October 2012 Weddings
ramstein1027
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
babies: when did you feel "ready" or, alternatively, what are you waiting for? I'd love to hear
I hope this is OK to post here, since I particularly want to hear from those of us who haven't been married all that long and I trust your opinions from talking to you ladies for the past year or so. I think we have a neat group here.
This month I was convinced I was pregnant, which terrified me, but when it turned out to be a false alarm I was kind of...crushed. I thought I'd be well into my 30's before really wanting to try for our first baby, but lately I've been starting to feel the pull! It's really surprised me. I am 27, DH is 28, we are both attorneys at the (relative) beginning of our careers. We both have always wanted children, and more than one or two of them at that, but I never dreamed I'd be wanting them this early. The hubs is on the same page as me--feeling the pull and shocked by it. We are pretty financially stable (other than student loans, don't get me started!), looking at buying a house next year, have a fantastic marriage, etc.
This month I was convinced I was pregnant, which terrified me, but when it turned out to be a false alarm I was kind of...crushed. I thought I'd be well into my 30's before really wanting to try for our first baby, but lately I've been starting to feel the pull! It's really surprised me. I am 27, DH is 28, we are both attorneys at the (relative) beginning of our careers. We both have always wanted children, and more than one or two of them at that, but I never dreamed I'd be wanting them this early. The hubs is on the same page as me--feeling the pull and shocked by it. We are pretty financially stable (other than student loans, don't get me started!), looking at buying a house next year, have a fantastic marriage, etc.
I think my family expects us to wait a few years because of our careers, but I just have this impulse that I can't shake. I know I need to be sure once we really start TTC because once you have a baby, that's it, you can't give it back 
, but boy am I tempted to start this process ASAP.
, but boy am I tempted to start this process ASAP. I guess I wanted to hear your opinions on this. I think some of you already have children or some plan to in the future (and some may not want any at all, which is a perfectly respectable choice as well). My question is, I know you probably are never really "ready" to be a mom in that you can't imagine what it's like until it happens, but when did you or when will you feel like it's time to start TTC? I'd love any advice or words of wisdom you might have.
Thanks so much if you've made it to the end of my rambling post, haha 
Re: babies: when did you feel "ready" or, alternatively, what are you waiting for? I'd love to hear
Seriously, I almost wrote this myself! I'm 28, H is 29. We already have a house, and H finally got settled into a civilian job this year after 10 years in the army.
We talked about it, and I didn't want to TTC until we were financially ready. We both are emotically ready, but I wanted to be able to afford it. This year we really crushed our debt. We got a HUGE tax refund and paid 2 CCs, 1 court settlement and 1 person loan H had off. Since then we paid off SL#1, and Nov the last CC is done. All that's left is SL#2 and Jeep which will be paid off in May at the latest (barring craziness). We even survived my pay being cut with furloughs.
We moved up out TTC date from Spring, to this Fall. But I'm scared my job isn't as stable as I would like it. I work for the gov't and we all know how gov't is making HUGE cutbacks. I've been here 6 years, but I really don't know what's going to happen.
I have really bad baby fever, and even if we concieve first month, we will still be where we want to be by the time baby comes. This weekend, H said "I'm ready if you are" and gave me this week to decide if I want to start my new month of BC or just stop and be not avoiding it.
I'm a mess of emotions (probably mostly because of TOM). I'm scared of my job, but H said he'd make it work, that we can't keep putting it off because of things we can't control. We have a cushion, and H has a lot of fall backs that make more money, but means less time with me/us. I'm excited to be a mama, I'm nervous to be pregnant and all that goes along with it, I'm terrorified to have issues getting pregnant.... I'm just everywhere. I talked to H about it, but he doesn't feel it. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage, so it's not new for him.
So ALL that to say: we decided we were ready, and I'll no longer be on BC starting next week. And typing that just made it more real, and holy crap. @-)
Nope, not the only one. When I went to talk to H about it last night, he was like "if you don't want to, or not ready then start the next month of BC". I'm like NOOOOOOO that's not even it... ~X( I think it's just a change, and I'm not known for liking changes... until after it happens haha. I'm type-A control freak, I know this. H is my balance haha.
But H is making all these baby comments now and being cute about it. It does make me feel better when I'm going crazy with emotion. Like I heard him talking to the dog about being a "big brother" or how he won't be able to fit in my lap with a big pregnant belly, etc. Or saying how his family it's always boy then girl, so be ready for a son... I seriously love this man :x (and the new emoticons)
I'm 26 and DH is 27. I was having baby hot flashes (moments of baby fever) but now they've turned into cold sweats. I'm not even close to being ready and for no other reason then I am not ready to give up my free time and vacations. We were thinking about TTC soon, but as the days ticked closer I went into a full blown panic and we decided to wait.
DH has raging baby fever. I told him I wanted to wait another year and his response was, "I'm not getting any younger." Seriously?! He's only a year older than I am.. He is ok with waiting until I'm ready though.
