Family Matters
TarponMonoxide
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
****UPDATE: Sibling who will not pay what he owes****
I just got back from having a discussion with Bro -- one that I was hoping would be void of combativeness, rancor and shouting.
Wistful thinking and my tough luck.
I didn't make out so good.
I told him he needed to come up with a plan to start paying what he is supposed to pay --- and he got kind of mad.
So what's new?
I said to him, "Even if you gave me what you could give me at the start of each quarter, even if it was $20 and you saying to me 'This is all I've got; sorry about the rest.' C'mon....where's even that much for me?"
He said "I only have about $24 left this week. YOu can have THAT, if you want" and he went and got his wallet, took out the money and threw it on the floor.
Said that if I wanted that, there it was. And I could kindly pick it up and that he was not going to do so.
BABY, as everyone said.
I said to him, "THen you'll have to find a way to pay all of the taxes on this property. I can no longer do so" to which he said, "oh, GOOD -- then I can have S. move in here to help me pay for everything!"
This is another story for another board. He's still involved with S from an engagement that never ended -- and I said "No way can you move her in her." "OH YES I CAN. I OWN HALF THIS HOUSE!"
Throwing money at his sister, really???
Then he starts to scream at me "did I ever bust your balls about your xH? DId I ever say anything about him? Why are you so against S.???"
I said "Hold on here --- I am not here to discuss her or anybody else: I am here to discussx the subject at hand --- and that subject is that you need to be working on a solution to get the taxes paid. You are obligated to pay what you are supposed to pay for. You cannot leave me holding the entire bag and you cannot have me pull the entire load. This has gone on for several years already."
He's screaming at me again and telling me "I HAVEN'T GOT IT!!!"
Look: I've got my hands full with this guy. I am at my wit's end and I am going to have to sue him for what he owes me.
He's acting like a child and he isn't even trying to come up with a solution for paying what he is supposed to pay. As I said, he can get a job on his mornings off, his day off and his Sunday off -- or teach tennis on those days -- and use that as the money to pay for what he is supposed to pay.
I told him that if I had the means, I'd buy him out. He laughed at that and I got "oh maybe I should do that to YOU!"
See what kind of triteness and silliness I have here? This is a FIFTY FOUR year old grown MALE, not some kid that is 20 or 22. A beebee, as we used to say in the old Knot days. You old timers from the Knot days who are still on these boards will remember that term.
There is a lot more to the "meeting" I had with him and a lot of it was nonsensical and just plain puerile on his part: stupid comments and other "oh let's hit TM below the belt and really upset her" kind of bullshit. I don't give a damn about that -- the point is he needs to pay what he needs to pay; he is OBLIGATED.
I screamed that at him at one point and it never even penetrated. He just kept saying "So what else is there you got to say? I'm waiting...."
There is no way I can evict him or get rid of him. He owns half this house. If he was renting, another story.
I also got a pretty good cussing out. How's that for constructive.
What to do in the interim. That is my problem.
Wistful thinking and my tough luck.
I didn't make out so good.
I told him he needed to come up with a plan to start paying what he is supposed to pay --- and he got kind of mad.
So what's new?
I said to him, "Even if you gave me what you could give me at the start of each quarter, even if it was $20 and you saying to me 'This is all I've got; sorry about the rest.' C'mon....where's even that much for me?"
He said "I only have about $24 left this week. YOu can have THAT, if you want" and he went and got his wallet, took out the money and threw it on the floor.
Said that if I wanted that, there it was. And I could kindly pick it up and that he was not going to do so.
BABY, as everyone said.
I said to him, "THen you'll have to find a way to pay all of the taxes on this property. I can no longer do so" to which he said, "oh, GOOD -- then I can have S. move in here to help me pay for everything!"
This is another story for another board. He's still involved with S from an engagement that never ended -- and I said "No way can you move her in her." "OH YES I CAN. I OWN HALF THIS HOUSE!"
Throwing money at his sister, really???
Then he starts to scream at me "did I ever bust your balls about your xH? DId I ever say anything about him? Why are you so against S.???"
I said "Hold on here --- I am not here to discuss her or anybody else: I am here to discussx the subject at hand --- and that subject is that you need to be working on a solution to get the taxes paid. You are obligated to pay what you are supposed to pay for. You cannot leave me holding the entire bag and you cannot have me pull the entire load. This has gone on for several years already."
He's screaming at me again and telling me "I HAVEN'T GOT IT!!!"
Look: I've got my hands full with this guy. I am at my wit's end and I am going to have to sue him for what he owes me.
