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I need to vent, (really, really long)
Is there a family member that you wish that you could be friends with but you realize that it will probably never happen?
For me this would be my FSIL, (fiancé of DH’s brother). I went to her shower on Saturday and it was one of the most uncomfortable situations that I have ever been in. I went with 4 other family members of DH. We got there a little late since we had to drive 2.5+ hours to get there and hit some traffic. The only thing that FSIL said was a comment on if we got lost. There really was no hi, how was the trip, nothing. I am the one that had to go to her and say hi. I am pretty sure she didn’t even acknowledge DH’s grandmother which is not out of the ordinary for FSIL to do. The actual shower was nice. It was at a restaurant and the food and service were really good. They played some cute games including what they called The Newlywed Game where the BM’s had a video of BIL answering questions like where the first date, kiss, etc was. BIL started off with a heartfelt speech about how thankful he was for everyone to be there and couldn’t wait for the wedding. It was really nice. So after opening all of the gifts FSIL got, she barely said thank you. She didn’t ever truly open the gift that MIL and I gave her, she just sifted through the bag and announced what was in there.
IDK, I guess that I am a different person. Maybe FSIL really did know that I didn’t exactly want to be there and therefore maybe I deserved some of the cold shoulder that I received. I mean MIL did pretty much tell her that. I am really not surprised by her actions at the shower since the same type of things have been going on for a long time.
Normally I would just be able to brush things off but deep down what is really bothering me is that I know how close DH was with his brother when he and FSIL first got together, (not long before DH and I did) and now they barely talk. It kills DH that he is not as close with his brother as they were before. I know that we work a regular 9-5 job and BIL doesn’t so that plays a part in things along with the fact that they live about 2.5 hours away. DH almost never sees him for any holidays. Actually we did not see them for any holidays for this entire year. They spent every holiday with FSIL’s family. Don’t get me wrong, DH and I both know that some things do change in relationships, but for them to be so close before and so far apart now is so horrible.
You know this reminds me that when DH and I first started dating, BIL was afraid that he and DH would not have the same relationship as before and feared that I would keep them apart. I personally went to BIL and told him that I would never do anything to interfere with their relationship or try to keep them apart. Now I feel like if DH said to BIL that he feels like FSIL is keeping them apart, that it would just be a big fight. No compromise. No understanding. DH tried to talk to BIL about things that he saw and heard a while ago and it just ended with BIL getting defensive and they didn’t talk for weeks.
I also see how it hurts MIL. She really just wants her family to get along and have fun when we get together. Not have this cloud of awkwardness surrounding everyone. She told me this whole situation is breaking her heart.
With all that said, do I think that things will ever change? Yes but I think that it will be a move farther away from DH and his family. It is really sad because I know how much DH loves his brother and wants to be a part of his life. After hearing BIL’s speech at the shower about how excited and happy he is that his family will all be together on his wedding day, I would think that he would see what is happening to his family now. IDK, maybe there needs to be a big blow out conversation and things will get better. It’s probably wishful thinking though…
Re: I need to vent, (really, really long)
Your H and his brother need to sit down and have a chat. Even if it gets ugly, things need to be settled. I think your relationship with FSIL will improve once your H and BIL talk. After they have the chat, I think you need to sit down with FSIL and clear the air.
I hope the situation improves!