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ChristieandChristopher
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
N
Re: N
Has he seen what it can do his mouth and jaw?
Gross!: https://www.google.com/search?q=results+of+chewing+tobacco&hl=en&prmd=imvns&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=2GlkUKOhJLGA0AGN3IBw&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAQ&biw=1680&bih=965
Maybe have him read this, it certainly conveys your feelings about his chewing (or maybe sit down and talk to him by not asking him to quit, but by telling him 'why' you need him to quit: "With the latest occurrance of my 2 year old son getting into the stash and spreading all over, I became physically sick cleaning it all up." and "With all of the connotation to anger and sadness for me during hormonal ups and downs through my pregnancies, I even just barely smell tobacco on him or in his office and become nauseous and so turned off. I envision him disfigured by cancer. I see our funds dwindling with apparent selfishness and hate the fleeting thoughts of being alone due to death."
I may not be the best at giving advice, but after reading this, I totally feel for you. Those words alone are pretty strong reasons for anyone to quit.
Good luck Christie!
Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye
I realize the horse is WAY out of the barn, but this IS part of the problem. You dated and married and had kids w/ a man who chews. And you seem to think that YOUR being unhappy about it should be enough to make him quit.
But... as w/ any addiction, HE has to want to quit if it will ever actually last. You can't force him to do this. You seem to know this, but yet you still expect it to be on your timeline.
All I can suggest is to talk to him about it more. Don't fight. TALK. why does he do it? Does he understand what could happen because of it? Does he understand the problem of your child finding his stash? Does he understand the message he is sending to his kids? Does he WANT to quit? If he does, what does he need from you?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Would the photos (and postmortem information) of head, neck, gums, soft pallette, tongue, mouth, throat, jaw, sinuses, salivary gland, esophagus, lymph nodes, stomach and thyroid cancer victims drum any sense into his head???
These cancers are highly aggressive --- likely because there is no serosa w/the exception of the stomach and thyroid --- and wow, can kill you in no time flat.
The surgery is highly invasive. Look on line to see where they cut you to do the surgery.
Maybe that would wake him up and how.
The skinny:
He is an addict just like any other addict -- and like any other addict, he will not kick the habit unless HE wants to do so.
No amount of talking or threats or anything will do it: he has to do it for himself.
Like any other addict, he needs a "rock bottom moment" where it will hit home that he's got an addiction and he needs to quit pronto.
And I believe that quitting chewing tobacco is tougher than it is if you are a cigarette smoker.
He could try the patch -- I think it works for a chewer --- call the ACS and see what they can tell you.
If his chewing bothers you that much, then leave him. Tell him flat out "It's the skoal or me" and if he does not choose you, you know where you stood.
I am wishing you luck with this. Tough deal all around.
ETA: good thing your youngster did not ingest any of the tobacco. DISASTEROUS would have been the consequences.
One of the girls on my anniversary board suggested I respond on this thread. My husband is on day 16 of quitting, cold turkey. He had been doing it for 10 years. We would argue about it a lot too. I thought it was so gross. The smell, the spit bottles, yuck. Not to mention what it could do to his health! But none of that got to him. I'd show him pictures of people who lost their jaw, didn't mean anything. He didn't understand any of my concerns. He always told me the more I brought it up, the harder it was for him to quit. It's true, but again, it's hard to understand. His comment - if you do bring it up, don't bring it up in a way that's going to turn into a fight. Don't attack him. Don't degrade him. Just make small comments here and there about your feelings about it. My husband didn't even tell me when he quit. I just realized it before we went to bed, that he didn't have his usual one after dinner or before bed. But I didn't say anything, knowing that he just wanted to do it on his own. He finally told me the next day. I asked him why he quit, his first comment was "I wanted to". Then he went into further detail saying the week before he chewed more than ever. One morning he put one in and it almost made him sick. He decided that would be his probably one and only chance to give it up. So he threw out all the unopened cans he had in his truck, and so far so good. He said it's all about timing. Nothing I say or did could've made him quit. He has to want to, or else it won't last. I kinda rambled there, but my advice to you is to put your faith in him that he can come to the decision on his own. Try not to fight about it.
If he does quit, from my research the best chance of quitting with a chewer and lasting is cold turkey. The hardest thing he's had to deal with is sleeping. He can't sleep now. It'll probably last for about a month. So make sure if he has any side effects you are there are ready to support him. I went out and bought him some melatonin, which has helped a little.
I'm sorry you're going through this and I completely understand how you feel, and I hope that it works out for you guys. Just try and take it one day at a time.
TTC since March 2012
BFP 3/14/13!!!
U/S 4/15: Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
My Chart***My TTC blog
She had this bad cold and i was over there that day. She lit up a butt and i said, "Really? You're going to smoke that cigarette??" She replied that yes, she was --- and we got into this huge fight.
