October 2011 Weddings
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What would you do?

So I have a friend, and she is pregnant. She is hosting not one but two bay showers FOR HERSELF. Obviously I do not want to go and indulge this selfish gift-grubbing behavior. Honestly, if I hadn't been invited to the showers (yes, I'm invited to both) I would have probably given her a gift, anyway. She will be a single mom. She is a bartender at a bar I frequent quite a bit, and used to work at, part-time. She is funny, and I like her, but she is totally selfish and not self-aware about it. Or, maybe she IS self-aware about it and that makes it more horrid. I would not consider her to be a REAL friend, but a fun acquaintance I see quite a bit. I feel like if I don't go, she will give me a lot of shit about it.
One of my best friends is also invited, and since she still works at the bar (and they trade favors for shifts and whatnot), feels like she NEEDS to go. She doesn't really want to, and I know it would be more pleasant for her if I went. Ugh, I don't know what to do. I really don't want to go, but it wouldn't kill me, and I kind of feel like I should go for my friend's sake and not the selfish asshole hosting HER OWN FREAKING BABY SHOWER.
sorry.
what would you do?
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Re: What would you do?

  • Can you and your friend go in on a small gift and have a "family commitment" that day? I definitely wouldn't go to both. Fwiw I wouldn't go. That's annoying and rude to throw yourself not one but two showers.
  • TWO?! Makes me ill and angry at people in general.

    Go together to one of the two. Either get two smaller gifts or one bigger gift. That's the best I have if you don't want retaliation.
  • Ha, some people.  That's a tough one.  I would probably go to support your other friend that has to go (unless she's comfortable with other guests?).  Go in on a gift or buy something small. 

    That's very awkward!

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  • I would pick one and attend with your friend. Get a gift card or something small. Baby stuff is relatively cheap for the basics.

    Throwing your own shower, let alone two, is pretty cringeworthy, but at least you know the gifts are for the baby and not her. Does she not have close family that would throw her one?
  • I think she does not trust her friends to throw her a shower that's up to her expectations. I'm not kidding -- the more I think about the technicalities of her personality, the more I realize she is not a good person. And also that I'm embarrassed by it.
    image
  • I would go to one, go in on the gift with your friend and then maybe leave early if it's getting really bad. 
    So these two showers? which one is better? 
  • They will both have booze. One is at the bar, for her bar friends (meaning not "real" friends she thinks owes her gifts, apparently).
    image
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