Family Matters
alecia_kasher
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
To Help or Not to Help?
I've had a very up and down (mostly down) relationship with my SIL from the get go. I disagree with how she and BIL live their life. In short, they take advantage of anyone they can and pawn theirs kids off on whomever will take them (usually MIL). My DH's family runs a family business and everyone except me works there. Since there's so many family members working there now, they can't afford to pay everyone extremely well. My poor BIL has had to get a 2nd job just to cover the bills and to make extra money for fun stuff while SIL takes off of work early on a regular basis and doesn't pull her own weight. Basically, he has to make up for her laziness. Now, she has decided to take on another job by selling jewelry with one of those big name jewelry companies that does home parties. Last year, I had one of these parties and she didn't even bother to show up. Then she had a party a few months later and expected me to buy loads of stuff from her party and got upset when I didn't buy anything. I didn't buy anything because 1) I had just had a party and bought everything that I already wanted, and 2) I was put off that she couldn't even show up to my party so why would I help her party succeed? She even went as far as to use all of the free jewelry she got from her party as Christmas gifts and when my bday came up in January, she so conveniently "forgot" to buy me a bday present and then a week later gave me more of the free jewelry she got. What annoys me about this is that my DH and I have to buy Xmas and bday gifts not only for her and her husband, but their 2 children too (we don't have kids). We wind up spending $100s on their family alone and all she can do is give free jewelry?? I hate to sound ungrateful but I just don't think it's very fair. Anyway...so now she's starting this "business" and wants me to help her get it started since I have more friends and acquaintances than she does. I told her I wasn't really interested in having a party because mine wasn't very successful last year and I wound up spending more on food and drinks than anything and it just wasn't worth doing again. Part of me wants to respect her for the fact that she is finally trying to help contribute to her family, but part of me doesn't want to support her because our past relationship and her past behavior. I also feel like she's only doing this to gain free gifts for people again, not to actually help supplement their income. So I guess my question is, is this just stupid and immature of me for not wanting to help her out or am I justified in not helping her?
Re: To Help or Not to Help?
And stop buying them presents. You don't "have" to buy, for them or for their kids. Although in your shoes I'd still buy for my nieces/nephews.
Limit the gifts to the kids only. ONE item and a modestly priced one: a book (none of that kindle shit), a savings bond, one gift from their wishlist. Fook that "$100s" of dollars stuff; money is tight for everyone.
Don't bother with any aspect of any business she sets up. You need not even bother.
Whats it your business what she does with the free jewerly. You said yourself that they struggle with money so this sounds like a good way to save some money and still be able to give nice gifts. I can understand not liking it but nothing says you have to spend $100 a piece on their children that is your choice. As far as helping her out I wouldn't feel obligated to do it if not interested she wanted to do this so she needs to get it off the ground.