Money Question

doeydo · October 2013

Let's say that you and your SO had taken money out of the bank to purchase something specific for your SO, and then your SO spent that money on something else (something frivolous) without telling you. Would you be upset? Would you not take out more money to purchase the original thing that he/she will "need" in a few days?

LaxWife · October 2013

I think it depends what it was - if it was another thing that you/your SO needed/really wanted and you had the extra cash - then I think I would just, talk to them about how you would like it if they communicated with you about larger items they were going to purchase and then let it go.

However, If this is now going to put you in a position where you won't be able to pay your mortgage/rent, other bills you needed to pay this month then that is a more serious conversation you need to have.

I think it really depends what your SO purchased with the money, and what your financial situation is like. Is it a "rule" that you two have to communicate about larger purchases, or do you usually just buy what you wish as long as all the bills and savings are taken care of?

I also think it depends how you found out that your SO didn't spend the money on what it was intended for. Did he/she try to hide it from you? Did you find out by accident? Or was it a on a whim - "isn't this great, don't you love it?" type of thing?

Hard to say when I don't know your situation, but in any case - you need to have a sit down with your SO.

doeydo · October 2013

I think it depends what it was - if it was another thing that you/your SO needed/really wanted Not anything that he wanted/needed in particular. What if he just "blew it" on alcohol? and you had the extra cash - then I think I would just, talk to them about how you would like it if they communicated with you about larger items they were going to purchase and then let it go.

However, If this is now going to put you in a position where you won't be able to pay your mortgage/rent, other bills you needed to pay this month then that is a more serious conversation you need to have.

I think it really depends what your SO purchased with the money, and what your financial situation is like. Is it a "rule" that you two have to communicate about larger purchases, or do you usually just buy what you wish as long as all the bills and savings are taken care of? We usually talk about spending larger amounts of money on something before doing so.

I also think it depends how you found out that your SO didn't spend the money on what it was intended for. Did he/she try to hide it from you? Did you find out by accident? Or was it a on a whim - "isn't this great, don't you love it?" type of thing? He didn't mention it. I just realized it on my own that the money wasn't in x place that it was supposed to be until we went to the store.

Hard to say when I don't know your situation, but in any case - you need to have a sit down with your SO. *Sigh* I agree. ETA Thank you, btw.

Leftie22 · October 2013

I would not be okay with that, at all!! Especially because you had marked the money for a specific purpose. My DH and I each get a certain amount each month to spend as we like, so I wouldn't care if all of his fun money disappeared. But if we agreed we had x money to do y with and he used it, I'd be really pissed. Especially because we're on a really right budget and have to plan every purchase. I think it's time you had a discussion with him, and he should have to make up that money or do without something else to cover it. It's not fair for him to just spend it in a way you didn't agree to.

Sillygirl45 · October 2013

I would be mad. I would not take out more money until he explained why he did what he did and why it's not going to happen again.

imoan1001 · October 2013

It's amazing to me the things we'll focus on because we don't want to be honest with ourselves about the real issue. You're worrying more about the logistics of buying the thing he was originally supposed to buy with the money he blew...

...whereas the REAL issue is WHAT he blew it on. It'd be one thing if he took that money and spent it on groceries or bills or gas. But he blew it on ALCOHOL?! And from your follow up comments, it sounds like it wasn't an insignificant amount, either.

Your issue isn't whether or not you should be mad. Your issue is whether or not your H is a raging alcoholic.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2013

I can't help you without details.

1) What were you going to buy?

2) How much money?

3) What did he spend it on instead?

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