Married Life
Katton29
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Husband wants independence
in Married Life
I haven't posted on any other the boards since I had my little one a few years ago....but i am looking for some advice now. My husband has completely changed.....2 yrs ago he wanted to hug kiss and love me....no he says he doesnt like to do that, he says if feels clingy and dont want to. I personally feel i need that a little bit. He also told me we go married to young....I was 22 he was 21, which was six years ago. No he says he loves me...but doesnt know if he want to be with me. I came out and asked if he was seeing someone, and have been trying to talk to him to see what is going on....but i dont get much....all he says is i guess and ok. He shows me no affection and just doesnt even seem to want to be around me.....We have been trying to fix this for a few months but nothing is changing.....and ideas on how to bring the romance back...
Re: Husband wants independence
As you can see, people change.
Sorry to say so but this relationship is over. He has emotionally checked out and when that happens, it is too late.
Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your kiddo: Safeguard your assets, secure them all and see an attorney to get child support issues rectified and when all of that is done, file. There's nothing here left for you. Sorry for your troubles.
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This is at least 2 or perhaps 3 generations ago and things were different. Expectations were a lot different. Even up until the mid-Seventies it was common to see couples marry quite young -- under 21.
Your grandfather probably already had a job of some type; he was probably already working a year, or perhaps two. You were expected to get married and start a family at tht age during that generation. It was rare for an 18 year old to go to college -- you only went if you were well to do or you were going to go into a field where college was a must.
Why it isnt a good idea to marry young:
Yu change and change a lot between 18 and 25. You still have a lot of growing and learning and growing up to do. And guys at that age are notoriously fickle. Most are still sowing their wild oats.
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This was very very rare, particularly if it was Korea or Vietnam. And less so if this was WWII! You had to be somebody out of the ordinary if you were going to be 4F for the service in WWII. Students of certain kinds got deferments and the sole remaining son was not drafted and sent to the front.
Have you read The Five Love Languages or done the evaluation to see what your love languages are? It could be that he really doesn't equate physical affection with love, while you do. I've also found that things can change over time. Retaking the evaluation recently, I realized that my love languages have changed over the years I was married. While "physical touch" and "quality time" are still my dominant languages, the others have shifted quite a bit in how much I speak and understand them.
He's already stated he wants his independence. THat's bad news. He has already checked out.
Counseling won't help. He either will refuse to go or if he does, not willingly and with the intent of fixing what is wrong.