A little offended..

raysteph814 · September 2013

Disneygeek77 · September 2013

Could it be a mistake. How odd

raysteph814 · September 2013

would love to think so but I am just not sure!

Disneygeek77 · September 2013

Hmmm that is a tough one but I might decline the invite and when she asks why asks why say you both wanted to spend the day together ?

I honestly don't know. What an awkward position to be in.

raysteph814 · September 2013

yeah I am going to go to the ceremony in May but probably not the tailgate in September..

Disneygeek77 · September 2013

Well lets be honest here. Your friend isnt exactly on the up and up when it comes to etiquette. Could be she didn't know she was supposed to send the invitation to the both of you.

kss20 · September 2013

I'd double check that he's not invited. Seems weird to me that he wouldn't be if it's a potluck. If he's not, then (even though it's rude and bad etiquette) I would just try to be understanding. It's her wedding, she's your friend. Don't let this hurt your friendship.

burybuck0489 · September 2013

I would honestly ask her, was it a mistake his name was not on it? what is her reasoning behind it. it.

PnkBride · September 2013

How do you know he is not invited? The ceremony is in May, 2014, and reception is in September, 2014, and she has already sent out invites? Strange!

raysteph814 · September 2013

yeah she already sent them out.. and if he was invited I am pretty sure his name would be on the inviation! My sorority sister who never even met him before invited him to her wedding I just went but she wrote his name on everything addressed to our apartment! I thought that was so nice and even though he couldnt come because of work it was appreciated that he was thought of! and I agree its a little early to send inviations out!

ZeroOrchestra · September 2013

Are you sure it wasn't a save the date rather than an invitation? It's common not put plus ones names on those since it is still so far out.

Leftie22 · September 2013

I agree with PP, it sounds like a save the date, not an invitation. People don't usually send out invites until 2 months before. Was there an RSVP card? If not, don't say anything yet and just see if the formal invites come out later.

EastCoastBride · September 2013

Honestly, stop being so "offended" and just ASK her. She may actually not realize that who is listed on the invitation is the ONLY person(people) invited. She might be assuming that "of course" you'd know that he's invited. Not everyone knows the rules of etiquette. So TALK ot her. If she's your best friend, you should be able to do this.

GilliC · September 2013

(Ditto just asking her about it.)

Most of the world doesn't function quite the way P&E thinks it should.

And considering she sent invitations a year in advance to a BYOB reception, methinks she's clearly not a die-hard Knottie who lives and breathes wedding etiquette.

raysteph814 · September 2013

One was a save a date I know that but the other was an actual invitation.. its been said in the past we weren't allowed to bring guests to the church ceremony but I was also told that the tailgate was the time to bring everyone.. and I am just a firm believer that when you know someone is living with someone and you ask them for "THEIR" address his name would be on the invitation.. but thats just me.. I think I am just going to straight out ask her if it was a mistake

cloudymeatballs · September 2013

Yes just ask her. It could simply be a mistake, maybe she wasn't even thinking about it...

Or perhaps she was just unsure... Asking can't hurt..

Leftie22 · September 2013

raysteph814 said:

One was a save a date I know that but the other was an actual invitation.. its been said in the past we weren't allowed to bring guests to the church ceremony but I was also told that the tailgate was the time to bring everyone.. and I am just a firm believer that when you know someone is living with someone and you ask them for "THEIR" address his name would be on the invitation.. but thats just me.. I think I am just going to straight out ask her if it was a mistake

It sounds like the tailgate is pretty informal, so maybe she didn't think she needed to have perfect wedding etiquette for the invitations. It's more like a "the more, the merrier" kind of thing. Honestly, I think you need to take it easy. Your friend probably has a million details on her mind and a million people who are mad at her because of her dress/color/cake/location/date choice already. Don't take it as an insult when it was probably just an oversight. Ask to make sure he's invited, and leave it at that. Before I was married, I had people address the invite just to me, and invite me "and guest" instead of using my boyfriend's name. Sure, it would be nice if his name was on there, but it's not that big a deal. You'll have lots of invites in the future with his name on them!

Sillygirl45 · September 2013

raysteph814 said:

One was a save a date I know that but the other was an actual invitation.. its been said in the past we weren't allowed to bring guests to the church ceremony but I was also told that the tailgate was the time to bring everyone.. and I am just a firm believer that when you know someone is living with someone and you ask them for "THEIR" address his name would be on the invitation.. but thats just me.. I think I am just going to straight out ask her if it was a mistake

Yep, just ask. Etiquette states you should name a live in SO, but not everyone knows that. I've learned all sorts of things I should have done/known since my wedding. Oh well! I had an aunt ask if my cousin and his wife could come to my wedding. My answer was "Of course!". I'm not super close to that side of the family and wasn't going to send invites to all the cousins, but would love to have any of them there who would WANT to be.

EastCoastBride · September 2013

raysteph814 said:

I am just a firm believer that when you know someone is living with someone and you ask them for "THEIR" address his name would be on the invitation.. but thats just me..

Wrong or right, yes, this is "just you". Not everyone "believes" this or "knows" this. I do- trust me. I get that aspect of the issue. But, again, in this day and age, a lot of etiquette has gone to the wayside and people just don't know the right way to do things.

You can run around being offended because someone, who isn't you, isn't doing things exactly the way YOU think things should be done. OR you can take a step back and realize that maybe she just isn't as clear on these rules and that she meant no offense and you can both go on your merry ways and have a great time at the tailgate.

To a degree, this is also about you respecting her and how she is/ what she knows. You're crying "offense" and letting this get the better of you, when it might just be an oversight on her part. This isn't something to put a wedge in your friendship - UNLESS you do ask her and you do find out that in fact, he is NOT invited to the tailgate. If that is the case - then this is a whole different issue!

Greco1014 · September 2013

raysteph814 said:

One was a save a date I know that but the other was an actual invitation.. its been said in the past we weren't allowed to bring guests to the church ceremony but I was also told that the tailgate was the time to bring everyone.. and I am just a firm believer that when you know someone is living with someone and you ask them for "THEIR" address his name would be on the invitation.. but thats just me.. I think I am just going to straight out ask her if it was a mistake

This sounds pretty straight forward to me. They want the ceremony to be small, but the tailgate will be a potluck, free for all type thing. She's probably just putting friends' names on the invites and assuming they'll know they can bring whomever they want--especially if she already told you verbally that the tailgate was the time to "bring everyone." Sure, it's not formal wedding etiquette, but this is not a formal wedding.

Honestly, of course it would have been nice of her to include your SO's name, but it's not the end of the world that she didn't. I doubt she's deliberately snubbing him. If it's really bothering you, call her up and just say something like, "I saw [SO's] name wasn't on the invite. Are we not supposed to bring dates?" At that point she'll clarify. She may even say, "Oh, you know what? I should have included him in the first place. I'm sorry." Either way, at least you'll know for sure.

kannf1982 · September 2013

I would ask her and if she sticks to her guns that he is not invited, I wouldn't go either. Youre right that it isn't fair to you, and her relationship isn't more valuable than yours and your bf's is so she shouldn't be keeping him out because he is not a "husband". If you tell her its that serious then she should respect that and take your word for it and invite him and not treat unmarried couples like they're lesser. I understand if she is trying to keep the wedding small, there are always hard decisions to be made there with who to invite and not to invite in order to keep it small, but the larger thing? There isn't any reason for that!

A little offended..

Re: A little offended..

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