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5 yr old major attitude issues
Does anyone else have a 5 yr old with major attitude problems? Recently DD is acting like a complete spoiled brat and I'm at wit's end and need advice how to better handle it. Basically when she doesn't get what she wants, we get major attitude from her - eye rolls, huge sighs, stomping away, dirty looks, saying "I don't care!" or "it's not fair!". We've tried to ignore it, we've told her that isn't acceptable (that it's okay to be angry, but not to act like that), we do time outs for it, but it still happens. I'm not sure if it is starting K that is triggering it or if it's just been building, but I suspect it's the latter as we saw glimpses here and there the past 6 months, but now things are awful.
Also, we're dealing with major "spoiled brat" syndrome... basically someone can do something nice for her, and she wants more more more. Take her to the zoo, she pitches a fit b/c she can't have a toy from the gift shop. Buy her a toy for doing well the first week of K, she keeps saying how it isn't the right doll and she wants the other one, when will she get the other one? But the worst offense was something that came into full light for me tonight. (And I'm so embarrassed to admit this / share this, but here goes...)
Her grandmother took her clothes shopping to buy her an outfit for school - super nice right? Well, DD freaked that she couldn't get some bracelets. Grandmother stood her ground and said no. 2 weeks go by and DD is still talking about the bracelets; she has been acting nice, so I take her to pick out the bracelets. Well, next time DD sees her Grandmother, she is wearing the bracelets, goes up to her, shows her the bracelets and goes "See! Told you!" and marches away... ( I just found out that bit tonight when I saw my MIL). Well, I was mortified to hear this and appalled at DD's behavior. If she did that in front of me, I would have smacked her butt faster than she knew what hit her, and sent her to a very long time out for reasons you can imagine. MIL ignored DD but was very upset about it.
It made me realize that this has stop NOW. I cannot believe what a spoiled brat jerk DD can be, and I'm embarrassed that she can act that way. I just keep thinking "What did I do wrong". I know part of it is the age, but obviously we are in need of a major attitude adjustment. DD has no idea how fortunate she is and what all she has compared to plenty of kids. She has been "I want" this and that and etc for a while, but this is beyond acceptable. And to make matters worse, she often discards things quickly after she gets them / gets tired of them or bored with them easily. How do you teach a 5 yr old to appreciate what they have? I'd love to hear any suggestions or stories from parents who have survived this, cause I feel like a big shameful failure in this area!
Re: 5 yr old major attitude issues
But we have issues as well with never being satisfied. We are fortunate we can give her a lot and with being our only child and only grand kid on both sides she certainly gets a ton! Right now we are working on getting her to understand donating stuff so she understands she needs to give and not just get and that she can't get more stuff and keep everything. She wanted a new toy which I plan to give her this week of K but told her she couldn't get it without donating. So we have 2 garbage bags full of stuff.
It's hard and I don't know the answer! Other than to keep working at it and when she acts like that to do something.
Another thing we run into is her wanting everything right away! With technology she never has to really wait. Instant videos on ipad...no commercials etc!
I don't have advice either but I was thinking about posting a 5 yr old post too.
Adam has recently throw a few mild tantrum and has for a while really wanted wanted wanted. he isn't happy but usually agrees when I say we will add it to "the list"- birthday or Christmas whatever is upcoming, but I do remind him that just because it is on the list doesn't mean he will get it.
He is also pushing us. We say no or ask him to stop doing something and he does it again or keeps doing it. sometime flat out while looking at us and smiling and sometime trying to get away with it if he thinks I am not looking. I try to pay attention and stay firm, but sometimes with Ian it is hard and DH is not an enforcer at all. There are things Adam does to him ( I blame him for being on his phone too much and not giving him enough attention but still) that he just lets him do and doesn't say a word. Just keeps doing HIS thing. Dh just says - "he's 5"
I know he is, and I know he might be fighting for some attention with the baby, BUT that isn't an excuse for bad behavior!!
He is constantly too loud and making stupid annoying noises. I have been told by several people -"that's boys."
Married, September 23, 2006
It took a LOT of trips to Target before H learned that I won’t buy them something every time we go. They still ask, but she doesn’t bug me through the whole trip and T is starting to bug me less. They still ask for a toy every time we go to the zoo. This weekend we were at Splash Lagoon and we went to the arcade on Sunday, and they bugged us on Monday to go back. We just calmly stated (over and over) that our budget for the arcade had already been spent.
Honestly, I don’t know if H’s behavior has been more mellow lately because she’s six, because of gotten rid of a lot of extra toys or because I have just repeated myself enough that she’s gotten a clue that tantrums & attitude get her nowhere. Still working to teach T that tantrums don’t work.
Lastly, please do NOT beat yourself up about this. You haven’t done anything wrong, unless someone wants to argue that working for a comfortable life is wrong. I haven’t read research on this, but I’m pretty sure that it is natural for kids to feel entitled and it is our job as parents to teach them that the world doesn’t revolve around the wishes and desires. I mean, we ALL want things that we can’t have, but as adults we have learned that throwing a tantrum won’t cause us to get our way. :-)
As described in the post, the hardest thing for me is recovering emotionally after the problem is resolved. Still haven't figured that part out...
http://forums.thenest.com/discussion/8671374/how-do-you-get-over-kid-issues-and-bad-days
I agree with above posters that its not something that you did. I think its pretty common that age to act like that & all personalities are different. I really didn't see it with Caileigh (now 8) & she was the first so got everything she wanted but I made such a big deal about how she always got too much that she somehow "got it" and now when her grandparents want to buy her something she says "no thanks". Keira (age 4.5) on the other hand is "me me me I want I want I want". She comes home with a new outfit every time she goes to the grandparents. Any store we are in she wants something & heaven forbid I take a box to give away stuff, she pulls it right back out. But she's smart enough to ask me constantly, "are you giving that away"? And yes, her stuff is all over the floor and she gets bored super easy. And I taught her the same with Keira as I did with Caileigh so to me its just different personalities +second child.
