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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Vent - Delivery Drama (LONG)
With the due date fast approaching, many family members have been asking about my plans regarding visitors. I have told DH and I's parents and siblings that I will call them when I am admitted, and that they are welcome to come down and visit me while I am laboring, since I may need to give DH a break if it's a long labor, and/or they can wait in the lobby, but when it comes time to push, I just want DH and I in the room.
DHs family has no problem with this. My sister, however, is very upset. Apparently, this entire pregnancy she has been under the false impression that she would be in the room. I don't know where she got this from, because I know I mentioned it early on that it would be just me and DH, and when we went to the a/s it was just me and DH. I just don't understand where she got this from, and it really hurts me to see her upset about it, but it also pisses me off that she's upset about something I thought I made very clear. She made a comment like "I don't even see the point of coming to the hospital just to be kicked out of the room to wait to hold her"..Again, I thought this was made clear, and I don't see why this upsets her so much.
On top of this, my mom is getting hurt and emotional because she thinks that I am being too controlling of the situation. She said she doesn't like the idea of me and DH being alone with the baby then presenting her like a prize to them...I'm confused, isn't this basically how it's always done. Of course I am going to "present her", I'm the one giving birth to her. I think she's thinking I am going to hold the baby for hours on end and make them wait in the waiting room the whole time. All I said was that I wanted a moment after birth to gather my thoughts and wrap my head around everything, as well as get my baby calmed down and ready for visitors. Maybe 30 minutes to an hour of time, nothing crazy. I'm just confused by her thought process. I know she's excited and feeling emotional because I am her first baby, and now I'm having one of my own. So I'm trying to be understanding, but I am so confused by her comments. She seems to be getting upset about things that aren't even an issue. Am I missing something?
I haven't talked to either one of them since this past weekend because this entire situation has made me feel really upset and depressed and I've been trying to ignore it and move on. DH is really upset and wants to share some words with them because he doesn't like seeing me like this, but I told him I don't really want them to know how upset I am because I don't want to be even more stressed. All that will happen by me telling them how I feel, is that I will feel even worse and I'll feel guilty for making them feel bad for getting me upset. I know, I care way to much about what other people think.
I just needed to get this off my chest. Am I the crazy one in this situation? Am I right to just drop it until little miss gets here? To me it seems pointless to bring it up because I think it'll be just fine on the big day, because I feel like everyone is just getting upset in anticipation of how things will go, and bringing it up would just pour more salt in the wound, so to speak. At the same time I can't seem to get a hold of my emotions right now and still feel very upset. I feel slightly resentful toward them for being put in this position, but also guilty for feeling this way. Probably just pregnancy hormones. I don't know. I just need a hug and for someone to tell me everything will be okay. I could also use some labor vibes. I want my baby girl here now!
Re: Vent - Delivery Drama (LONG)
Sorry if that's blunt, but H and I have the same rule. Except no one is even allowed to come to the hospital, they're allowed to visit when we let them know they can come. We've been jerks about it to both our families since day 1.
I too told my family that when it came to pushing it would be just DH and I and they all understood. My mom and dad got to the hospital as soon as I called them which was when I got admitted and they helped me get through the process of not fully dilating and Isis not turning sideways.
After they heard her cry my mom ran in the room she said she just wanted to see if I was okay and the nurse asked her to come in but as soon as my mom saw me naked and getting sowed up she ran out quick.
After I finished pulling Isis out we put her on my chest. While they finished cleaning me up and sowing me up Isis laid on my chest and we fed her for the first time while family waited outside. It took maybe an hour to an hour in a half that we got to enjoy her alone.
Family never said anything because that was how it happened. I think if I would have wanted it any other way it wouldn't have worked and I would have just stressed my self out more.
I think maybe you should stop stressing about because after Adalyn is here no one will care
JMO.
I probably would tell them how you feel, but do so in a way that doesn't put them on the defensive right away (if that is even possible). You could also just ignore it and they will have to just get over it - I have a feeling that once your baby is here, they will forget about it pretty quickly.
Sorry you have to deal with that! Hopefully, they will come around soon.
BFP #5: 3/25/2015: EDD: 12/8/2015.
Tell them all to fuck off. This is YOUR labor and delivery, therefore, YOUR decision. They'll get over it. Absolutely do not bend on this if this is what you truly want. You'll regret it later on. I think it's weird that they're getting so upset about it
We told family only the grandparents on the first day (first grandbaby both sides). And only hours after he was here. BF is/was important to me, so we needed some time for skin to skin and bf.
Plus I wanted my memories to be if dh and me with DS.
Honestly, those first two weeks were rough and we should have had less visitors. My mil in particular hogs the baby (holds him whenever she is there) she ff so she doesn't get bf at all. The last thing you need is comments -he is hungry, he is not hungry, he is cold, etc.
Get dh on you side and establish boundaries early and often. You may change your mind about visitors, and that's ok. You need to do what you need to do.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
I am sorry. I feel like you are being very reasonable. Even if you wanted someone else in the room other than DH during delivery, letting in your sister would lead to resentment from your mom, then your mil and any sil's. It has to be limited. Moreover, doesn't your mother know that after the baby is born, she will be taken by the doctors/nurses to be cleaned and have some testing before she is brought back and "presented" to you. She is being ridiculous. Doesn't she remember how it was done when she had her children.
Don't let it stress you. Babies bring out the crazy in people.
I'll probably just drop it unless it comes up again. DH has definitely got my back, and has made it very clear he has no problem being the bad guy, I just want to avoid any more drama if possible.
I actually do feel a lot better now that I've gotten that off my chest. Thanks again ladies for all your support! I'm so glad I'm not just being a crazy hormonal pregnant lady. Lol
I found when I got to the hospital I didn't want a bunch of people visiting so we didn't tell people until the next day when I was still laboring but closer to actually having her. MIL showed up and the nurses knew we didn't want her there for the birth and they asked her to leave the room when I was getting checked and when they broke my water.
Our Little Raspberry-Born 3/27/12
We Said I Do 09/06/09
We didn't have any visitors until early in the afternoon the day he was born (he was born in the morning).
I really liked it being just DH and I.
5 cats. 1 baby.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
That said, I think they are being unreasonable. I'm not sure if you want to be alone the entire time or just pushing. You could labor for hours before pushing. If you're worried they'll be pissed, could you find a nice way to talk to them about the situation, maybe take them out to lunch or something. If all else fails, I'd even consider sending them an email about my birth plans and my feelings why I'd want it to be just DH in the room. But then again, my family is an email type of family. Maybe that's a way to get all your thoughts together and present it in an organized way so it doesn't just get jumbled and come out poorly (I know that happens to me when I get emotional about something). Just a thought. Or like wiggy said, have the nurse play the bad guy and tell them DHs only for the pushing. They do it it all the time.
You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through.
If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step."
The biggest thing for me was that I wanted to BF and you need to start working on that RIGHT away and you try and try until the baby goes to sleep. I didn't want anyone else in the room except DH. We told our family that he was born and I would be accepting visitors two hours later.
Hope your family comes around.
To make you feel my love.
I have also made it clear from the beginning that I only want DH there. It's a moment we will only get with our son once and we deserve it. It takes however long it takes - he's our baby and the breast feeding, skin to skin, first moments of his life belong to us. When we have visitors a few hours later, those will be separate memories to charish.
They aren't being cheated, they are asking you to cheat yourselves as his parents of those first few moments that you want to experience with just your husband.
Stick to your guns and don't feel bad because they won't care long term but you will if you cave to cater to them.
Hugs and labor vibes!!!!