Feel like my best friend is cutting me out of her life

ropencowgirl33 · September 2013

My best friend is getting married and at first I was ecstatic!!! I'm married so of course I'm picturing us doing couple things together and helping her plan the wedding then bam! She tells me I'm not her MOH, which we had both promised each other we would be before we ever met our guys. She was mine. We live far apart but we've always kept each other updated on our lives. And when she got engaged she forgot to tell me! I found out from someone else. Then I called her and she told me, the she announced the bomb, and so I tried to stay calm because I know it's her wedding and she's having her sister(her sister didn't have my Bf in her wedding) as MOH. And now I just saw pictures of them together and I've been asking to see a photo of the fiancé since try started dating!!! And this photo wasn't even from a family member of hers it was from an acquaintance on Instagram!!!

I'm I wrong to be hurt, that everyone else seems to know the small details about her relationship and wedding before I do and I'm her bestfriend.

FYI we both call each other BFF and have always been open with each other about everything. I am kinda worried that its her parents who decided the MOH decision but still.

How do I deal? Or not deal.

Kimbus22 · September 2013

Eh. I'd just be happy for her, attend the wedding and move on. It's not unusual for friends to drift apart when they don't live near one another. It's not unusual for people to give up and do what their parents want for their wedding, especially if their parents are paying for it.

If she's really your best friend, talk to her about it. Tell her you feel a little hurt and want to make sure you haven't done anything to upset her. Open up a dialog. But really, I wouldn't consider any of this stuff a big deal.

moonprincessd · September 2013

I think sister's beat friends when it comes to MOH. So that's not a shocker. Plus her sister is probably closer, meaning she is more accessible. Something I wished I had, my MOH (best friend) lived a state a way. All she helped me with was picking out a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses. I didn't get anymore help from her till the wedding day where she did the typical fix your train, hold your bouquet, bustle the dress type things.

Distance does cause friendships to fall apart. She might not have the time to talk to you and those closer to her, who see her every day, probably will know all the details.

The only part I think that would hurt was that she didn't tell you right away. That's something I'd talk to her about. I made sure to call all my close friends after I got engaged to let them know. If one of them didn't do the same for me, then I would be a little hurt. Then again, now that there is facebook and texting, I'd most likely hear from them that way than by calling.

If you want to be more involved, just ask her if there's anything you can do and work from there.

TarponMonoxide · September 2013

Common to ask a sibling to be an honor attendant. That's been going on since the Year One.

She must either live at quite a distance and/or she met and is marrying this guy in a big hurry if you have never even *seen* him.

I agree: attend the wedding and move on. Don't even bat an eye if you do not get a shower invite (money saved for you). Find something modestly priced from her registry and send that as the gift for her wedding; don't knock yourself out with a big monetary gift for her.

(In these parts, it is a given to give $100 as a wedding gift; $200 if you bring a guest to the reception. Don't break the bank on her; it is not worth it)

amorrison340 · September 2013

So you sang the blues, and now I think you should try to get over it. Just because you were her MOH doesn't obligate her to make you hers, even if she promised at some point. I admit I'd be a little sad, but it's not like she picked another friend over you, it's her sister.

It sucks she didn't tell you right away, but maybe you guys just aren't as close as you once were. It happens.

At this point I wouldn't talk to her about it. It won't change anything and it will just stress her out, and possibly foster bad feeling towards you. Send a nice gift, and if it still bothers you after the wedding then talk to her about it casually.