I left about 15 minutes into the argument and she said that after I left, she went to take a drag out of the cigarette and it tasted awful.
She said it was like somebody's hand put hers down -- and after that, she never smoked another cigarette again. QUit cold turkey, no problems.
About a week later, she told my uncle she quit and how. He laughed... and about 3 3 weeks after that, he quit, out of the blue and he too never smoked another cigarette again.
My Mom is a smoker, she has smoked for years.
I was there when she has tried to quit, she has tried a few times and whenever she did something stressful would happen and she'd start up again. She tried the patch, tried the smoking pill, tried going cold turkey (but then she substituted food and gained a lot of weight, which she lost once she started smoking again).
Fast forward to now....
Mom has cut back a lot on smoking, she and Dad have started arguing a bit about it but she says she can't quit yet. I have faith in my Mom that since she has been able to cut back, she will someday be able to quit. I just hope she is able to quit before she gets any of the illnesses associated with smoking.
My new grandma-in-law quit smoking within the last 2 years (I think), she told us her trick is that she has a pack in the freezer "just in case". She said when she tried to quit the first time she didn't have the pack and started up again shortly after quitting. This time she has been cold turkey ever since she froze her pack.
I told you these stories (they are both positive to me even though Mom is still smoking) to maybe offer some comfort that when your husband is ready he will stop. Other people wrote stories about people who quit too. I honestly hope your husband is able to quit sooner rather than later, but until he does maybe praise any little steps that he might take (if he mentions them to you). That's what I've done with Mom, I tell her how happy I am that she has cut back (and I do it often enough to keep that happy feeling there, but not so often as to be nagging).
Good luck!!
You said he is in school pursuing a second career? How far into his degree is he? If he plans to quit after his schooling is done, can you support him through that?
When I was going through school, I took note of how many smokers there were when we started the program compared to the end. The number doubled if not tripled! I'm saying this because your husband may be a social chewer (if his classmates are chewing, that may put the pressure on him and he may not be able to quit because of that).
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this at once (and that he kind of sprung it on you). Do you guys have any friends/relatives who used to chew/have overcome alcoholism? Maybe having them talk to your husband may help him. Just thinking that your husband may be on that standpoint, "You never had an addiction like this so you don't know what I'm going through". I can imagine that it is very difficult for you as well, but maybe he feels your concern comes off as judgmental? I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to look at things from his standpoint too. I'd definitely try to talk to him about his classes (not the chewing), try to support him with that and ease his stress level if you can. It may help him have less of an urge to chew if his stress level is down. Also, try to find someone you know who has overcome an addiction and see if they would be willing to talk to him.
Good luck again!
I don't know what to tell you....maybe right before he gets home...get one of his cans of chew...spread it all over the floor, like your 2 year old did it. Let him discover it! maybe that will shock him into quiting!?
Both of my parents are smokers. Grew up in the 70s. Stuck in the car with the windows rolled up, two parents puffing away on cigs, with me and my 2 brothers in the back seat! We litterally choked on the smoke! Begged and Begged for them to crack or roll the windows down! We live in oregon where it rains alot! Now, I am 40! I have adult asthma! My parents have lost 4 people to lung cancer because they were smokers. My dad has been in the hospital multiple times for heart disease. My mother had a stroke on 6/6/2006 IN CHURCH! She is a roman catholic! Yet, they both still SMOKE!
If his habit is so horrific and it is positively something you cannot live with or tolerate, then make him cjhoose:
You and the kids or the tobacco.
Either that, or you have to face facts that he will most likely remain a tobacco user.
I myself wouldn't tolearate it. Your choice will have to be up to you.
As an aside: I never could figure out why somebody would have a child with an SO minus the "legs" of a marriage. And a marriage that is a few years old and a few years strong.
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I used to work at a rehab center in Ontario, and contrary to public perception, nicotine is highly, highly addictive. Marijuana usage sticks with 9% of first time users, and alcohol tends to stick 15% of the time. With cocaine and heroin, it’s 17 and 19%. With nicotine, it’s a whopping 22%. Nicotine is more addictive than heroin! There ought to be some smokeless addiction treatment programs at rehabs around you.
All these years later and the OP deletes.
The topic of this thread: the OP's husband is chewing tobacco and she's pissed off that he will not quit.
As a very last ditch effort, she could leave him.
Then again, why did you marry a tobacco chewer if you did not like the idea of him chewing at all??? the mind boggles.
OP: I am not here to pick on you. Why not leave the post intact? Somebody else might have a suggestionfor you! this is why deleting is annoying and frustrating.
You could leave him if this is rough for you to take.
You could consider his addiction a dealbreaker.
This is going to have to be up to you.
And as I said, chewing tobacco is especially dangerous because none of the organs in the neck and throat have a visceral covering. I consider the tongue to be an organ, too, believe it or not --- it aids in chewing, speaking, digestion, taste and a host of other things.