What are your thoughts on ...

court115 · September 2013

staying on contact with your exes?

I ask because a friend of mine recently got out of a relationship and, while talking about it, we got into a conversation about staying friends with exes. I'm curious to see what other people think about it.

Melissa51212 · September 2013

I think it all depends on time or what the relationship really was...I don't think there a blanket answer. I think you need sometime right after to not talk to really figure out what you want. I have a few people I dated on my facebook and we comment each other here and there but no real connection. The one time I tried to remain friends with an ex we keep getting back together and finally I cut him off and was able to move on.

toothpastechica · September 2013

I agree it depends. I've had an ex who I tired to stay friends with who were toxic and I eventually had to cut them out so I could move on/be healthy...I've also had exs who in theory we "stayed friend" but at this point that means they are on my FB and we don't talk at all and I have one ex who I consider a dear friend...we don't hang out much but we talk and txt quite a bit. My hubbys one and only ex was invited to our wedding.

geojam224 · September 2013

My friend just got out of an 8 year relationship with a jerk. She and him got together a month before me and H got together. Well, they have very little contact now, but every time she talks to him, she is calling me in tears. He won't admit that he ever loved her and she's grieving that she wasted 8 years on the "rectum". I never had an ex, H was my first real bf, so by her experience I can't imagine how it would be healthy to continue talking to an ex.

kushie77 · September 2013

It's one thing to be cordial and civil with an ex, but I don't think it's ever truly possible to remain actual friends in a healthy way. Just my opinion.

bpphoto785 · September 2013

I think it depends on the relationship, how it ended and how much time has passed. I never got serious enough with any of my exs that I think it would be a problem to be friendly with them now. This question actually made me think of my high school boyfriend and wonder where he is now. I think if I were to be friends with any ex it would be him.

court115 · September 2013

kushie77 said:

It's one thing to be cordial and civil with an ex, but I don't think it's ever truly possible to remain actual friends in a healthy way. Just my opinion.

This is my thinking as well. I would say hi to any of my exes if I saw them in public but I don't follow their lives and I don't talk to any of them anymore. I think there's a reason why they didn't make it to my future.

Now let me ask you this, would your opinion change if it were an abusive relationship?

Mona8 · September 2013

kushie77 said:

It's one thing to be cordial and civil with an ex, but I don't think it's ever truly possible to remain actual friends in a healthy way. Just my opinion.

This exactly. It's one thing to be FB friends with them, or to say hi if you run into them. But in my experience, remaining actual friends with an ex isn't a good idea.

Mona8 · September 2013

amcourt09 said:

kushie77 said:

It's one thing to be cordial and civil with an ex, but I don't think it's ever truly possible to remain actual friends in a healthy way. Just my opinion.

This is my thinking as well. I would say hi to any of my exes if I saw them in public but I don't follow their lives and I don't talk to any of them anymore. I think there's a reason why they didn't make it to my future.

Now let me ask you this, would your opinion change if it were an abusive relationship?

Then I think you should erase them from your life completely and cut off any and all contact.

leopardgurl831 · September 2013

I think it depends. DH and I are friends with one of his EXes. After they broke up she got knocked up and he let her stay at his house in another room, part of the time the kids dad lived there too.

Now we are mainly friends because of the kid, but she did come to our wedding and baby shower.

I am still FB friends with some exes but thats it. I say if it was an abusive relationship absolutely not.

adventureisoutthere · September 2013

I agree with The majority. It's one thing to be Facebook friends, and to say hi I you see them out on the street but to actually be friends, I don't think it's really possible. In my experience, there's usually one person that still has feelings for the other and it's just bad news bears.

If the ex was abusive I'd hope I'd be able to cut off all contact. I'd also encourage any of my friends to cease contact with them.

I have an ex I did erase as a Facebook friend as well. I couldn't handle him knowing what I was up to, and I knew him knowing was bad for him too. Borderline obsessed with me when we broke up.
On the other side of the coin, I'm friends with one of my ex's (we dated for 4 years, when we were 17-21), broke up cause we wanted different things in life (legitimately mutual break up), and sometimes knowing what he's doing now drives me crazy because it was stuff he swore he'd never do when we were together. Granted though, neither one of us is the same person we were when we dated, you change a lot between 20 and 25 lol

Along52612 · September 2013

For me my 1st serious boyfriend I dated for 4 years it didn't end well... So we do not keep in contact at all. I wish it would have ended better. All I do hope is that he forgot about me and that he found someone that can be with him that understands him.. It was my fault it ended badly. Anyways My little sister and her ex pretty much the same situation she dated for 4-5yrs they tired to stay friends but it ended up not working it puts so much stress in her current relationship. Soo guess it all depends on how long you dated and how you two feel about staying friends. And why you ended the relationship.

Melissa51212 · October 2013

Abusive relationship no, put of every form of your life!!!!

mandi921vh · October 2013

I broke up with my college BF and we decided to remain friends. We tried for about a week, but he kept thinking that we were getting back together... I finally said we can't be friends right now. He was really hurt about the breakup and was so angry I broke up with him even though we were no longer happy together, we fought all the time and I was no longer in love with him.

Anyways although we went to the same college we didn't really see each other. Except we ran into each other outside of Subway and I (trying to be cordial) said hi. He muttered hi back. Then an hour later he called my dorm room phone asking what was that earlier outside of Subway. I said I thought we could be civil to one another as we are adults, but he just hung up.

There was also this other time where he basically yelled at me calling me a horrible person (among other things) outside in the courtyard that was in the middle of all of the dorms. Pretty much everyone heard him. I just sat there and took it until he started crying and left.

I wouldn't want to be friends with any of my exes, there is a reason they are no longer in my life.

zamboni00 · October 2013

I fall on the 'it depends' side of things. While rare, I do believe there are circumstances where exes can be friends.

I think to have any chance at being friends, the two people need to distance themselves to heal, and learn to be alone, but after that, I see a possibility.

Just as easy as it is to say that there is a reason they aren't in your life, you could also say there was a reason you chose to have them in your life to begin with- and if there wasn't a horrible end to things, then I don't see why not.

What are your thoughts on ...

Re: What are your thoughts on ...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards