Family Matters
bethieb123
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sister and car seat wars
My older sister has 4 and 6 year old boys. Now that school started she decided to take the oldest out of his booster and just use the seat belt. She says he fits well and he can adjust his belt to fit - whatever that means (he is nowhere near the height/age limit required by law to go booster-less: 8 yrs old or 4'9" tall). The youngest is still in his booster, but the headrest needs to move up.
I've already texted her back to ask her to check if she can raise the headrest so that they can fit better in their seats and be safe, but she just says the belts are where they need to be no worries... (I know the seat adjusts easily and can be used backless... but what can you do?)
Ever since I mentioned it, she and her husband seem to only take pics of the boys when they are riding in the car... Seems like everything has to be a fight/competition with her - my dd is just a toddler, and she has a "been there, done that" attitude about parenting stuff. But really, this is more important than who's right or wrong.
Come on people it's not that difficult to read a manual or google this stuff!!
What would y'all do to get these little guys riding safe?
Re: Sister and car seat wars
if he fits the height requirement but is on the skinny side where his weight is bit low for that height, I think it is wise to ask his ped if he can still use the seat belt.
1. Does the child sit all the way back against the auto seat?
2. Do the child's knees bend comfortably at the edge of the auto seat?
3. Does the belt cross the shoulder between the neck and arm?
4. Is the lap belt as low as possible, touching the thighs?
5. Can the child stay seated like this for the whole trip?
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
You've done all you can do. They aren't your kids. I get your concern, but they aren't your kids.
And honestly - I would suggest backing off. You're making it out that she's being competitive, but she may actually just be annoyed. Having a new mom show up and start telling you how you're doing "everything" wrong is annoying when you've been through it twice.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You can't do anything. She isn't going to listen to you. Back off.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
I'm torn. This is a serious safety issue and can be the difference between life and death. I too take car seat safety seriously. My own DD is almost 5 and is still rfing because she hasn't exceeded the limits in her car seat.
That being said, this kind of stuff doesn't go over well. No mother likes to hear that she is putting her child in danger, especially an experienced mother . You've said your peace and it is a shame she didn't listen to you. Saying anything else will probably make her dig in her heels more. You've given her something to think about and that is all you can do.
I actually wrestle with this too. If there's someone in your family - an adult not doing this, it's not your business, but when kids are involved and they could die or be injured in an accident shouldn't other adults step up to protect them? I DO think so. We step up as non-parents and protect other kids all the time in our society.
Anyway, all you can do is locate some recent statistical information about car accidents and improper child restraints and give it to her. The sole purpose of a car seat/ seat belt is to keep a person inside the vehicle. More people die in car accidents when their bodies leave the car or when people inside a vehicle are not restrained at all or are improperly restrained and do damage to themselves or others by being tossed around inside a car. If a child is too small for a seat belt s/he can slip out - in some accidents, that will be fatal.
I actually wrestle with this too. If there's someone in your family - an adult not doing this, it's not your business, but when kids are involved and they could die or be injured in an accident shouldn't other adults step up to protect them? I DO think so. We step up as non-parents and protect other kids all the time in our society.
Anyway, all you can do is locate some recent statistical information about car accidents and improper child restraints and give it to her. The sole purpose of a car seat/ seat belt is to keep a person inside the vehicle. More people die in car accidents when their bodies leave the car or when people inside a vehicle are not restrained at all or are improperly restrained and do damage to themselves or others by being tossed around inside a car. If a child is too small for a seat belt s/he can slip out - in some accidents, that will be fatal.
Ok I read most of your past posts. In the 4 years or so that you have been on this site, almost all of your posts have been about your sister. Let me just say that you and your sister have a very unhealthy relationship. Judging from your posts, you both fuel it. You say she is competitive, catty and mean, but you also seem competitive for your mom's attention and put her down and her husband many times.
I say this with the upmost respect, but I think it is time to see a counselor that specializes in family / sibling / parent issues. Perhaps a professional third party will give you the tools you need to establish healthy boundaries with your sister and also how to handle the subsequent guilt trips from your mother. I also hope that a counselor can help you see what part you have played in this.
I say this as someone who has also seen a counselor and it was honestly one of the healthiest decisions I ever made.