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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
nees help. my marriage is slowly unraveling at the seams...
in Married Life
My husband and will be married two years this coming january. The first year of our marriage was super rough. But somehow we stuck through it. It had been going great from the time we hit the year mark... up until now. He seems totally uninterested in me. How I feel or what the future holds. He doesn't want to make any effort what so ever to make a better life for us. Our sexual relationship has turned into a routine and he completely ignores me when I want to change it up. Anymore he's self centered and only worries about his needs and wants. Where in other areas I'm only worried about what is going to make him happy. Is there someway I can get through to him? Or is it a list cause?
Re: nees help. my marriage is slowly unraveling at the seams...
1-)The marriage never should have taken place and now all the problems that previously existed are starting to strongly manifest themselves
2) He has emotionally checked out and/or simply given up on being married
3-)He is having an affair and has been having one for quite some time.
As I said: A talk is warranted.
He owes it to you to work on this marriage with you if you decide -- and if he decides -- you wish to fix what is internally wrong with it.
He has to willingly go with no hesitation and give more than his complete attention to helping fix what is wrong, otherwise his attendance will be the same as not attending. He will be there in body and not in spirit and if that is the case, that's that for trying to fix the problems.
If he refuses to go to counseling and if he refuses to do anything about treating you like a somebody after you've spoken to him, you will have to decide to take it from here. Put yourself first. GL.
Unfortunately you can't make someone care. There can be issues in a relationship but both people need to be willing to repair the problem if the relationship has any shot of surviving.
Have you told him how you're feeling? Have you asked him if he wants to work on this marriage? Will he go to therapy with you? If not, you have a choice. Stay in a loveless marriage or get out now. I'd suggest the latter.
Good luck.
Without his enthusiastic and arduous input and participation, there's not a chance of the marriage working and the problems being resolved.
I don't know if these problems existed while you were dating.
If they were and the problems are something like alcoholism, vast religious or cultural differences, abuse, immaturity (a guy who isn't grown up cannot be a full fledged husband), infidelity and inability to communicate and handle issues the right way, forget it. Any relationship that has any of those problems "to its credit" before marriage will never make it.
I've tried talking to him about it several times. Taking responsibilty fir actions that have been my fault and trying not to be defensive or play the blame game. But he emotionally just shuts diwn and gives me the answer "there's nothing wrong with our marriage" or "we've already talked about this. I'm not having this same conversation."
How in heck did you solve confrontations before you got married???
Before we got married our relationship was great. We cared so much for one another that it was unbelievable. But then after we got married it turned into a horrible nightmare for the first year. He was staying I ut with friends, talking to other girls and completely denying he was married or even in arelationship. (This was via social media. Mind you he bli cked everyone that was in contact with me... including his own mother.)
Social media nothin'! That he denied he was married was big big trouble!
You should have shown him the door right there and had the marriage annulled. And you should have been livid that he said this.
We seperated four or five different times and the last time was when I had took all I could take.
How many times??? This is already very bad news! This sounds more like some kind of crazy middle school dating relationship -- separated how many times??? Wow.
That was the only time he sat down and talked about our marriage and what was wrong with it. He won't talk about finances, or our problems, or building a life together. I don't know what to do. I love him but I know this isn't what marriage j s supposed to feel like.
I don't think there is anything here for you.
The infidelity alone is unacceptable and the denial by him that he's even married? Don't ask me what I think of that.
You decide where you want to go from here. None of this is good and none of this is fixable. He's already got it set in his mind that he "isn't married" -- who wants to be insulted? I do not think you do.
See an attorney. Perhaps you can still get the marriage annulled versus a divorce.
I will bet you that that affair was existent while you were engaged. Not likely this was new behavior after you got married.
Why didn't you show him the door when you found out he was having an affair?