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Is it normal for kids to throw their parents anniversary parties?
My dad pointed out today that their 30th anniversary is coming up, and us kids have never done anything "big" for them. He told me that he expects we will be planning something this year. Ummm, I have one brother in rehab, one that still lives with them, and me who is in school. Really, Dad, really?!?! I am really annoyed at this. I think it is nice when kids throw some kind of party for their parents when they can, but I had no idea mine were expecting it. Maybe in five to ten years, but I honestly wanted to tell him he was crazy. Is this something you will do for your parents? Is this even a normal expectation?
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Re: Is it normal for kids to throw their parents anniversary parties?
We threw mom and dad a swanky 25th anniversary celebration, complete with vow renewals. And it was a surprise (to them, but we surmised that mom suspected it).
The best, because we were stupid college students, we asked mom for her credit card ahead of time, and she agreed. In that, we didn't pay for it. This is also why I think mom knew.
Excellent financial acumen is one of my strengths listed in my CV.
now that we are not with them, they usually take a big trip during their anniversary. they do get pist if we don't call/email them congratulating them, which i find odd, but eh, it's the parents...
I don't think kids throwing their parents an anniversary party is abnormal. I think that parents expecting it is.
Yeah, we (well, me, really) always take them out to dinner and buy cards. My mom's two sisters both had huge anniversary parties this year (they had a double wedding 45 years ago, lol) and I think it is kind of the norm in the family. This party was insane, like a really nice wedding reception. I get it. I just don't have a couple extra thousand laying around to put on a huge party like that one. The whole conversation just rubbed me the wrong way, and now I am aggravated with my Dad which really sucks.
Typically adult children throw a party at 25 years. I didn't expect it at 25 of my son who is 17 and autistic, but I threw one for my parents at 25th. I sent them on a cruise for their 50th.
I don't see why you couldn't host an in-their-home cocktail party for them.
Exactly this. And I would be pissed. Absolutely pissed. And you are sure he wasn't kidding?
It's one thing if it's something you all wanted to do and had the capability to do, but he "expects" it? Screw that. I think I would ask him, "Umm, yeah. You expect something big, this year? How do you propose I fund that since Brother hasn't finished rehab, Other Brother still lives at home and I'm still paying for school?"
If he had the audacity to ask for something and actually use the word "expect" in it, I see nothing wrong with you responding to it. Maybe I would soften it by explaining that it would be nice to celebrate a milestone (if you feel that way) but that this one is not financially feasible. And I don't consider loans or credit cards "feasible" methods to fund an anniversary party.
In my family, the children only celebrated if it was a surprise. Otherwise, if you want a celebration you throw one yourself.
IMO, anniversaries are between the couple. I don't expect anyone in our families to recognize, let alone celebrate our anniversary. Also, to sound like a complete grouch, 30 doesn't seem like number that should get a big whoop de do. That's more for 25 or 50.
"Your good friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic"
Ironic... My aunt just "but a bug in my ear" that my parents 30th is in 3 weeks and asked what we (being my 2 younger sisters and I) are planning. ...None of us are local... the closest being 5 hours away. However we were planning on all sneaking into town and surpising them with a puppy (they lost their cocker spaniel last May). We were also going to take them out to a nice dinner, just the 5 of us and DH. I was also miffed that it appears my mom is expecting it.... especially when we threw them a very formal affair (and expensive) for their 25th. Our extended party throws big parties for it seems like everything so I thought it would mean a lot that it was "just the five of us" which only happens maybe once a year.
Anyhow...here's what we're doing and maybe you can as well..We're still taking them to a nice dinnner, however we're asking their closest friends and family if theyd like to join us...It's not a formal invitation which would imply that I'm going to pay for it but more of a "hey this is whats' going on-- it'd be great if you can join us". Sisters and I will be providing the desserts and cake. ..I know, i know the etiqutte queens are tearing me apart fo this, but considering the guests -- none of them would be offended considering the occasion and our financial status. I'[ve already consulted the entertaining board and the concensus was that this is probably not the most polite thing but again consider how formal of an affair you want to have and your potential guests. Another Idea is to host a wine and cheese or an open house with light refreshments. wine, cheese, crackers.. etc.... cookies, teas and coffee.....small things like that. inexpensive ways to "throw" something to honor your parents.
So to answer your question, yes....it is normal and expected for kids to throw anniversary parties.... my understanding in the past has been for 25th, 40th and 50th but apparently 30th is common too. each family and culture is different so consider that as well. GL!
We just threw one for my IL's 50th anniversary. No, they didn't expect it at all.
My parents are divorced, no parties there.
I don't think this is typical at all actually. Perhaps in your social circle/geographical location/ethnic background/insert group here, it is, but I don't think I know anyone who has thrown a party for their parents' 25th. My dad and his siblings had a big to-do at a hotel for their parents' Golden Anniversary (what is that? 50?) but that's really it.
We've always done a card or some other form of nice acknowledgement, but it's generally been something that my parents wanted to celebrate between the two of them, not with a bunch of people.
Kristie, I think your dad is whack. You should not feel obligated to acknowledge someone else's anniversary in any way, and the fact that he's expecting something grand from you is just bizarre. Especially given the collective financial situations of you and your siblings, of which he can't be completely ignorant.
Whenever I hear Chesh's IRL name I think "Scissor" --MontereyBride
I think that it was more common during our parents' generation. My parents (both 54) threw my grandparents a 25th wedding anniversary party back in the 70s. They and their siblings were well into adulthood by then and could afford it. My parents divorced when I was 4 so I have no idea what would have been expected, but had they made it to a 25th, I only would have been 19 and my sister 17. Big difference.
My dad and stepmom have been married for 20 years, but have never expected anything of me, my sister or stepbrother. They do their own thing for their anniversary since it's their anniversary. To each his own, I guess.
I will say, however, that 50 and over is a big deal in our family and we've alternated between a big family thing and a collective family effort to let the two lovebirds celebrate on their own. For example, my grandparents recently celebrated their 60th and I cheffed it up for them to have a romantic dinner a deux. For their 50th, the whole family went to the beach.
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Case closed.
Take them out to dinner, perhaps, at a reasonable restaurant, but that's about it. Or cook a fancy dinner at your home and invite them.
And I find it really rude that your dad is expecting this a d putting it on his kids who aren't a place to afford it l
You CAN say no.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And lol that a thread from two years ago only came back because that assbag up there is pissy that her daughters aren't all atwitter over her anniversary.
Yeah, I'm not getting why children should throw a celebration for their parents. Kids generally have little or no say in their parents' marriage, and might not even be alive when their parents make the decision to marry, so what does it really have to do with them? Anniversaries are for the couple. Also laughing at the two-year-old post. These boards are so quiet.