Yes? Okay. Good stuff.

wife to be

Re: wife to be

Choose Another Board

Search Boards