Relationships
LizRN626
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Online Dating/committment issue?
So I met the guy I am dating about 3 months ago online. We talked for about a month, then met and have been seeing each other very frequently for about 2 months. Here's the down and dirty. He is 28, 1 daughter who he has joint custody of. He is very protective of her and I have never met her (understandable-no complaint there). He was with the mother about 2 months when she got pregnant, he stayed with her until a few month after the baby was born because he found out she lied and got pregnant on purpose to trap him. He said he couldn't trust her so he couldn't stay, but has always been a very devoted father. I have 3 kids, who he has also never met. I still have a profile on the website we met on, but really don't interact with anyone and he knows this. At some point he didn't have a profile on there anymore and was on a different site. A few weeks ago I asked him where we were with the relationship, if he was wanting to see other people,etc…I told him I didn't want to see anyone else and wasn't. At that point he said that he didn't want to rush anything and thats pretty much how it ended. Well about a week later we went on a road trip and ran into some people he knew. They asked if I was his girlfriend. There was an awkward moment and I responded for him because I could tell he didn't know what to say, so I said "we are friends". Obviously, we have been intimate and friends with benefits isn't my thing. This was bothering me on the way home so I brought it up. I said to him that I couldn't be friends with benefits and that if thats what he wanted then this needed to stop. I told him I liked him/cared about him and that i only wanted to see him. He responded with "well that would only be respectful of me to do the same". He asked if I needed a label or if I wanted to be an item. I told him it wasn't about that, but I guess. He said he wanted to wait a week or two to do that, he had some other issues going on with his family and he would "let me know" but as of then I was the only one he was with. Two nights later I was at his place and he seemed on edge, not talking/touching much. I said I was going to leave since I felt like I was bothering him. He said it wasn't me but had a lot of things going on…he started to vent and got very upset and irritated it seemed like, not at me but it came out "at" me if that makes sense. He has never been like this before, so I said that I understood he had a lot going on but he wasn't being very nice. During that night his phone was going off repeatedly indicating he had a message. I jokingly said that his other girlfriend would have to wait. He brought this up saying that I was starting to sound controlling, but he will say the same thing when my phone goes off. He then said "see this is why you don't make a big decision when you don't really know someone" and "put the brakes on a little". I was upset because that isn't what he had indicated to me a few days ago. I left and haven't brought it up sense. He did apologize that he wasnt himself that night but didn't address the other issue. We spend the night Thursday together which was fine, but since then he has been distant, his good morning texts have stopped and I have found that in the last week he is again subscribed to the dating site that we met on. It indicates he is online quite a bit. Not that I am a stalker…but girls you know we get this way…lol, he also has 3 new friends that are girls on his Facebook and he is never on there, so I know they must be from this website. My question is, we are supposed to get together tomorrow night. Do I bring any of this up, if so how do I do it? I don't want a casual, no commitment relationship. I don't want to make him sound bad, in the past he has always been very sweet, honest, but in the last week it has changed 360…:(
Re: Online Dating/committment issue?
This guy's not worth it. Too many problems and you need a guy who is a lot more resposible with his body --- really, not using a condom at all times??? Get rid of him.
You do not want a casual, no commitment relationship?
Then find a guy who wants what you want! Personally, he's a jerk --- find a nice single guy who has no kids at all and is interested in being an item with you and you alone.
I suggest you meet a guy "in person" -- stay away from on line dating --- join a club where the group sponsors an interest of yours --- the best way to meet somebody is through a common cause.
Volunteer, ask people to introduce you to a guy who wants a nice lady (you!), take a night school class, to name a few. You're bound to meet somebody there who is ideal for you.
You are not yet divorced from your husband -- you posted the following 2 months ago and you're already jumping into dating????
WAY too early to start dating!!!!
I wouldnt normally seek advice in this manner, but I feel as though I need an unbiased opinion/advice. Basically I have been with my husband since I was14yrs old (he was 16). We married when I was 19, had a baby at 22, 24(lost baby), 25, 27. He was my one and only, as was I his. In the last few years we have had a stressed relationship. He can be very mean verbally and I have felt like a slave to my life basically. We have grown into VERY different people and have completely different personalities. It has reached the point that I cringe at his touch and I feel like he is a roommate. I do not love him anymore. Long story short, I have wanted to end things and he knew this. He cried and carried on and I said I would give it a shot. I am MISERABLE. I can't keep faking this. I feel like people are very judgemental on why I can't "make it work". On the flip side, in the past few weeks I have found someone else I care about but that is not what would make this decision for me. I have felt this way for a long time. What would be your advice? I feel like he wont let me let him go
My strong advice:
Get rid of Romeo and bag thinking about other men!
I don't know what your marital status is --- I am guessing that you are still legally wed to your H. If you are legally wed and you are not legally separated, how can you even consider having a boyfriend???
Don't even consider men or dating, given your volatile marriage dilemma. You're too vulnerable and you are bound to hook up with the wrong guys.
I stronlgly suggest that you get some therapy. Take a look at your marriage and what's happened --- this is also so that you don't repeat the pattern of meeting and marrying another jerk.
And to top this off, you met this jerk on line while you were still under the same roof with your H???
Excuse me but were you legally separated at the time? Please do not ask me what I think about that.
Chick: you ruddy don't know what you want. For love of Mike, can the on line boyfriend and cool it with men altogether --- either tell your H it's quitsville or stay with him and work on the marriage. Don't even THINK of having chimes of wedding bells enter your head right now.
Not to mention your H can pin the adultery rose on you if he finds out you got yourself a boyfriend and you are not legally separated.
OYE what a mess.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
You keep saying what you DON'T want yet you are settling for it.
"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
After, that is, she devotes more time to her kids, she gets her entire act together and her marriage has long been dissolved.