One thing I can think of is I do know that I concentrated more on volunteering with Caileigh, showing her those less fortunate & I need to do more of that with Keira too. For right now, we just tell her, you want it you buy it with your own money. We are not here to buy you everything you want. We explain want vs need (which they do in K & 1st grade as well. As for the bracelets, yep a long hard time out, along with writing/coloring a letter to your MIL apologizing and taking away some of the favorite toys. If you want, see if there are some library books you can read to her about giving or take her to volunteer so she can see what its like to give away to those who need it?
Hang in there !
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
Thank you so much ladies! It's reassuring that it's the age and you've been through it (or are going through it too). We need to re-commit to focusing on practicing gratitude at home - more saying grace at meal time to show we are thankful for the food, more bedtime blessings, etc. Spacing out the "gifts" has already begun, the key will be to get DD to understand that gifts are for special occasions and not a reward for being good. Doing "fun activities / things" as opposed to getting something is a good reminder; we need to do more of that. Lots and lots of good ideas here.
Oh, and the bracelets, yeah, she has long forgotten about them already, so taking them away would be no good. They are collecting dust in her play jewlery box will all the other crap jewlery in there.
Not to state the ovbious, but man, parenting is HARD WORK. You can't relax for a single second huh? Oh, the things I wish I knew 10 years ago!
*-:)As you may know, I work with a lot of kids of various ages, but mostly middle school and high schoolers. I just wanted to encourage you all to hang in there and persevere. Do the hard work of saying no, now. Let there be punishments and consequences and things being taken away, now. I have seen similar behavior to your pre-schoolers/kindergarteners in 15, 16, 17 year olds and its is not pretty. I have seen what no consequences/bailing a kid out from every problem can do to a child/teen, and it has really rocked families. It his hard work, but I firmly believe the way you parent now will dramatically affect how you experience the teen years.
Beth, do you have the kind of relationship with your MIL that you could ask HER to talk to C? Have her say something to the effect of "You know, when you bragged to me about your mom giving you the bracelets and then stomped away, it really hurt my feelings. I tried to do something nice for you, and you were very mean in return." Maybe hearing it from someone else, especially someone who is the source of so many extra special things.
Also, could you set up some scenarios where she will NOT be given in to, or punished directly for the behavior? Complain at the zoo because you can't get a toy from the gift shop = leave zoo immediately. Moan that someone didn't get her the right toy = that toy taken away. Maybe if you can engineer some learning situations like that knowing what she will say and what your reaction will be you'll be less likely to react emotionally?
Hang in there, Mommas! And, if you do find yourself in the teen years with an ungrateful brat on your hands, send them my way. I'll organize a Nestie Mission Trip where some good old fashioned hard work will show them how fortunate they really are!!!
:P :P
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
I've been slammed at work today & couldn't comment on this thread, but Beth, know that you are not alone. Jake's behavior started with day 1 of kindergarten last week, so I know it's at least due in part to that, so I'm trying very hard to be patient & understanding about it. but OHMYGOD, the attitude the past week...I can't even take it!
Hugs. If I could send a virtual bottle of wine to you, I would.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
Please sign Corinne up for that mission trip too! (Is it too late to become Mormon so it's "required"? LOL)
And Emmy, thanks for the virtual wine!! I enjoyed it so much, I'm blaming it for my virtual hangover which is why I hit snooze and did not go to the gym at 4:30 this morning!
:PBefore kids I was super-patient and never yelled...so if my kids can bring me to the point where I yell, I can only imagine how much harder it is to parent if you aren't usually patient. ;-)
One thing that I have found to be helpful is letting him have some down time as soon as we get home. Normally, he doesn't watch shows in the evenings just because we get home late, so he watches 1 or 2 in the morning while Brian gets ready instead. However, I found that when we would get home, sh!t would hit the fan. he'd be yelling at Liam, not willing to share, etc...it was just not a good scene. so what I've done the past few nights is get him a small snack to hold him over until dinner, fruit or something, then let him pick a show and unwind. He seems to be in a better mood after just that short period of time, and more willing to talk about his day.
I hope that helps. we've had some loooooooong evenings over these past few weeks, so I feel your pain. I hope it gets better for all of us soon!!
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
I agree with you Emmy! I know Conall has been a mess since starting daycare again, Sean is awesome - though in bed for the night by 6:30!, and Gavin is moody as well. We're just finishing week 2 of the new schedule, though, and I think we're starting to head out of the woods!
With my work schedule, and Gavin's school schedule, I've been picking him up and bringing him home by 3;50 - where I then work another 90 minutes and have Gavin do his homework then, too, so he can have quiet to concentrate. I let him relax for about a half hour with a show and snack, and then we get down to business. Otherwise, it's a mess later with the other two home, dinner, baths, etc.
Like the other thoughts shared, this really is all related to new schedules. Hang tough, Momma - you're doing awesome! (Just stock up on wine and margaritas to help you through it!)
My three sons!