Let's discuss...

Sewilson33 · September 2013

So I was listening to the radio this morning and the morning show had a very long discussion about spanking your kid. They said 81% of people believe it is okay to spank your child. I was surprised to hear such a high number.

What are your thoughts on spanking?

LuckyAngel07 · September 2013

I didn't get spanked much, but my parents did spank for good enough reasons. I have no qualms about giving a few swift swats if the kid is acting badly enough.

callitcompulsive · September 2013

I feel like spanking is a typical knee-jerk reaction. I'm not surprised this number is so high.

Apollo11235 · September 2013

Hitting people is wrong.

I'm not too surprised at the number though.

Xan921 · September 2013

I was spanked as was my Dh...neither of us have an issue with it. Some people take it way too far and do it far too often and that we do have major issues with, but the occasional gentle spank or hand slap to help get the point across I'm ok with.

amandaf6383 · September 2013

I think the question goes beyond just spank or not spank. What kind of spanking are we talking about? What is the purpose and what will spanking accomplish that can't be accomplished in another way?

I was never spanked, swatted, or anything like that and I still was disciplined when necessary. That being said, I don't always think it's wrong to swat a bum and I'm definitely not going to say that I will never give my child a spanking or that I side eye people who do. I do, however, disagree with using spanking as the only form of discipline and to use it as a way to shame your child. Does that make sense?

islandmonkey8 · September 2013

I was spanked, VERY sporadically. And honestly, when I was it tended to be because I hit my sister or something like that. So, I feel it was deserved, we definitely hit each other less when we knew we'd get spanked. Otherwise, we didn't get spanked for being annoying or bad grades or anything. I'm with @amandaf6368, it can't be the only form of discipline but sometimes (like in my case with my sister) it makes sense.

LuckyAngel07 · September 2013

@amandaf6383, that makes perfect sense, and I agree completely.

There definitely needs to be some other form of discipline, especially as the child gets older and can start to understand more complex reasoning for doing/not doing something or behaving a certain way. I'd be doing my best to verbally make my point as well.

Sewilson33 · September 2013

I was never spanked. I did have my hand swatted a couple times but other than that my parents never went to the extent of spanking.
I do believe that some people spank and go overboard with it. I have no problem with other people who give a swift smack on the butt every now and then but as a main form of punishment I don't agree with it.

I do think that the chances of me actually spanking my kid is very very low.

sparklingdiamond · September 2013

I was spanked rarely as a child and only when I did something really bad. DH and I don't have an issue with spanking, but I agree with @amandaf6383 that it can't be the only form of discipline.

Sewilson33 · September 2013

@amandaf6383 I think that makes perfect sense.

brij2006 · September 2013

I haven't decided on this yet. Both H and I were spanked growing up, but my dad was also abusive so it got out of hand quickly, every time. So I am somewhat anti-spanking, because I don't want to have to figure out where to draw the line, and I don't want the chance for it to escalate.

H has told me that this portion of parenting is entirely up to me. If I don't want to spank our children, then we won't.

ETA: But I never side-eye a parent who spanks their child. It is their choice on how they choose to discipline. Now, if it wasn't just spanking and turned to abuse, then you bet your ass that I will step in.

GoodWolf · September 2013

Both H and I were spanked growing up. I know it was effective, but I also know other forms of discipline my parents used were effective. I don't know how I feel about spanking, but I do think if we can avoid it that would be great. I'm not going to pretend to know everything about parenting and discipline though.

MRads · September 2013

I think different forms of punishment are effective for different children. We might spank one and not the other. I hope we try alternative forms of punishment first, though.

lb1117 · September 2013

H was spanked often as a child. I was occasionally. We've had some discussions about this. It can't be only form of discipline or the first thing we do every time, but if it's bad enough and a point needs to be made, we don't have a problem with a light swat to the bum or hand.

ILoveRedVino · September 2013

H will spank. I will not. It's just not my style.

If we end up adopting kids (which we prefer over newborns) then that goes out the window. No spanking at all. Trust will be very important to build.

nfp147 · September 2013

I was spanked when I did something that I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing. It wasn't often, and I don't feel that it was ever uncalled for. I have no issues with my parents spanking me.

I can't tell you how I'll parent, if I ever do, but I can't say that I won't spank and I personally don't have any problems with spanking.

j+k0406 · September 2013

DH and I were both spanked as children. We do plan to spank our children but we are also going to do a three strikes you're out deal. Spanking will be the last resort if other forms of discipline don't work first i.e warning, time-out etc.

seahorse01 · September 2013

My hypothetical llama and/or alpaca children will be perfect and will not need to be disciplined, so these are decisions I don't have to make. My biggest decisions will be around smocking or no smocking.

Aimothy · September 2013

DH and I will try to use other forms of discipline but we are not in the Spanking = Hitting camp. I was spanked occasionally as a child and I knew that there was a difference between that and hitting. I also knew that by the time it got to a spanking, I was deserving of what I had coming because I hadn't listened to warning #1, 2 and probably 3.

RockABye · September 2013

We will spank if that is what works for the kid. Spanking =/= hitting if done correctly. I was spanked as a child b/c that is what worked for me and I never felt like I was being abused or hit. Number one rule was always (and will be for us) NEVER spank in anger. If I got a spanking, it was always "go to your room and I'll be up in a bit to spank you." (other than quick swats if i was misbehaving in public, which wasn't the same as a real spanking). Then they'd come up and we'd talk about why I was getting a spanking, they'd explain that they loved me but that I had to be disciplined for the choices I made. Then I'd get however many swats i was told I"d get. They always always always hugged me immediately afterwards and told me they loved me again. Very rarely, i'd have to be spanked if we were out and about, but they never did it in public. We'd go to the car or a back bedroom or whatever and do the same routine - talk about it, spank, hug. That's exactly how we plan to disciple.

Of course, it depends on the kid too. Spankings were my thing. My sister (perfect child) did better with timeouts. So that's what she got.

ETA: there is an age appropriate limit on it, in my opinion. I don't think I was spanked once I was past 8 or 9 at the most. For some kids that may be younger or a bit older.

cinderin · September 2013

I think you could count on one hand how many times I was spanked as a child.

I would like to say we will never spank. Hopefully other corrections will work. But if a swat on the butt is the only thing that will get the kid's attention, then I think it is what you have to do.

I have a strong memory as a child of going somewhere with my friend's family. They had four kids, one of the kids kept running away while we were in the parking lot. She kept trying to run into the street. By about the third time this happened (and the mom ran and caught her and told her "no" in a stern tone, etc) the mom gave her a swat on the butt. It got her attention and she knocked it off. So, in that case it was what worked to get the kid to stop doing something dangerous.

Uptowngirl2009 · September 2013

I was spanked very rarely. My situation was kind of unique in that my brother was eight years older than me so I got to see the mistakes he made and I acted the exact opposite. I always tried to make my parents happy so I really didn't get in trouble much where I needed to be spanked.

I do agree with what has been said. DH and I will spank but I also think it shouldn't be the first form of punishment in every situation and should only be used as a last resort. I think you need to teach the child about making choices and how they are responsible for their actions.

lindsayandjamie · September 2013

At this point in my parenting journey, I can say that I am not comfortable with spanking. The child I have been blessed with would laugh in my face if I spanked him. It's just something that would not be effective with him. I also feel like it's hypocritical for me to say "no hitting when you are mad" and then spank when I am mad.

With that being said, a swat to the bum is not abusive in my opinion, but just not my style.

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