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My husband is a SLOB!
My husband and I ended up living apart for about a year because he got a temporary job in another city and I couldn't find a job so we decided I would keep mine where we live. We would visit from time to time while we were apart and our original place was always neat and clean, but I started to notice that his apartment was getting more and more messy. He wouldn't clean and I would find food on plates in his living room, clothes all over ect. So I started to tell him that I'm not going to drive up to his place util he cleans it up. This worked, but now he is home, and he is a slob! An example is that he used all the toilet paper on the roll and instead of throwing it away in the garbage can NEXT to the toilet, he left the empty roll on the floor, on the opposite side of the garbage. And another thing that has been driving me crazy about the bathroom (and it's stupid I know), is that he will take the garbage can, which is like a kitchen garbage with a lid because of our dogs, and he will pull it up to the toilet so that he can set his lap top on it while he uses the toilet, then he won't put it back... Our closets are in 2 different rooms, so I sort our clean laundry in to 2 differnt laundry baskets and his clothes sit in the laundry basket until next laundry day. The other day I was cleaning up in the bedroom and I noticed a plate in there with stuck on food. I was just dumbfounded to see it there. I honestly feel that he is depressed because he lost his full time job and now is working a part time job. But I can't take his messiness anymore! I'm don't want to leave, I love him, but I just don't know how to get him to understand that he needs to pick up after himself. I mean I had to put a rule down "No food in the bedroom", he is 33 years old! I have tried to talk to him and say, I really need you to help me clean up the house, and he gets offended when I ask him to do something. I'm to the point now that when I see something that he has messed up I get angry, and I yell at him. I'm working on trying to remain calm with him, but I feel like he wants me to be his mother, out of anger I told him "the next time I get married, I'm going to get a wife"-of course this caused a big fight. But I just don't feel like he is pulling his weight. If I start to clean, he will start too, but I shouldn't have to start to clean to get him to realize that something needs to be done! I don't know what to do, have any of you gone through something like this? How do you get your husband to help out more?
Re: My husband is a SLOB!
And that his mother and father never let their little slobby prince lift a slobby finger. They did it all for him and hence YOUR problem:
You married an entitled little slobby prince who wants you to be the Queen Mother 2.0.
Let this slob walk in his squalor, sleep in his squalor and let him look at, and live in and put up with his own shit; his clothes, his laundry and whatever else he dirties up and abandons wherever he desires.
That's right:
Do NOTHING for him.
Leave his filthy everything where it is. If HE wants it clean, HE will take care of it.
THis is why we had chores when we were pre teens and then teens! We picked up after ourselves and did what we had to do --- this is whee parents are blowing it all to hell: NOBODY has the kids take care of things around the house and in their room -- and this is why so many women wind up marrying overgrown middleschoolers...
And that is what your H is.
Leave his mess and let him take care of it. Let him get the message. GL.
I have talked to him about it, and he knows I don't like it. He will even say to me "I'm too tired to get up, I'll do this late" to which I say "if you do it now, you won't have to get up and do it later" or "are you really going to do it? Or are you just going to leave it there?"
I have also talked to him about being depressed and he gets defensive. Would I divorce him, I don't know, if it turns into a hoarders situation, yes, I would (hope it doesn't get that far), but I do love him. I have tried to do things where I put his messes in his way so that he HAS to pick them up, but that seems sort of petty and passive. And because of it feeling that way to me, I'm just not sure if I should keep doing it...
June 29, 2013