Family Matters
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Help! Father in Law advice...
Brand new to this forum. I am looking for some advice, hence the reason I joined. My father in law came to live with us over 3 years ago after he and my mother in law split up. I have been married to my wife for nine years, but we have known each other (and each other's family) for over eighteen years. My wife's mother is amazing. She is a wonderful cook, a wonderful grandmother, and we have been close the entire time that my wife and I have been together. Her father on the other hand has is good traits, but for the most part is "know it all" pain. I have never found a subject that he doesn't have an opinion on .
My father came to live with us after a car accident in which he was drunk and hit a telephone pole. It could have been an attempted suicide. We opened our home out of the goodness of our hearts. This was never intended to be his permanent home.
He now sits around my house all day, listening to ultra conservative talk radio. He doesn't have a job. He does contribute by cutting my grass, but at this point I would be willing to cut my grass every day of the week, if he would just go. If he was one of my family, I could have sat him down long ago, but he is my wife's dad. She is a little afraid of him, too. My house is only 1200 square feet. I have two kids, one of which has to share his room with his grandfather.
How do we tell him it is time to go?
Re: Help! Father in Law advice...
You and your wife sit down with him and politely say, "Dad, we have enjoyed having you here with us, but we have decided it is time for us to end the living arrangement with you. We're tight on room so this is best for everyone."
Bring out the ads where there are rooms for rent and tell him that he has about a month to find himself digs.
If he is strapped for money, he can live in the Y or find a room in a boarding house.
If you want to help him look for rooms, you can --- he still has to be out by the end of the month.
Give him a deadline to be out and if he does not comply, put his stuff outside and that's that.
He can also try Section 8 housing via the town or county or put his name on the public housing list for those with fixed incomes. Our town has 3 buildings that are mostly for those 55 and up but the buildings also house those under 55 who are in financial dire straights, are disabled or who meet the standard for those who are poverty stricken.
I am willing to bet he is an alcoholic and/or has plenty of unresolved issues where he would benefit from counseling --- and if he is an alcoholic, he needs AA but that's another thread altogether.
I imagine you and your wife are supporting him. I frown on that --- he should be able to support himself if he is not disabled or incapacitated.
It's time for Dad to go. Make sure you tell him you're sorry and it's a "no room at the inn" thing and not any other issue that had you and the wife come to this decision. Good luck.