He's acting like a child and he isn't even trying to come up with a solution for paying what he is supposed to pay. As I said, he can get a job on his mornings off, his day off and his Sunday off -- or teach tennis on those days -- and use that as the money to pay for what he is supposed to pay.
I told him that if I had the means, I'd buy him out. He laughed at that and I got "oh maybe I should do that to YOU!"
See what kind of triteness and silliness I have here? This is a FIFTY FOUR year old grown MALE, not some kid that is 20 or 22. A beebee, as we used to say in the old Knot days. You old timers from the Knot days who are still on these boards will remember that term.
There is a lot more to the "meeting" I had with him and a lot of it was nonsensical and just plain puerile on his part: stupid comments and other "oh let's hit TM below the belt and really upset her" kind of bullshit. I don't give a damn about that -- the point is he needs to pay what he needs to pay; he is OBLIGATED.
I screamed that at him at one point and it never even penetrated. He just kept saying "So what else is there you got to say? I'm waiting...."
There is no way I can evict him or get rid of him. He owns half this house. If he was renting, another story.
I also got a pretty good cussing out. How's that for constructive.
What to do in the interim. That is my problem.
Re: ****UPDATE: Sibling who will not pay what he owes****
If you do live with him than he is living for free and I'd do the above and stop paying. Sign everything over to him and be done with the whole mess. I'm sure it's what he wants or is hoping for but I wouldn't be paying for a grown man. But, again as a half owner of the house you can go in and do whatever you want. Use it.
I don't get it. No concern and no trying to figure out how he can "make good" on HIS part. Even if he had some type of skill to barter -- if he was a carpenter, or good with his hands, or an electrical kind of guy, he could "pay off" what he owes in the way of installing a new kitchen, bringing electric up to code, putting in a new floor, etc. Nope, not even that.
Or just sue him for living for free off of you. You have to have something you can do. Your brother is a total BeeBee (yes, I know this term) and a complete asshole.
That was a very long time ago -- more than a few years ago -- maybe the laws have changed.
I am going to ask again and see what my attorney has to say about this.
Can't I just lock him out?
The last time S moved in they weren't even engaged and she told me she wound up paying for the entire load because he didn't have a penny to pay the utilities!
This happened the second she moved in.
So I am sure she will be REAL keen on helping him out this go round. Ha ha...so funny, all of it, eh?
I think he is pulling the "let's scare TM into thinking S will be returning" card. She'd return here and pull the load again? She's got a 55K a year job. I am sure she'd be more than willing to "donate to charity' in the form of paying all the utilities again.
What he needs to do:
Sit down w2ith me and show me what he made/netted over the last 2 years versus his living expenses and say, "listen, as you can see, I can no longer pay what I need to pay. Let's work onb this together; I can't stiff you."
He could move out, rent it to somebody and go live in a one room apartment -- and give me half the money. He could go get part time job on his days off and use that money to pay for his share of this home.|
|Fact is you do things like an adult, not a stupid little irrresposible kid.
Just take his ass to court.
The shame is entirely his own.
He has plenty of means to pay for his share: he is off on Sundays and Wednesdays and teaches tennis as a side business. He can earmark the money from lessons for what he needs to pay for.
So his excuse "I have no money" is bunk. Patent nonsense, a lie and bullshit.
He has been unreasonable for years and just plain nuts -- his behavior has always been erratic and outrageous.(Don't ask what he did to my mother -- she needed to boot his ass instead of enable him. He has needed toughlove for decades) Suppose something happened to me? Could he take this place over tomorrow with no disruptions and not lose this place and have to sell it or have it taken by the town? Nope.
I should have nipped this garbage in the bud when it began. I have a whole plateful of troubles and there's this on top of it.
I am going to have to act quickly on this.
Even still --- how do you safeguard this from jhappening again? I cannot. I have to have him out of here, period. He will only do it again.
Poor character is what this is --- how dare you live off somebody else, more or less. If he was not able to work due to some physical disallowance or was unemployed, that's another story. Shit happens -- but shit like not being a responsible adult and doing what you are obligated to do is quite another story.
Even if I put a garnishment on his salary, I may be one of many already in a queue who are owed money so I won't be prority.
There may also be liens on this house, thanks to his debt --- I wold not necessarily have to be notified, as co owner of this house.
I am going to have to get a title search on this home, to see if there are liens involved. And even so? IF we were planning on selling it, the liens have to be resolved.
And who does that--- ME????? BullSHIT!
His ass needs to go --- and go asap. My atty is in court and hasn't had a chance to hollaback. I'm a bit upset: time is of the essence here; I wish to freeze that chunk of change that is due him (another story) and get my money from that pile that's there versus a garnishment.