What are your thoughts on...

court115 · September 2013

staying on contact with your exes?

I ask because a friend of mine recently got out of a relationship and, while talking about it, we got into a conversation about staying friends with exes. I'm curious to see what other people think about it.

mammersoh · September 2013

Prior to Greg, if an ex and I ended on good terms, yes I stayed friends with them. If it ended badly, no, all ties were cut. I have none now that I talk to or have close friendships with, but if I saw them out I would say hi.

amccul20 · September 2013

eh I mean I don't think I would...and I don't think I would like Ben being friends with an ex.

that said, I'm not a jealous person at all.

klm42404 · September 2013

I am a jealous person so I wouldn't want Mark to be friends with one. (He's not as far as far as I know)

And I don't really like the person I was before I was with Mark so I wouldn't want to be reminded of that if I stayed friends with an ex. I had one friend request me, but I ignored it.

mana8503 · September 2013

I have an ex I'm friends with on Fb. Only time we really talked was when I had training where he lives now... But he was in training in another state. He just gave me some restaurants to try.

Jeff is still in contact with some exs. I don't care along as they don't start drama. Some would Fb message me in the beginning of our relationship starting shit.

Of course the one ex I don't like he has to talk to for the kids.

Olalala157 · September 2013

Hmmm, I think it depends on the people and the relationship. I know people who have successfully transitioned into being friends after being in a relationship but also known people who cant help but jump each other's bones when they are together. If you can respect each other's boundaries and remain friends as long as your significant other is ok with it then I dont see a problem with it but if there is any inkling of feelings then obviously its best to stay away.

court115 · September 2013

Let me throw this in: What if it was an abusive relationship?

amccul20 · September 2013

amcourt09 said:

Let me throw this in: What if it was an abusive relationship?

absolutely not!

Olalala157 · September 2013

If it was abusive then no. Why would anyone want to be friends with someone who was abusive to them is beyond me.

court115 · September 2013

Olalala157 said:

If it was abusive then no. Why would anyone want to be friends with someone who was abusive to them is beyond me.

This was my thinking exactly. She said I just didn't understand. I said you're right. I don't understand.

mammersoh · September 2013

Abusive?! No wayyyyyyy in hell.

janma529 · September 2013

amccul20 said:

amcourt09 said:

Let me throw this in: What if it was an abusive relationship?

absolutely not!

Agreed!

uderin02 · September 2013

I'm actually good friends with 2 of my exes (they were invited to my wedding, one could come, one couldn't),but Jeremy has known about my friendships with them from the beginning. He's cool with both of them and could care less if I talk to them. He even offered for one to stay here last year when he was in between houses...thank goodness that never happened! I'm friendly with most of my exes. This is all weird to me because I used to be such the jealous type and my one ex was friends with all of his exes....which I hated...until we broke up after 4 years...and 9 years later we're still close, I now get it. The one ex I'm not even friendly with is one who treated me horribly and was emotionally abusive to me. He never hit me,but I was afraid he could have. He used to threaten me and try to blackmail me if I wouldn't get back together with him....so no I would never be friends with someone like that. My whole thing is just because it didn't work out romantically, doesn't mean someone's not a good friend...but someone who is abusive is not a good friend...

beebe918 · October 2013

Well, Ryan and I are going to visit a guy I once dated and his girlfriend this weekend in NC. It was not a serious relationship and he and Ryan were friends before I met either of them so I guess that's a bit of a different situation.

Abusive relationship? No way! You can't help someone who doesn't want help though and it sounds like your friend is not at the point where she is ready to accept help.

court115 · October 2013

beebe918 said:
Abusive relationship? No way! You can't help someone who doesn't want help though and it sounds like your friend is not at the point where she is ready to accept help.

She isn't. I've backed down on the "advice". To each their own.

amccul20 · October 2013

amcourt09 said:

beebe918 said:
Abusive relationship? No way! You can't help someone who doesn't want help though and it sounds like your friend is not at the point where she is ready to accept help.

She isn't. I've backed down on the "advice". To each their own.

I'm sorry amcourt that you can't get through to your friend. an abusive relationship is so hard to watch

court115 · October 2013

amccul20 said:

amcourt09 said:

beebe918 said:
Abusive relationship? No way! You can't help someone who doesn't want help though and it sounds like your friend is not at the point where she is ready to accept help.

She isn't. I've backed down on the "advice". To each their own.

I'm sorry amcourt that you can't get through to your friend. an abusive relationship is so hard to watch

This has been going on for a few years. It's very hard for me to watch. I just wish she had someone who respected her the way she deserves. Sigh...

mrsskiz · October 2013

Being an abuse survior, I can tell you that she is in total denial that he was ever THAT bad. Its almost like Stockholm Syndrome. I lived through 5+ years of every single day abuse, but was in denial until the last 2 years when I had to finally plan an escape. Nothing you can tell her will change her mind, she has to do it on her own. Its unfortunate, but thats the way it has to happen.

s517 · October 2013

@Mrs.Skiz I 'loved' your advice- not your past relationship!!

uderin02 · October 2013

Mrs.Skiz said:

Being an abuse survior, I can tell you that she is in total denial that he was ever THAT bad. Its almost like Stockholm Syndrome. I lived through 5+ years of every single day abuse, but was in denial until the last 2 years when I had to finally plan an escape. Nothing you can tell her will change her mind, she has to do it on her own. Its unfortunate, but thats the way it has to happen.

This. Unfortunately its sad, but true. And it is so hard to sit back and watch someone you care about go through it. Hope your friend's situation improves quickly...

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