Pittsburgh Nesties
egpitt22
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
did I do the right thing?
I need some reassurance on the parenting decision front. We've been having some behavioral issues with Jake ever since Kindergarten started up; he'll be fine one minute, dishing out a teenage-like attitude the next minute. it's frustrating and we are doing our best to be patient. On top of that, in the past few days, he's started to try to hit and kick us when he's angry. it's been a vicious cycle....he makes a poor choice (either in the attitude department, or steals a toy from Liam then wont' give it back when warned, etc), we give a consequence (he loses a show, he has to go to his room to cool off, etc), then he gets angry and tries to hit or kick one of us.
After a few days of this, I had had enough. After he lashed out at Brian on saturday, I talked to him when he was calm and let him know that hitting and kicking is unacceptable and gave him other suggestions for handling his anger. Then I told him that if he decided to hit or kick anyone in the next week, he would lose the birthday party he was supposed to go to this Saturday. I made him repeat it back to me and he understood.
Fast forward to last night, there was a fight at the dinner table over something silly (doesn't it always start out like that?) that resulted in him using unkind words and being asked to leave the table until he could calm down. He wouldn't budge and kept dishing out the attitude, so Brian got up from his chair and when he did, Jake tried to hit him. Thus, he's lost the party this Saturday.
I did the right thing, right?? I mean, we've tried taking away a bunch of other privileges....tv, story at bedtime, not getting to play outside after school, etc....but nothing was working. He'd get upset that he couldn't do something, but then he'd turn around and act the same way the next day. I just feel awful that I have to take the party away...I feel bad for him (I know, I know...he knew what would happen, but I can't help but hate being the bad guy) and I feel bad that we're bailing on the party at the last minute, even though I'm sure a fellow mom will understand.
These past few weeks have just been so trying. I either need to go on a solo vacation or take up drinking every night.
After a few days of this, I had had enough. After he lashed out at Brian on saturday, I talked to him when he was calm and let him know that hitting and kicking is unacceptable and gave him other suggestions for handling his anger. Then I told him that if he decided to hit or kick anyone in the next week, he would lose the birthday party he was supposed to go to this Saturday. I made him repeat it back to me and he understood.
Fast forward to last night, there was a fight at the dinner table over something silly (doesn't it always start out like that?) that resulted in him using unkind words and being asked to leave the table until he could calm down. He wouldn't budge and kept dishing out the attitude, so Brian got up from his chair and when he did, Jake tried to hit him. Thus, he's lost the party this Saturday.
I did the right thing, right?? I mean, we've tried taking away a bunch of other privileges....tv, story at bedtime, not getting to play outside after school, etc....but nothing was working. He'd get upset that he couldn't do something, but then he'd turn around and act the same way the next day. I just feel awful that I have to take the party away...I feel bad for him (I know, I know...he knew what would happen, but I can't help but hate being the bad guy) and I feel bad that we're bailing on the party at the last minute, even though I'm sure a fellow mom will understand.
These past few weeks have just been so trying. I either need to go on a solo vacation or take up drinking every night.
Re: did I do the right thing?
Ugh, it's tough. I think you did the right thing. I would just email the parent, apologize, and say that due to behavioral issues, Jake will not be able to attend the party. (I had to do this.)
UNLESS, you want to try the "earn it back" approach. But, that's a tough call because you have the RSVP on the line. (In Gavin's situation, the parent wrote back that she understood and that if things changed, Gavin was still welcome to come.)
Earning it back works with Gavin bc he knows when he pushes me to the breaking point, I snap. And then all of sudden he starts behaving, helping out, etc. And it keeps up for days.
My husband reassures me that the switching back and forth from "good" kid to teenager is normal behavior / hormones for this age. But, I agree that physical attitude (hitting) is not acceptable whatsoever. The last thing I want is for him to do it at school if he got mad at someone.
The only thing I would do is, if you don't go to the party, remind him that day that he could have gone to the party if he was good. Make sure that you don't substitute the party with something else fun (going to the park, Soergel's, etc.). I had to discipline Conall a few weeks back and he missed going to the Festival with Gavin and I, and stayed at home with DH instead (which meant nap and time in his room). He still talks about missing the Festival.
It was nice, though, to see how Gavin tried helping him be good by reminding him that he would miss the event. Ah, brotherly love.
My three sons!
I don't know where this hitting/kicking business has come from so suddenly. he was a big hitter when he was younger, like basically all of age 3, then we finally worked to get past that. it's like he's regressing!!!
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
Since you threatened the party you did the right thing! Good for you for following through! Honestly I try avoiding threatening things like parties but if you do then you have to follow through.
I would see how things go as far as his attitude the rest of the week and the after that day. I know for dd that she has a hard time with consequences and something so far away would be hard for her. But since it is such a big consequence it may work.
The combination of starting Kindergarten and being five can REALLY stink. Heather regressed with the hitting and kicking, too. The good news is that 1st grade and being six has been much better. Not perfect, but definitely better than last year.
Jake - 1.15.08
Liam - 5.17.11
It stinks, but that's life.