@seipel12 - I have that part too, liking to sleep in, go on vacation... but then I realized, our vacations already involve kids with my stepkids and I LOVE IT. I love when they are here and the house is organized chaos. And my parents are right down the road, so I'm sure we can still have date nights just not weekly haha.
Lately my biggest fear is becoming the over protective crazy mom a lot of my friends are becoming. Oh the craziness I've heard lately... I just want to say CALM DOWN, LO isn't going to remember you and H going away one night while they were less than a year old and grandparents watched them! Or whatever it is they are freaking out about.
I thought I was pregnant for sure a few months ago...missed period, nausea, general sick feeling. H and I talked about the possibility of having a baby so soon and decided that we weren't ready. We are both super excited to be parents, but I wasn't working for several months, we just bought a house and were just looking forward to enjoying marriage for a while.
thankfully I wasn't pregnant, but we were strangely disappointed. We are hoping to start TTC in about 3 or 4 years after graduate and have been working.
H and i also had a discussion about the fact that as soon as we got married we would TTC as i was diagnosed with PCOS and on medication for 2 years since i didnt get my period on my own. We discussed that if we waited to try and i couldn't get pregnant the clock would just keep on ticking, so to try right away was a decision we felt needed to be made. Luckily we got pregnant on the first try (our wedding night) and 9 months later our baby girl was here. The sleepless nights, not being able to shower, smelling like spit up, not remembering the last time i did my hair, etc is all worth it. I never thought I could love someone so much until my daughter was born=)
We always knew we wanted 2 kids but 4 years apart, well....SUPRISE! My birth controlfailed and iI am now 24 with a 2 year old son and 3 month old daughter.
We really were not ready for either baby and things are tough financially but I love my babies and wouldn't change it for anything. Once you have a baby you forget what life was like without them!
We were planning to start trying this month, but after the scare we realized we wanted kids whenever we could have them. We started not trying, but not avoiding in May and got pregnant on the first try. When I miscarried it was devastating for both of us. We can't wait to get pregnant and have a baby.
We are comfortable financially to support a family but our living situation is not good. We live in a one bedroom apartment in my parents' basement. We have been looking for a house with no luck since February. It would be ideal to have a house, but oh well if we don't. My dad has other houses we can move into (he's a landlord).
I'm 30 and H will be 33 in December.
For us, we planned on stopping birth control in March, then we decided to stop in January. Then I got bronchitis and was on antibiotics and was like "Hell, if I have to use condoms anyway, I might as well stop the birth control." We hated using condoms so we decided to just start ttc in late November. It didnt happen, even with charting and everything. In April, we found out DH had a low count/low motility. We were devastated. We went to see a fertility specialist and found out DH had extremely low testosterone. We were working on trying to get that treated and ruling out any issues with me as well, when I got pregnant. It is seriously a miracle. I feel like we had to struggle to get pregnant just to find DH's problem, but once we found it, we didnt even treat it and got pregnant (don't get me wrong, he is under treatment now, he just hadn't started when I became pregnant!).
DH has a hard time right now because he can't feel the baby move (too early), we don't know the sex (also too early) and I just started showing. It really isn't real to him yet. He will get better in time and I know he will absolutely be in love when the baby gets here.
I cannot imagine what would have happened if we had waited a few years. Would DH's fertility get worse? We don't even know of he has responded to his meds at this point, so we don't know if it has gotten better. It's very scary...and that is a problem with the man. If it is the woman's issue, it is generally even harder (and more expensive) to try to fix. I always say to DH, "what if we had waited for financial stability and then had to do multiple rounds of IVF at $20,000 a round?"
That stat is for the American average. I also read where Canada gives a monthly baby bonus to help with expensives, we do not have that... except we do get a yearly tax break which might average out to be like the baby bonus.
We get up to 12 weeks, if our employer falls under family medical leave act. For me, I have to use leave to have it be paid leave. The cost of child care is way less for me than a 45 percent pay cut. I think I'd rather get 12 weeks of full pay then go back to work. I'm the breadwinner, and we joke that it'll be financially better for H is be the SAHD. I do I have it easier than most since my parents are retired and offered childcare. I do plan on paying them, but it's not going to be near the cost of a daycare here.
The big reason I'm very plan first for baby is seeing so many around me struggle. My sister is still struggling after having a kid at 16 and that was 21 years ago, and another, being more recent, my friend who is having to cut her own health in order to pay for things her kid needs. We struggled living paycheck to paycheck just the two of use last year while H transitioned from Army to Civilian. We made it, but I can't imagine adding a baby to that. Wants vs needs. Babies are a want for me, and we are now at a point where we can spend on wants since our needs are paid off.
I'm not meaning to sound snarky, bitchy or whatever. These are my views, and I feel like budgeting and living within means is something that's not taught in my country. I don't know about Canada, but even our country can't balance our budget.