Married Life
NavyBlue143
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Urge to kill, rising....
in Married Life
I have been struggling with getting H to help me out around the house. We have 8 pets, only two of which are mine, so I feel he should help vacuum and dust more than he does. When we first got married I was unemployed, so naturally housework fell to me. Now I work full time, and I had been making some real progress before he had back surgery. Now that he's cleared for activity again, I have to basically start from square one since he has fallen into his old pattern of laziness.
That's frustrating, but something he is working on. We went on our first anniversary trip last week, and before we left we cleaned so the house would be mostly clean when we returned. His dad then decides to come into town to work on his rental property, and crashes on our couch while we are gone. Fine. But we come home and my house is trashed. It smells of cat pee (he dismissed the cat sitter and "took over") he had piles of laundry or dishes on every flat surface, wine and coffee spills on the counters and floors, and he drank my wine!
I asked H to talk to him because I was nearly in tears, and while his mess is now contained to the guest room, he still leaves dishes and crumbs and spills everywhere. Also, FIL is a chauvinist, and if I tried to talk to him he would dismiss me and make a comment about hormones or something, so dealing with him is husband's job. He doesn't see much of an issue, but obviously messes don't bother him like they bother me. I come home today and it just hits me. The house still smells of pee, the floors are nasty, things are everywhere, the kitchen is a wreck, sink and counter full of dishes food and crumbs, litterbox full....I just want to scream at someone. I work my ass of at work, and have to come home and work my ass off at home because H is lazy and FIL is disrespectful.
Someone is being read the riot act when they get home... This shit stops today.
That's frustrating, but something he is working on. We went on our first anniversary trip last week, and before we left we cleaned so the house would be mostly clean when we returned. His dad then decides to come into town to work on his rental property, and crashes on our couch while we are gone. Fine. But we come home and my house is trashed. It smells of cat pee (he dismissed the cat sitter and "took over") he had piles of laundry or dishes on every flat surface, wine and coffee spills on the counters and floors, and he drank my wine!
I asked H to talk to him because I was nearly in tears, and while his mess is now contained to the guest room, he still leaves dishes and crumbs and spills everywhere. Also, FIL is a chauvinist, and if I tried to talk to him he would dismiss me and make a comment about hormones or something, so dealing with him is husband's job. He doesn't see much of an issue, but obviously messes don't bother him like they bother me. I come home today and it just hits me. The house still smells of pee, the floors are nasty, things are everywhere, the kitchen is a wreck, sink and counter full of dishes food and crumbs, litterbox full....I just want to scream at someone. I work my ass of at work, and have to come home and work my ass off at home because H is lazy and FIL is disrespectful.
Someone is being read the riot act when they get home... This shit stops today.
Re: Urge to kill, rising....
He either starts helping or paying. By paying, I mean hire a maid for every week. His Dad is his problem. His pets are in your house so to me it's a 50/50 thing. Again, help or pay.
I see it is Like Father Like Son. How sad.
Your H needs to tell his father he is no longer welcome to stay there and your H needs to start pulling his half of the household load. This is no questions asked. You are not his maid, his mother, his consierge, his tailor, his laundress, his cook, his housekeep or his valet. You are his wife and equal partner and he best better get up off his duff and pitch in.
Change all the locks so that Dear Ole Dad can no longer access the house. And call somebody to rid the cat pee smell and send Dad the invoice. HIS mess, HE needs to man up and pay for the cleaning bill.
H also suggested we do a chore chart or something, because lists and schedules help him stay organized and on task. We have had to do this with bills and other tasks, so it makes sense to do it with housework. I am guilty of letting him get away with laziness for too long because I felt bad he had surgery. To his credit, he is always willing to listen when I am unhappy with something and he does honestly try to fix it.
He has a bad habit of being a people pleaser, and he lets friends and family get away with behaviors he would never tolerate in me. This is something we addressed in marriage counseling a few months back, and he has gotten better at standing up to people. He still sometimes needs to be prodded, but he will do it. The situation with him and his dad is very tricky. I have issues with my messed up mother as well, so I do understand, but I didn't wait until I was 32 to stand up to her, and I never tolerated her disrespecting him. But H took care of it, and although FIL is no longer my biggest fan, I am ok with it.