Pittsburgh Nesties
egpitt22
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what would you do? (kindergarten situation)
Already. *sigh* Jake confessed to us last night that there is a group of 3 1st-graders who pick on him every day at recess. They shove him to the ground and laugh when he falls, they tease him about being "the kid who cried for his mommy on the first day", one of them kicked his shin one day, they call him a baby, etc... My heart was breaking into pieces last night. this has been going on for well over a week but he just told us. I'm at a loss.
I can call the teacher, and I plan to do that...but I don't even know what to say to Jake?? What should I tell him to do when this happens? I feel like there's such a fine line between teaching a kid to stand up for himself and telling them something you shouldn't. (because what I really want to tell him to do of course, is tell those kids that they are mean, that they don't matter in the grand scheme of things & will get what's coming to them one day, but obviously I would never tell him to say something like that)
I did ask him what he's done when the kids start picking on him and he said he tells them to stop and tries to walk away to do something else, but they follow him. I asked if he has ever let a teacher know what's going on and he said that his teacher is sometimes not out there and he doesn't know the other teachers so he was scared to tell them because he didn't want to get in trouble.
I told him he should always find a teacher if they don't stop after he asks them to, even if it's not his teacher, they can still help him.
Parenting is heartbreaking at times.
I can call the teacher, and I plan to do that...but I don't even know what to say to Jake?? What should I tell him to do when this happens? I feel like there's such a fine line between teaching a kid to stand up for himself and telling them something you shouldn't. (because what I really want to tell him to do of course, is tell those kids that they are mean, that they don't matter in the grand scheme of things & will get what's coming to them one day, but obviously I would never tell him to say something like that)
I did ask him what he's done when the kids start picking on him and he said he tells them to stop and tries to walk away to do something else, but they follow him. I asked if he has ever let a teacher know what's going on and he said that his teacher is sometimes not out there and he doesn't know the other teachers so he was scared to tell them because he didn't want to get in trouble.
I told him he should always find a teacher if they don't stop after he asks them to, even if it's not his teacher, they can still help him. Parenting is heartbreaking at times.
Re: what would you do? (kindergarten situation)
Hugs, this must be hard on you too!
We had a problem with this the end of last school year. It was one particular kid who had a problem with Jackson. He never tells me anything about school at all, no matter how much I ask, so when he finally said something to me, I knew he was pretty upset. I spoke to his daycare teacher the year before, and my sister who teaches K, and they both recommended addressing it with his teacher first, explaining exactly what J told me and asking her what she's observed. There is a teacher and an assistant in each class, so two people to keep an eye on things.
I ended up going in after school and talking to his teacher about it. She hadn't noticed too much unhappy interaction between the two, but she was on alert to keep an eye on it, I followed up with her and jackson a few weeks later, and it seemed to help resolve things.
If after talking to the teacher things don't seem any better, I would consider talking to the parents of the kids involved.
I just want to give you and Jake a big hug!
(This is my reasonable parent advice, my unreasonable parent side wants to find out where these boys live...)
That is so so sad. It is sad that your son has to deal with this and it is sad that kids can be so mean at such a young age. It sounds like your son is doing everything right; tell them to stop and walk away. The fact that they are following him and physical with him is so wrong and the school needs to know. I agree with the pp, tell him to stay with a group of kids he likes to play with.
That is so heartbreaking! I'm so sorry you guys are going through this.
:-S
When he said the one kid kicked him, Brian's knee-jerk reaction was "did you kick him back?" then he got this look on his face like, oops...that should have been an inside thought! But Jake said, very seriously, "Oh no, daddy. I can't kick them back. They would probably go tell the teacher that I kicked them and started it, and then I would get into lots of trouble".
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
You are raising a smart boy! That is probably what would happen if he kicked them back.
I try to remind myself when I hear less than pleasant stories from school that these are not bad kids, they are ALL very young and they are still learning how to properly socialize with each other. I'm not making excuses for their behavior, but I think it is important to remember that all kids make bad choices and do mean things. Some of them only do them to their siblings and others do them to their classmates. The important thing is how the teachers and principal react once they know about the issue. The important thing is that we constantly teach all kids to be better.
I was going to say what Amber said - that the schools are very big on anti-bullying right now, so I would start with the teacher - bring it her attention what Jake told you, ask her what she will do (monitor, talk to the teachers of the first graders, etc.) and then ask what the school's policy is on bullying.
We had a similar issue last year with Gavin and older kids. When I asked him if he walked away from the older kids, he said he couldn't because they surrounded him. It also turned out that he sought out playing with them in the first place. So we told him stick to his own class first off. Then I contacted his teacher and brought it to her attention; she planned a refresher lesson to her class about the policy and went to the 6th grade teachers and told them about it, and they had a refresher lesson on it as well. We also reminded Gavin to tell any of the playground monitors if he had a problem again. Luckily, it all stopped there.
When we had a bus issue at the start of last year (brought to our attention by Gavin's friend's Mom), DH approached the boys' Mom at the stop and said that if it didn't stop, it would be taken to the school. The Mom was shocked it was going on, and it stopped. The bus driver also had Gavin sit in the front.
Good luck!! Poor Jake - ice cream for dinner tonight!
My three sons!
She was very concerned about the whole thing (which made me feel better & less crazy for being so upset) and said that she was going to go down right then while the kids were at lunch & talk to the monitors to let them know what was going on & point Jake out to them so they can keep an eye out at recess. she said she would also pull Jake aside & let him know that he would never get in trouble for telling a teacher or a monitor that something was wrong and he should always go to them, but should also let her know as well so that she can try to help.
she's going to touch base with me in about a week to see if the situation has improved and we'll go from there.
thanks for all of the advice, everyone. I appreciate it. I just felt an overwhelming amount of sadness for him last night; I know it's all just a part of growing up and that he'll need to learn how to handle it, but still.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
How time flies! Caileigh (9), Keira (6) & Eamon (3)
Poor Jake
that makes me so sad! The others had good suggestions, but I'd also coach him to say "I don't care if you think I'm a baby." Since they aren't letting him walk away and ignore them, that might be a good way to communicate his indifference. My nephew is a bully, and whenever I finally got Lanna to understand that not reacting took his power away it made a huge difference. As soon as he sees that he's not upsetting the other person it takes all of the fun out of it and he moves on. Sick and sad, but true.