Relationships
cutesmile86
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
New BF - history repeating itself
I feel kind of confused about this almost everyday and I really don't know what to do anymore. After my ten year relationship with my ex-fiance, I took a long break from dating. I met this persistent guy who asked me to be his gf two months ago. At first he seemed so sweet, caring, compassionate, and affectionate. He always insisted on seeing me and would randomly call me just to say hi. I love qualities in him that my ex didn't have like his random calls, compliments and affection.
But it just seems like the "honeymoon stage" only lasted about 3-4 weeks. It just doesn't seem long enough to me. He is a workaholic that we really dont speak or see one another. He's an accountant working many hours. I understand the nature of his career since I'm in the same field. He's cancelled on me countless of times due to him having to stay late at work. I feel like hes not very reliable. We live about an hr away from each other and I'm usually the one who has driven to see him because of his time constraint. I don't think I ask for too much and I could work with his schedule but I don't even know if its worth it anymore. I know he has to work a lot but I just don't see much effort at all from his part. He used to call me on his way home from work but those calls have stopped. I don't even feel like texting him because he's not good at replying. I don't nag him at all but I've tried to talk to him about this before. After having enough, I've tried ending the relationship twice and he makes me feel guilty about how difficult things are for him right now and assures me he will make a way better effort. This change for a day or so and goes back to no communication.
I just don't understand why he won't let me go but chooses to keep this mediocre relationship going. Its not only that we don't talk or go on dates but he hasn't gone out of his way or done anything romantic for me. So I question myself what am I doing here. There are guys who have been interested in me doing nice gestures to show me. Heck even my ex would do romantic gestures all the time the first years. I just feel like I ended up in a worst relationship. He even admits himself that hes done very little effort and hasn't done stuff like in his other relationships. I'm tired of trying to break up to hear his pitch of his potential, how much he likes me, we can fix it etc. Its all talk. I don't want to be selfish especially with his b-day coming up. I want to be as understanding and supportive as I can. But I feel like I'm sacrificing my happiness again by settling for crumbs. Or maybe the common denominator is me. What am I doing wrong?
But it just seems like the "honeymoon stage" only lasted about 3-4 weeks. It just doesn't seem long enough to me. He is a workaholic that we really dont speak or see one another. He's an accountant working many hours. I understand the nature of his career since I'm in the same field. He's cancelled on me countless of times due to him having to stay late at work. I feel like hes not very reliable. We live about an hr away from each other and I'm usually the one who has driven to see him because of his time constraint. I don't think I ask for too much and I could work with his schedule but I don't even know if its worth it anymore. I know he has to work a lot but I just don't see much effort at all from his part. He used to call me on his way home from work but those calls have stopped. I don't even feel like texting him because he's not good at replying. I don't nag him at all but I've tried to talk to him about this before. After having enough, I've tried ending the relationship twice and he makes me feel guilty about how difficult things are for him right now and assures me he will make a way better effort. This change for a day or so and goes back to no communication.
I just don't understand why he won't let me go but chooses to keep this mediocre relationship going. Its not only that we don't talk or go on dates but he hasn't gone out of his way or done anything romantic for me. So I question myself what am I doing here. There are guys who have been interested in me doing nice gestures to show me. Heck even my ex would do romantic gestures all the time the first years. I just feel like I ended up in a worst relationship. He even admits himself that hes done very little effort and hasn't done stuff like in his other relationships. I'm tired of trying to break up to hear his pitch of his potential, how much he likes me, we can fix it etc. Its all talk. I don't want to be selfish especially with his b-day coming up. I want to be as understanding and supportive as I can. But I feel like I'm sacrificing my happiness again by settling for crumbs. Or maybe the common denominator is me. What am I doing wrong?
Re: New BF - history repeating itself
Let him go and find someone that will make you happy.
1- he can be a nice guy and not be right for you
2- you don't need his permission to break up.
#2 is what really gets me. He won't "let you go"? It's not HIS CHOICE!!!!! It's yours! If you don't want to keep doing this, then don't. Actions speak louder than words - and you're learning that. He SAYS all the right stuff, but he doesn't follow through w/ action.
This is WHO this guy is and will continue to be.
And his b-day? Hell. There will always be "something" on the horizon. Next it will be the holidays, then Valentines Day, then.... what?? Just break up. You don't "owe" it to him to stay w/ him through his birthday. Thi sis a NEW relationship - you also don't "owe" it to him to stay in a relationship that you aren't happy in just as a sign of support for him.
Where is his support of YOU?!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And when it is tax season, he'll be virtually invisible.
If you want a boyfriend who has normal working hours, simply move on. Who knows? Maybe something else is in the mix and he is not fessing up to what it is.
He's not the guy for you; find another boyfriend.
You can find someone who will want to spend time with you, and will contact you.
He doesn't sound like he's right for you, if your not happy this early on you won't be.