Leftie22 · September 2013

You can't be super close if you've never met or seen a photo of her future husband. Distance is tough, and she may be drifting away a little. My BFF lives far from me, and we drift a bit farther every year. She was my MOH, but that was two years ago, and we've lost touch since then. If she were to get married, I doubt I'd be in the wedding party. It sounds like this is what is happening with you and your friend. Also, you can't resent her for choosing her sister as MOH. Sisters are in your life forever, friends come and go. Just show up to the wedding, act happy and accept that this friendship is probably not going to be super close in the future.

arhayden1 · September 2013

I have recently went through this entire situation but on the oppisite side. I chose my sister over a friend whom I've drifted away from over the years for many various reasons. I do think I handled it better though b/c I was upfront with her about it from the git go and told her about my engagment. I am like pp on this where my sister has always been in my life and someone I looked up too and have recently become much closer and given our age difference I wasn't her MOH eithier. I think you should just be happy for your friend and accept the fact the people grow apart sometimes. Yes it sucks but it happens. Also agree with PP that you being her MOH doesn't garrentee you'll be her's; this is ultimetly what tore me and my former bf apart so I suggest that be honest but also understand and talk to her

nyc artist · September 2013

I just experienced a similar thing. (my post about it is somewhere on here). Though it wasn't surrounding a wedding, the gist of it was that my supposed "best friend" has pretty much cut me out for new friends for no apparent reason. I'm going to tell you what my mistake was so you can avoid making the same thing if you want your friendship to last.

My mistake was I tried to force this friendship into staying the same. The more she drifted away, the harder I tried to be more of a friend. In the end, she pretty much just pushed (no, SHOVED) me away, and was very mean about it. I should have seen it coming, and just accepted that she was drifting apart. See, I learned friendships aren't made out of steel...they are more like water, ebbing and flowing (sorry for the cheesy analogy). It's ok if it changes, it's GOING to change. I think if you care about her, just show her that you're happy for her and don't burden her with your worries while she's planning a wedding. I'm not saying to swallow being treated like crap or anything, but it just sounds like your friend is wrapped up in the excitement of her relationship and upcoming marriage. The focus isn't on your friendship right now, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care at all. I think it would make it worse to confront her at this time. Just go to the wedding, be happy for your friend, and see what stems from there.

By the way, you said you're not the MOH, but are you a bridesmaid still? I could see being hurt if you expected to be MOH and weren't included at all, except to come as a guest.

EastCoastBride · September 2013

To what a lot of others said - yes, friendships change, and distance REALLY changes friendships. you may call each other "BFFs", but are you REALLY? Are you both clinging to this just because it's easy to do?

To this concept of "we promised we'd be each others MOHs".... Seriously, let that go. It's a silly promise girls make to each other in the throws of "we're SUCH GOOD FRIENDS!!!!", but life comes along and throws curve balls, changes friendships, etc. If you had mad ethis promise when you were both engaged - o.k., but upset. But you made this promise before you were even w/ your SO's.

Let this go.

CowgirlK39 · September 2013

My DH is sort of dealing with this same situ right now. The guy who was our best man is so wrapped up in his own FI that he doesn't talk to us anymore. We found out that their WP is mostly made up of family members and one mutual friend. We have just accepted that people change and there's nothing we can do. You should do the same.

catsareniice1 · September 2013

It wouldn't bother me since she picked her sister. If she picked another friend then it would bother me somewhat.

ClaryPax · September 2013

Yes friends get involved in their own life, and it sucks and it hurts but really there is nothing we can do about it. I wouldn't try to hard with this friendship/ wedding. I feel like I tried to hard with one friendship and have nothing to show for it. I was too shoved out of her life meanly if I tried to take interest.

flounder31 · October 2013

I would be offended if she chose a friend over me but not a sister: Family is family.

j3ffsgirl · October 2013

I went through something similar, except, I was the bride. I was my best friends MOH, but since then she's had 3 kids, so things were bound to change. I chose my sister to be my MOH at my destination wedding (even thou I wasn't hers since I was only 15

and I told my bestie she was my Matron of Honor since she's married, and my sister has since gotten divorced. Everything worked out fine, and no one's feeling were hurt. Also, I was MOH years ago when my high school friend got married in '05, she wasn't even in my wedding party bc we don't hang out like that anymore. People grow apart, friends come and go, but you can't chose your family

Feel like my best friend is cutting me out of her life

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