Relationships
ClaryPax
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What to do now
Well I decided to edit this for privacy reasons and because I hadn't gotten any responses. I think my main question was I've had several friends say to me or other people that they no longer want to talk to me, or that they are too busy to talk on the phone/ text and stop really contacting me and then 6 months or years later are all butt hurt that we aren't friends. Has any one else had this happen to them? How did you handle it? I guess I don't really understand their missing me or wanting to be my friend now when they didn't then. Then they get all upset that I'm not wanting to be their friend after they broke up with me. TIA
Re: What to do now
My advice is to be friends with people who don't act like their 12.
This sounds so ridiculous. They communicated that they don't want to maintain a relationship with you, so the relationship fizzles out, then they're pissed that you don't communicate with them anymore? This kind of crap isn't even worth your energy.
I will say though, if several friendships ended can you think of anything you did wrong? It sounds like you're the common denominator in this.
Thank you for your response. I love it! I think that is the communication style of the people I hang around with I guess. Many people lose friends all the time for various reasons, and these instances were over 10 years apart so I don't really see me as a common denominator.
I will say that of course I know I am partly at fault in any relationship issues as no one is perfect. I would say the common denominator in these cases were major life changes, growing apart, going off to college, getting married and having kids etc which tends to change both people in the friendship.
I do get the impression that I was supposed to just forget everything and become friends again, and that's not something I do well, so it puts me in the awkward situation of either ignoring it to death, fixing what they should have fixed, or telling them I don't want to be friends because they left and I've moved on.
I feel like a bad person for not being more forgiving, but its just not my personality because I need to take care of my sanity too.
Stop being so needy and desperate for company!
What you need to do to make friends of quality -- who are decent friend material, intelligent and worth your while:
Find an activity you like to do where there is a group attached to it -- and then join that group.
Via a common cause is always the best way to meet a person who is worthy friend material.
There are volunteer groups, coed sports leagues, lessons of all kinds (adult school classes, sports lessons, hobby-based lessons and hobby-based clubs dedicated to interests like photography and cooking), becoming active in your house of worship (there are many things for adults of all ages to pursue) your college alumni association and political groups, to name a few.
You will find out who is on your level; these are people everybody in the group can vouch for.
Know what this sounds like? That crazy little telephone game we used to play as kids --- this is silly, divisive and seventh grader-ish:
The first friend said to a mutual acquaintance I don't like to/ want to talk to Clary Pax because of X. The second friend told me not to call or text. She barely responded to my emails and never initiated contact. With both I just distanced myself as they had done. The whole friends drift apart thing. Even though a lot of people say not to do this I guess I should have gone the I see you don't want to be friends with me because of X, so I wanted to let you know that I will be distancing myself now? I don't know how to word it.
And this is what they do now? They go "hello, I am no longer your friend and I am distancing myself now"??? Gee, seems to me there was distance and a whole Milky Way full of it, in the first place.
Dude; get some decent people to fill your time. These people are nuts. Raise your expectations.
Good friendships take time and effort to cultivate. Be picker who you bother with.